CADDY CAMEO FUGGEDDABOUTIT

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

With Scott the Shot back again today & CADDY also making a CAMEO appearance, HHI expected a capacity crowd @ Ozzies, but nobody showed up except the 16 Hoopsters in action. Evidently the Mifflin crowd couldn't get out of bed after a night of partying after their biggest victory in school history, the Wyomissing contingent was busy this AM thanking their lucky stars after a miraculous win in Hershey, and the Wilson fans were too embarrased to show after being totally taken apart by their archrivals. Speaking of archrivals, today's HHI Captains were Scott the Shot, CAMEO CADDY & Quick Mike who created these virtual franchises:
* Shotologists = Captain Shot, What the Heck, Iron Mike, Mighty Kerr, and Your Athletic Supporter
* CAMEO CADDYshackers = Captain CADDY, Gary US Bonds, Bank'in Bowers, Pat's Steak & Bake, and crowd favorite: EX-Smoker Bob returning from Fordham's football season where Smokeless Ben Dato averaged nearly 45 yards per punt (& they punted alot)
* Quick Draw McGraws = Captain Quick, Diggetty Doug Bales, Hooo Shot JR, Magnum, and Knee Scab Phil
* 16th Man = Roving Radon Rader

Round 1 saw the Shotologists win the opening (2) games and then Quick Draw McGraws won a shootout over the CAMEO CADDYshackers. Round 2 saw the CAMEO CADDYshackers upset the #1 ranked Shotologists on a tough game-winning shot in traffic by Pat's Steaks, but the Shotologists bounced back to defeat the Quick Draw McGraws who then bounced back to defeat the CAMEO CADDYshackers on Phil's game-winner. So let's tally the records & distribute the CADDY CAMEO [Awards]:
Shotologists 3-1 [Daily Champions]
Quick Draw McGraws 2-2 [Stink'in Losers]
CAMEO CADDYshackers 1-3 [FUGGEDDABOUTIT]

I also picked up a tidbit of confidential info this AM which if you tell anyone outside the HHI Circle, the HHI Mafia will send you swimming with the fishes. For secrecy the HHI Mafia has a whole different set of nicknames: Luigi Fatface, Razor Blade Tony, Salvatore Hankypants, Ass-Clown Ralph, Louie the Hammer, Autistic Tito Russo, and Jack & the Beanstalk Gambino (I made up the last one, but to generate your own HHI Mafia name, go to http://gangstaname.com/mafia_name.php). Anyway--now that you have been sufficiently warned, here's the confidential info: Albright is considering ex-Wilson Coach Jim Cantafio as their next Head Football Coach, now FUGGEDDABOUTIT.

BLACK FRIDAY HOOP-A-HOLICS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

While the women, children & metrosexuals were out spending big bucks on the shopping circuit early on BLACK FRIDAY, a Sweet Sixteen BLACK FRIDAY HOOP-A-HOLICS piled into Ozzies and paid less than $100 Total for the honor & privilege of playing for Hills Hoops Inc (HHI). Captains Chris Shiery the Science Guy-ry, Magnum Mike, and the visiting Scott the Shot then selected these BLACK FRIDAY HOOP-A-HOLICS franchises:
-- Science Non-Fiction = Captain Chris (the artist formally known as Chris Cross Will Make You Jump-Jump), Weight Watchers Bob (the artist formally known as Sheriff Hacker Sponge Bob Square Pants & Little Yao), Quick Mike, and the Battlers of Little Big Horn-berger (i.e. Jason & Bill)
-- The Mag-nifiers* = Captain Magnum, Knee Scab Phil, Diggetty Doug Bales, FUn Frank, and Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap
* see http://www.magnify.com/ where they're "Leveraging insurance data to identify fraud and discover subrogation opportunities"
-- Da Bulls, Da Bears, Da Shots = Captain Chicago Shot, B4R=Q (aka Big Billy Boy Babe Ruth), Bank'in Bowers, Mighty Kerr, and Iron Mike
--16th Man Rover = Coach $6 Bill who really got his money's worth while appearing in all of the 10 games

Before the BLACK FRIDAY HOOP-A-HOLICS Tournament, Bill Hornberger told me about a fringe benefit of his new executive position, his Co. purchased him "Magnum Insurance" which is a big profit-maker for Magnum as he frequently tells us "that was clean!!!" and thus there should (theoretically) be no payouts. But it gave Big Bill piece of mind which in combination with son "Little" Jason, Quick Mike, Captain Shiery, and the slim-and-trim Weight Watching Hacker Bob led to a perfect 6-0 record & the BLACK FRIDAY HOOP-A-HOLICS Daily Championship, and thus turned Science Fiction into Science Non-Fiction.

In the Stink'in Losers Bracket--Da Bulls, Da Bears, Da Shots managed an opening round victory over The Mag-nifiers but that was it as Scott's neighbor Antonio Davis would have been disappointed by their 1-6 record and Antonio's wife will surely be screaming at Scott when he gets back home. After that opening loss--The Mag-nifiers won 3 straight over Da Shots, but just didn't study hard enough to master Science Non-Fiction as they finished 3-4.

Note HHI will go for 2 days in a row for the 1st time in a long while tomorrow @ 8am @ Ozzies.

PROGRESS OR REGRESS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Steve-Roller What the Heck returned to HHI from Coaching Albright where that Program had PROGRESSED, but then REGRESSED this year costing his Boss' (i.e. EJ Sandusky) job. We told Heck that while he was gone, all of our games had PROGRESSED so much, that as DD Bales pointed out--Heck might not even get picked. Today's squads were picked by World B. Fri-to Ski & Knee Scab Phil as follows:
* Dr. Phils = Captain KS Phil, Magnum, Hooo Shot JR, DD Bales, and Quick Mike
* Houston, We Have a Problem = Captain Ski (whose planning to relocate to Houston), Swoop, Gary US Bonds, Iron Mike, What the Heck (who did get picked), and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 started with such REGRESS that Iron Mike was sitting out a good 20-25 minutes waiting for 5 baskets to be scored. PROGRESS was hard to identify moving forward from there, especially from the Houston, We Have A Problem team--who had Big Problems in a 15-6 shellacking by Dr. Phils.

Game #2 represented some degree of PROGRESS for Houston led by an early deuce by Captain Ski. They held that lead for awhile, but REGRESSED in the home stretch, and were beaten 16-11 by JR's deuce. When it was questioned why Jay went for 2--Swoop quoted the late great Bo Schembechler who had gone for 2 with a big lead over Da Buckeyes: 'because I couldn't go for 3".

Speaking of Ohio St-Michigan, an early HHI story idea was to bill today's game as #1 vs. #2 in the HHI Rankings. But after observing the REGRESSING Level of play today (to which I contributed more than my fair share), I didn't think I could pull that story off. So on to Game #3 where Dr. Phils showed they were well-adjusted while completing the Daily Championship Sweep.

Stay tuned for further info regarding HHI on Black Friday.

NOVEMBER DAY TO REMEMBER

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It was a NOVEMBER DAY TO REMEMBER--first & foremost to REMEMBER & Honor our Veterans on their NOVEMBER DAY. It is also a very nice NOVEMBER DAY TO REMEMBER & enjoy the be-a-u-tiful weather by doing something outside. Thus HHI Founding Fathers: Swoop, Lipper & Scholesinator decided to Go Fish the Hudson River in New York this NOVEMBER DAY TO REMEMBER. Yours truly chatted with them during the HHI pre-game and asked if they would be camping there. Scholesy replied that in NY they don't call it camping, but rather "homeless", so I wished them luck finding a good box. Meanwhile, the Hoopsters were stuck in a box inside @ Ozzies as a result of Gary Ozzie's ironclad HHI deal with these squads determined by shirt color:
* Alotta Mikes = Quick Mike (who departed early in Game #2 relating to a CarTech fire), Iron Mike, Bank'in Mike/Paul Bowers, Mikey Kerr & Yours Truly
* Alotta Fritos = World B. Fri-to Ski, Knee Scab Phil, Coach $6 Bill, and the Frito Bandido (his CIA alias)--Secret Agent Magnum
* Others Missing in Action (MIA) = Dicky Hertz, Jack Meoff, Haywood Jablowmy, Osmama Bin Fartin, and Alotta Fagina

Game #1 saw Alotta Mikes missing Alotta Shots as Alotta Fritos had the genius defensive strategy of leaving them open to shoot. Offensively, all Alotta Fritos players {wait for it} "chipped" in for the win. Game #2 was a little different as Alotta Mikes started making shots, especially Iron Mike as they tied the series at 1. Between games, Coach asked if the HHI Blog was on MyFace.com, I think he meant MySpace, but Magnum quickly replied that it was on YourAss.com. Being the good investigative reporter I am, here's what I surprisingly found there:
Congratulations! You have found YourAss with both hands, typing.

YourAss is loaded with useful stuff such as a powerful internet search engine, message boards, live chat, free email accounts, yourname@yourass.com, etc.

So go ahead, pull stock tips and quotes out of YourAss. Post messages on YourAss community boards and meet other friends of YourAss. Cover YourAss, it's on the line.

Anyway, that didn't leave us Alotta Time, but enough to combine the Daily Championship & Iron Man Finale on a NOVEMBER DAY TO REMEMBER. Both teams were pretty tired by then, but played like warriors and in a close game it was the Mikey Kerr winning it all at the end for Alotta Mikes.

SURPRISE!!!

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

HHI's Founding Fathers--Swoop, Scholesinator, Mighty Kerr, and Yours Truly were invited along with their lovely wives to a SURPRISE Party for the 25th Wedding Anniversary of Iron Mike & Pure Carbon Corrine (if this spelling is wrong, it's Poletti's fault). In addition, the HHI Fans voted for the (2) Most Competitive Guys to also attend and that turned out to be Magnum & Quick Mikes. Magnum didn't attend because it was a Non-Competitive event and Quick showed up but didn't follow the HHI pre-SURPRISE Plan that had been laid out (he's so competitive that he had to do it His Way). Atleast he brought his better half--Cool E.

Anyway, here was the Genius SURPRISE Game Plan created by Iron & Pure Carbon's (PC) Kids which include HHI's Adam Bomb, although his oldest Daughter Jenn played the lead role in it. Iron & PC go to a Birthday Party for Iron's Mom in Wyomissing at which Jenn has to leave early because she has a Hockey-related event (note it wasn't the HHI Hockey Game that Scholesy is "organizing" as Iron wouldn't have believed that was actually happening) to attend. So Jenn comes home & sets the party up with other invitees (none of which I know except Harvard Mom & Dad from 3P Volleyball) and then makes an Academy Award-winning SURPRISE call to her Dad. While "upset & crying", she tells her Dad (aka Iron) that their house has been robbed and the police are on the way.

Iron & Pure Carbon & Co. then jump into their cars in Wyomissing and speed off to the scene of the robbery (aka The SURPRISE). Iron is driving 75 mph all the way from Wyomissing & notes later that he figured if he got pulled over by the cops, he'd just tell them about the "robbery" which they could confirm [SURPRISE!!!]. So they get there "licketty split", bust thru the door, and hear SURPRISE!!! They were Punk'd & the look on Iron Mike's face was absolutely Priceless, and I believe that Diane-dretti Poletti captured it on camera so maybe we'll all get to see it.

HHI observations from the SURPRISE Party:
* Iron Mike told us it was lucky he didn't have his gun in his glove compartment--that could have been ugly if he had his finger on the trigger when a White House full of people yelled SURPRISE!!! Also HHIers--make a mental note to call all your Fouls against Iron (including Charges) whenever you see his car at the games.
* The White Kids (note Iron Mike's name is "White") put together a very nice spread which the HHI Contingent appreciated
* To show their appreciation, HHI 1st wiped out much of the "Dips" table (including the Buffalo Dip made by Swoop) before "inconspicuously" making their way over to the cold scrimp to put a "big dent" in that tray
* Swoop told us that Iron had made a confession that AM on the way to Hoops that he had seen "Brokeback Mountain" the night before {Pause}, but he didn't like it. Thankfully as Swoop's "posterior" (remember, this is a Family report) couldn't have handled that after the "camera incident".
* Cool E told us that Quick liked Brokeback Mt., but he denied it & also spent much of the night Competitively trying to convince all of us that he's not competitive.
* The White Kids set-up a cool streaming digital computer display of Iron Mike & Pure Carbon's wedding pictures. Consensus was that PC was hot, but Iron was kind of geeky back then (I heard he had a cool car though, so guess that's how he scored). Cool E noted Iron was much handsomer now, and although I know the HHI Guys were thinking the same thing--they didn't want to say anything after the Brokeback discussion.
* Swoop shot me with a champaign cork in a SURPRISE attack before we all toasted Pure Carbon & Iron's 25th Anniversary SURPRISE!!!

LIT A FIRE UNDER....

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

As the Wilson vs. Wyomissing argument rages on, there was a new question to be answered today @ Ozzies: Whose the Better Coach--Mighty Kerr or $6 Bill? So these HHI Veterans created the following virtual franchises:
* The Mighties = Coach Mighty, Radon Rader, Magnum Mike, Iron Mike, Gary US Bonds, and Your Athletic Supporter
* The Buff Bills = Coach $6 Bill, Chris Shiery the Science Guy-ry, Giant Lipper, Bank'in Bowers, DD Bales, and Swoop there he is
* 13th Man Rover = Stiff Quick

Game 1 was pretty tight in the early stages, but then Coach Mighty saw something he didn't like from Radon Rader & pulled him aside. Coach Mighty never berates his players in public, so don't know what was said, but it obviously LIT A FIRE UNDER Rader's "Rectum" as Radon metamorphosized from inert & colorless to a major health hazard for The Buff Bills as The Mighties prevailed.

It was more of the same in Game 2 as Coach Mighty's FIRE continued to burn UNDER Rader and there were no ifs, ands, or "Butts" about it--he was having a career day. This career day included the "HHI Play of the Day" as he extinguished/blocked a Quick Mike deuce and kick-started the Daily Championship-winning fastbreak for Coach Mighty & his Mighties.

Game 3 was for The Buff Bills Pride and they came out determined & took a 4-0 lead, but Coach Mighty made some offensive & defensive adjustments that allowed his Mighties to turn it around for their 3rd straight win. And during the post-game celebration, Magnum & Yours Truly nailed the Flying Chests Bump which Coach Mighty had been working on with them all week. Thus, there is no need for any further debate as Mighty proved he's clearly the Better Coach.

That just left the Iron Man Finale which (with Radon Rader gone) Iron Mike fittingly turned into his own Party (no Surprise there) as The Mighties activated SVHS's Mercy Rule while Sweeping the Buff Bills.