SURVIVORS SERIES

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Commissioner Collin latest marketing brainchild was today's SURVIVORS SERIES, a Grueling Best of 5 SERIES of games to 15 with the Winners Crowned as Daily Championship SURVIVORS. Fittingly the SURVIVORS SERIES Captains were long-time Hoopsters, Iron Mike & Coach Bill who selected these SURVIVORS Squads:
* Iron Men = Iron Mike, Big Bob (Smokeless for 56 days & counting), Mighty Kerr, Swoop, Gary US Bonds & Old School Bruce
* Huns of Steel = Coach, Diggetty Doug Bales, Scholesinator, Quick Mike, Miller {M2} Madness, and the return of Pat's Steak & Bake
* 13 is the Loneliest Number Rover = Stiff Rich

Game 1 of the SURVIVORS SERIES was rather easily won 15-10 by the Huns of Steel led by the ubiquitous & omnipresent Quick Mike. Then while Quick Mike was off taking a dump in Game 2, nature called Pat's Steaks to start sizzling from long-long range, leading to another 15-10 victory for the Huns of Steel.

So maybe the SURVIVORS SERIES wouldn't be so Grueling after all as Viva Las Vegas was giving good odds on a Sweep of Swoop & the Iron Men? But Not so fast my friends. Game 3 saw the Iron Men seemingly singing--we get knocked down, we get up again, you're never gonna keep us down--while staying alive with a gutty win.

The Huns of Steel's DD Bales then became the first casualty of the SURVIVORS SERIES as he could not answer the bell for Game 4. But the Iron Men's Big Bob ignored the announcement of Shawn's Birthday Party and played on in Game 4 which saw the Iron Men seemingly Ozzie-screaming: We Are...Iron Men--while winning again to tie the SURVIVORS SERIES at 2-2.

So it all came down to Game#5, but first Commissioner Collin had to use his New Jeep to Tow off Old D-A-D and Quick Mike Baby on a Double-Decker Stretcher as they could Not SURVIVE. Game 5 was a battle of attrition that came limping down to the end with both teams having their chances to prevail, but it was Swoop who came through with the 15-13 winning deuce. Thus the Iron Men's hands were raised as the Daily Championship SURVIVORS.

ROUND n' ROUND n' ROUND n' ROUND n' ROUND

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Like Aerosmith's Toys in the Attic album song from 1975 (back when I was a sweet 16), HHI went ROUND n' ROUND n' ROUND n' ROUND to determine the Daily Champions today after Captains Old School, Bank'in & Quick created these virtual franchises:
* Quicksand = Quick, Big Bob (49 Days Smoke-Free), Swoop, Stiff, and Coach
* Bank of America = Bank'in Bowers, Radon Rader, Magnum Mike, Gary US Bonds, and Iron Mike
* Bruce Al Mighty = Bruce, Mighty, SRBA "J", Diggetty Doug Bales, and M2

ROUND 1 saw Commissioner Collin sporting some spiffy new sneakers while Quicksand slowly sank Bruce Al Mighty and then Bankrupted the Bank of America. But Bank of America came out of Ch. 11 and caused Bruce Al Mighty to default.

ROUND 2 started with undefeated Quicksand getting all 7 points from Quick while dealing Bruce Al Mighty their 3rd straight defeat. Then Bank of America fought their way out of the Quicksand & registered a hostile takeover win. But Bank of America's rising stock price then dropped sharply when they were defeated by Bruce Al Mighty.

ROUND 3 turned Bruce Al Mighty's 1-3 frowns upside down as they hit their stride in defeating both Quicksand & Bank of America. But it was Quick proverbially kicking Sand in Magnum's B of A face for the win that gave them the Daily Championship @ 4-2 vs. Bruce Al Mighty's 3-3 vs. Bank of America's 2-4.

ROUND 4 was the Iron Man Finale (IMF) ROUND and more-than-less matched up DC Quicksand vs. Silver Medalist--Bruce Al Mighty. Iron Mike fittingly hit the winning shot for the surging Bruce Al Mighty as they captured the IMF Title and extended their HHI longest current winning streak to 4 games.

The Final ROUND today will see Commission Collin heading out to Swoop's "Big Bad Wolf Can't Blow It Down" House to pickup his new jeep from Swoop relating to The Commish's bet that Kathy Werley-Wong could defeat Swoop in raquetball last Sunday night, which she did 15-14.

RING OF FIRE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Some had given him up for dead, but today he finally returned out of the RING OF FIRE. Back in Black was Johnny Kash (the one with a "K"), aka Radon Rader who returned laughing to see if Big Bob could make it to 41 days without FIRING up a Smoke, which he did.

Today's RING OF FIRE Captains were Bank'in Bowers, Coach Bill, and The Mighty Kerr who ignored Mel Kiper and made these draft picks:
* Mighty Aphrodities = Swoop, Old School, What the Heck, Stiff Rich & Captain Kerry
* McDaddies = Johnny Kash Rader, Big Bob, Quick, Miller {M2} Madness, and Coach Mc
* Bower Power = Magnum, Iron, Diggetty Doug Bales, Scholesinator, and Captain Bow-Bow-1-9

After losing the RING OF FIRE Opener to McDaddies on a Big Bob 2-ball, the Mighty Aphrodities went on a big roll (kind of like mayo) all the way to the RING OF FIRE Daily Championship. Rather than report on the games, I have decided to shirk my duties & just give you a Crash course on stuff that happened:
* Quick Mike Crashed Commissioner Collin's bus and The Commish responded with a couple of Crashing kicks
* Swoop's head Crashed into M2's cheek (face, not butt) after bouncing off the Crash-proof Big Bob
* Heck went Crashing to the floor & then did a Steve-Roller
* DD Bales Crashed (OK, belly flopped) to get a loose ball
* Magnum Crashed (you couldn't really categorize it as a Bank) in a game-winning deuce
* Red Shoes Sam I Am Crashed the HHI "Party"

To bring this full circle (a writing technique practiced by all the great ones) or full RING OF FIRE in this case, Commissioner Collin has officially renamed "a missed lay-up" as "a Rader". Moving forward, this will give us a good Rader laugh whenever layups are missed (which is usually early & often) and keep Johnny Kash in our minds even if he does not show back up in black for several months.

OPEN SEASON ON MIKES?

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It was OPEN SEASON ON MIKES in the NFL with MIKE Martz, MIKE Tice, and MIKE Sherman ousted, but Hills Hoops Inc. Likes all their MIKES and even named Iron MIKE a Captain today. The subsequent draft & resulting virtual franchises:
* Hey-Bails = Coach DD Bails, Magnum MIKE, What the Heck, Mighty Kerr, and Big Bob (No Smoker for 33 days)
* MIKE & MIKE = Iron MIKE, Quick MIKE, Scholesinator, Swoop, and Miller {M2} Madness
* 11th Man Loner = Stiff Rich

Game 1 featured MIKE & MIKE (Iron & Quick) in the Morning, but it was their Special Guest--Scholesy who brought some new moves/shots that he evidently had gotten for Christmas and that Stiff could not stop. That put MIKE & MIKE in position for Iron MIKE to win it from his sweet side spot.

Game 2 of the Best of 3 Series was a beat-down of epic proportions as Hey-Bails featuring Magnum MIKE bounced back to bounce MIKE & MIKE (with Stiff) by 15-6.

So it came down to Game #3 for the Daily Championship (DC). This time it was MIKE & MIKE who bounced back and appeared to be on the verge of DC glory with a 14-11 lead. But then Magnum MIKE hit a Hey-Bails deuce to get them within one and set-up Big Bob for the Smoke-Less Deuce for the DC.

The Iron Man Finale (IMF) then saw a still stunned MIKE & MIKE defeated by Hey (note Bails was gone by then).

AGE OLD HOOPS QUESTION?

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

As HHI began anew in 2006, the Captains B4R=Q and M2 decided to answer that AGE OLD HOOPS QUESTION? Is it all about the Guards or is it more of a Big Man's game? Thus they drafted as follows:
* Bigger Is Better = What the Heck, Magnum Mike, Big Bob (Not Smoker for 30 days & counting), Mighty Kerr and Miller Madness
* Small Ball = Quick Mike, Old School Bruce, FUn Frank, Diggetty Doug Bales, and Big Billy Boy Babe Ruth
* 11th Man Strong Safety Rover = Iron Mike

Commissioner Collin was there with his Small Football and he also told us he got a Big Blue Bus for Christmas, so as usual he would call it right down the middle & make sure the AGE OLD HOOPS QUESTION got answered on the court.

On the court in Game #1, it was Bigger Is Better proving that as they pounded it in the paint on offense & clamped down hard on Small Ball defensively while garnering the win.

But it appeared to be a much different story in Game #2 as Small Ball ran & long-balled their way to what appeared to be an insurmountable lead. But But with their leading scorer Heck on the bench, Bigger Is Better made a late run of their own capped by back-to-back deuces by M2 & Big Bob for the Small Ball-busting victory.

With the 1st Daily Championship of 2006 already nestled in the Big hands of Bigger Is Better, Game #3 was for Small Ball Pride. They played valiantly, but in the end it was Bigger Is Better making themselves the definitive answer to that AGE OLD HOOPS QUESTION (atleast for this weekend).

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) with Big Bob hand-picking his team of Iron, DD Bales & Magnum vs. Quick, Heck, Mighty & M2. A good IMF game as those things go, but at the end it was Iron Mike finishing on the break to capture the 1st IMF Title of 2006.