BOWLING

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Seeing the title BOWLING, some might guess this report relates to The Who's Pete Townshend. Remembering when the Smothers Brothers asked Pete where he got his wild style of guitar & he replied that was BOWLING. For a real treat, ask HHI's own Mighty Kerr to demonstrate a Pete Jump in conjunction with an air guitar BOWLING move.

Good guess any other time of year, but this is College Football's BOWLING week, so HHI went BOWLING today too with these HHI BOWL eligible squads:
* Northwestern flew in from Chicago with Scott the Shot and EX-Smoker Bob (28 days & counting), Iron Mike, Bank'in Bow-Bow-Bowers, and Coach Bill
* MSFU = Magnum, Swoop, FUn Frank, Ian Rocks, and Miller {M2} Madness
* Old School = O.S. Bruce, Quick, Mighty, DD Bales, and What the Heck
* Ineligible Rover = Stiff Rich

Old School & MSFU won Commisioner Collin's coin toss and elected to play, but not well. This ugly game was won by Old School to start Round 1, but then they were defeated by Northwestern on a Scott Shot. Northwestern then won again over MSFU and in the post-game interview EX-Smoker Bob exclaimed "I can't believe we're 2-0".

Round 2 saw Old School again defeat MSFU led by Old School, and then Old School defeated previously undefeated Northwestern led by Old School again. Then MSFU got their 1st BOWLING win on an M2 deuce over Northwestern.

Round 3 started the same as the first 2 with Old School beating MSFU. But then with Old School on the verge of the BOWLING Daily Championship, gutsy Northwestern (Nw) went for 2 points & the win and got it from EX-Smoker Bob. So it all came down to the Iron Man Finale before which MSFU recruited the guard they needed-Quick Mike. But Nw countered by somehow getting What the Heck to transfer from Old School. This game went to overtime, but Ironically it was Heck leading Northwestern to the win, thus tying them with his Old team--Old School at 4-2.

Just in case, Commisioner Collin had left the HHI BOWLING Tie-Breaker Rules inside the Clifford the Big Red Dog book with the 1st two oddly being who came to the game from the longest distance (= Scott the Shot) and who quit smoking most recently (= Smoker Bob), thus Northwestern was awarded the mythical BOWLING Championship.

The BOWLING will continue on January 2nd at Ozzies @ 8am.

GROUNDHOG DAY CAME EARLY

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The Hoopsters were back at Ozzies for a 3 x 5 x 1 (i.e. 3 teams x 5 players x 1 court) Tournament with the Captains drafting these virtual franchises:
* Comfortably (mag)Numb = Captain Magnum, Swoop, Iron Mike, Scholesinator, and Ian Rocks
* The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck = Captain Steve-Roller, Caddy, Quick, Diggetty Doug Bales, and Quit Smoking Bob
* Frankenstein = Captain FUn Frank, Mighty Kerr, Smokeless Ben Dato, Big Billy Boy Babe Ruth (B4R = Q), and Miller {M2} Madness

Round 1 started with The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck easily defeating Comfortably (mag)Numb and then moving on to beat Frankenstein. And Quit Smoking Bob did Not light up while watching Frankenstein get the win over Comfortably (mag)Numb.

GROUNDHOG DAY starring HHIers as Bill Murray & Co. then CAME EARLY as Round 2 started with The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck easily defeating Comfortably (mag)Numb and then moving on to beat Frankenstein. And Quit Smoking Bob did Not light up while watching Frankenstein get the win over Comfortably (mag)Numb.

It was GROUNDHOG DAY COMING EARLY all over again as Round 3 started with The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck easily defeating Comfortably (mag)Numb and then moving on to beat Frankenstein. And Quit Smoking Bob did Not light up while watching Frankenstein get the win over Comfortably (mag)Numb.

But the GROUNDHOG DAY pattern was altered somewhat in Round 4 as Comfortably (mag)Numb almost (doesn't count) defeated The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck who won their 7th straight (allowing Caddy to cross back over the Mason-Dixon line & return to Georgia with a winning record). Then it was time for the Iron Man Finale (IMF).

The IMF turned out to be a Classic matching the Daily Champion-Rambling Wreck of What the Heck vs. the Stein-Numbs including Magnum, Iron, Swoop, B4R=Q, M2, and that Fordham Kicker-Smokeless Ben Dato. While the Kicker for UCF was off in Hawaii missing an overtime extra point for a 49-48 loss--Smokeless Ben was busy taking it right at his Dad for a score, soaring over Quick for a tip-in bucket, and then "tomahawk" dunking (you know how long I've been waiting to type that) on a fastbreak. But Ben's Dad (i.e. Quit Smoking Bob) responded with a Big basket & a warning to the Stein-Numbs: "Don't Piss Me Off". This IMF Classic came right down to the end with the Rambling Wreck up 14-13 when M2 abruptly ended it with an IMF-winning deuce to break the longest current HHI winning streak.

HHI: HOOPS HUMAN INTEREST Stories

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It's Christmas & HHI knows that our Blog fans are thus more interested in HOOPS HUMAN INTEREST (HHI) Stories vs. pure basketball action. So let's get thru the basketball quickly--there were (17) players and Brett "Follow the Bouncing Ball" Gaul (Son of Sing Along With Mitch) captained his squad to the Daily Championship while hitting key deuces & slashing to the basket at Will (and everybody else).

OK, enough basketball--the Big HOOPS HUMAN INTEREST (HHI) Story is that X-Smoker Bob has been smoke-free for 21 days & 21 nights. Big Bob had been smoke'in a pack a day for many, many years before going cold Turkey a week or so after Thanksgiving (pun intended). In his "Quit Smoking" press conference, Bob noted that the catalyst for his decision was that he was having trouble breathing during HHI games. Although he didn't mention this, Big Bob was probably also concerned that he was losing his competitive edge vs. the extremely athletic players of HHI (note I typed that with a straight face). Bob knows he has the full support of HHI, although Big Tobacco will stop at nothing to get him back. In related news, Philip Morris' stock price has dropped like a Big Bob hook shot going down thru the basket.

Another HOOPS HUMAN INTEREST (HHI) Story today was the Return of Caddyshack Steve. Although Caddy has had more Farewells & Returns than there are Chins in a Chinese Phonebook (Nick Joke--arh, arh, arh), it was good to see him back. It was clear though that his game has diminished in the interim as he just has not been able to find an HHI level of competition in the Peach state. His team was winless for much of the day, suffered a shut out in one game, and played in the ugliest & longest game to 7 in HHI History. There is also a rumor (started by Big Bob I think) that Caddy has started smoking.

Other HOOPS HUMAN INTEREST (HHI) Stories included Coach bleeding all over the court and the return of the long absent--Ian Rocks. Coach was allegedly scratched by Quick, after which he headed to the hospital for a blood transfusion and to be tested for Quick Scratch Fever. Ian Rocks returned to HHI, but has evidently pretty much given up the Hoops Religion and only attends HHI "masses" on Christmas & Easter. But Ian must be practicing religion somewhere because his prayers were answered with (2) late deuces (including a corner-banker) to win the Iron Man Finale.

Merry Christmas!!!