SOME WILL SAY: DAMN WHAT AN ASS----WHOOPING

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Shortly after I departed for Ozzies, I saw a colorfully bundled figure waving to me and when I looked closely I realized it was none other than HHI Hall of Famer--Old School Bruce. He told me that after he fed HHI Hall of Famer--Commissioner Collin a hearty breakfast, he left for a neighborhood walk @ 6:30am & by then it was 7:43am and he was far from home. I admire that Old School Bruce looks to get the max out of everything he does, and trying to get the max out of what little talent they have left were a Perfect "Bo Derek" 10 hoopsters splitting into these squads:
* Punxsutawney Phils = Captain Knee Scab Phil (Connor), Mighty Kerr, Diggetty Doug Bales (returning from I/R), What the Heck, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Open Mikes = Captain Quick Mike, Iron Mike, Magnum Mike, Pat's Steaks with Mike's Hard Lemonade, and Swoop'on from Houston (home of Tracy MikeGrady)

Game 1 & Game 2 both started with Quick Mike deuces and Open Mikes proceeded to find Open Mikes for baskets thru out. Meanwhile Punxsutawney Phils weren't only having trouble finding their shadows, but also good passes to open teammates & the basket noting the latter was impacted by Open Mikes "Hack-a-Heck" Defense. The end results were Open Mikes wins to win the Daily Championship (DC) after which a grinning Magnum proclaimed (and I hope I don't misquote him) DAMN WHAT AN ASS----WHOOPING.

But Punxsutawney Phils (P2) had too much heart and/or not enough brains to quit. They battled hard in Game 3 despite a gimpy Bales and a hamstrung Phil. They battled to the end when a perceptive Heck realized that like Boise State--they had little left in the tank and needed to go for 2 and the win. Rather than draw up a trick play, Heck simply fired in a "Pat's Steaker" deuce for the P2 win.

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) Title which SOME WILL SAY (& especially me after I lose the DC) is really HHI's Super Bowl . This was another game that saw P2 battling from behind to tie it up late before Yours Truly--Jack Strap nailed the IMF Title-winning deuce which SOME WILL SAY should entitle him to the IMF MVP (& especially me when I hit the Finale shot).

PROTON POWER

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Swoop's plane swooped in from Texas last night with the crew of ESPN Leesporte`, although they had a tough time getting thru airport security as "Michael Vick secret compartment" measures were instituted. Swoop wasn't transporting any marijuana, but he did bring his beamed in PROTON POWER (ask him where he hid it).

This AM's Coach/Captain were Coach Bill & Pat's Steaks who will be celebrating his 40th Birthday tonight at Buck Rubs which I believe specializes in therapeutic back or buck massages, as well as something called a lap dance (must be a new therapeutic procedure). They selected these virtual franchises:
* PROTONS = Swoop, Scholesinator, Bank'in Bowers, What the Heck, Coach Bill & Your Athletic Supporter
* Electrons = Captain Pat, Quick Mike, Ian Rocks, Iron Mike, Magnum, and The Mighty Kerr
* 13th Man Rover = Knee Scab Phil was a late scratch with a lingering hamstring pull that was aggravated Thursday while walking in the Fritos Warehouse. Note that Dewey Dickum & Howe are investigating the Workmans Comp claim.

Game 1 saw the effect of Swoop's new PROTON POWER as he was positively charged (Science joke--arh, arh, arh) and simultaneously ubiquitous & omnipresent on the fastbreak & defense--the end result was a PROTONS victory. In Game #2, the Electrons tried to counteract the PROTONS (Warning: Science Content) and although they have an equal charge, a PROTON'S mass is 1836 times that of an Electron. This was particularly apparent when Steve-Roller Heck deuced in the 15-13 game-winner which gave the PROTONS the PROTON POWER Daily Championship.

Game 3 was for Electrons Pride and they jumped to a 5-0 lead and then held on for the win. This set the stage for the Iron Man Finale (IMF) which saw PROTON POWER POWERING to an 8-1 lead when Swoop leaped up for a tip-in (and this is only after 3 PROTON Beam treatments, he may be dunking by the time he gets to treatment #32). But then there was an unexplained atomic reaction which saw the Electrons bounce back with a 14-2 run capped by Pat's Birthday Deuce & Quick's Circus Peanuts shot for the IMF Title.

1-MAN HECKING CREW

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Yours truly was among the 2500 fans last night who watched an exciting comeback by Wilson fall just short vs. Reading. Also in attendance were HHI's Commissioner Emeritus Collin, Old School Bruce, Magnum, and Connor Magnum who was watching some of his Reading PALs play. But the "big" story was the sighting of Sprewell Sprockett who has put on about 25 pounds on the McDonald's "Super Size Me" Diet.

But that wasn't the only must-see game in the County this weekend as HHI was in action this AM @ Ozzie's with these Mod Squads:
* Hairy Kerry = Captain Mighty Kerr, Swoop, Coach Bill, Connor Magnum, Knee Scab Phil, and Steve-Roller What the HECK
* Dirty White Boys = Captain Iron Mike White, Magnum, Bank'in Bowers, Quick Mike, Scholesinator, Your Athletic Supporter, and later--Follow the Bouncing Ball Brett Gaul

The 1st 3 games saw Steve-Roller HECK acting as a 1-MAN HECKING CREW as despite some tough defense, he was just hitting everything from everywhere. At one point, he pulled up at the red line (i.e. well behind the Deuce line), literally said "What the HECK" & launched in a "Pat's Steaker". Thus Hairy Kerry walked off with the Daily Championship.

But that wasn't the only Championship on the line as we still had the Iron Man Finale Title which gave the Dirty White Boys (i.e. Ross' Team) a chance to Save Magnum's Weekend. Both squads seemed to want it, but it looked like DWB's game when yours truly tipped in a rebound for a 13-10 lead & yelled "let's win this for Magnum's Weekend" (kind of like The Gipper). But But Coach hit his 1st deuce of the day and then ala Wilson's Josh Smith strutted around like he was 7 for 7. Then "Holy Cow", Hairy Mighty Kerry hit a couple buckets to give his team the lead. But like Bobby Boucher in the Bourbon Bowl, Magnum took matters into his own hands by hitting the game-winning deuce to give the DWB the IMF Title & more importantly "to save his weekend".