YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE that there were a Bo Derek Perfect 10 Hoopsters @ Da Hills this AM with Founding Fathers' Captains Swoop & Jack Strap selecting these YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE franchises:
* Swoop There He Is = Captain Swoop, Who Killed Kenny, Coach Bill, Everybody Knows Joey, and Quick Mike
* You Don't Know Jack = Captain Jack (Will Get You High Tonight), Mighty Kerr, Stay-Puff Marsh-mellow Man, Knee Scab Phil, and Iron Mike

YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE that in Game 1 You Don't Know Jack came out with a chip on the shoulder (although it didn't keep them out of action as did DD Bales' bad leg) figuratively (not literally) and smothered Swoop There He Is with a (what else) smothering defense. Their offense was also efficient and/or effective led by Marsh as they jumped (figuratively not literally) to a 10-0 lead. YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE that Swoop There He Is (wherever Swoop goes, There He Is) then outscored their opponents by 6-5 but it was too little--too late as they fell 15-6.

Swoop There He Is did gain some confidence for Game #2 from how they finished Game #1, but YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE that their key was tightening up a leaky defense with wholesale changes in assignments. The result was a slobber-knocker of a game with all baskets needing to be earned & the lead changing hands several times. You Don't Know Jack was on the verge of the Daily Championship after rallying from a 13-10 deficit to take a 14-13 lead, but YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE that at the very end it was an Everybody Knows Joey slash to the rack basket that tied the series for Swoop There He Is.

But Swoop There He Is evidently used up everything they had in winning that game as they had very little left to give in Game #3 and YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE that You Don't Know Jack showed no mercy in winning the Daily Championship in convincing fashion. And remember that last night, YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE from Your Athletic Supporter that Iron Mike would bounce back from his Roving 0-4 last week to win a DC and he did just that with his usual sharp-shooting & he also did a good defensive job on Quick Mike.

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

HHI's Founding Fathers were back from their Penn State Road Trip (with Swoop & Your Athletic Supporter sporting "hardware" from their Washers Tailgate Championship) and thus in position to EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED which came in the form of totally unforecast rain at around 7:30am. They quickly developed a Plan B @ Ozzies with yours truly advising the (4) players who smartly reported to Da Hills for instructions. So by EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED, there were HHI games this week, unlike last week.

After rejection of the following methods for selecting teams: blue vs. white shirts, glasses vs. no glasses, black shoes vs. white shoes, foul shooting, boxers vs. briefs, and Ginger vs. Mary Ann--Coach Bill & Mighty Kerr volunteered to be Captains and then selected these EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED Franchises:
* Bill-abongs (i.e. seller of Cool sportswear & casual clothing) = Coach Bill, "Holiday" Bill Ruth, Swoop & Quick Mike
* Kerr-angs (i.e. world's biggest selling Rock magazine) = Mighty Kerr, Magnum, Marsh-mellow Man, and Jack Strap
* 9th Man Rover = Iron Mike

The Bill-abongs Coolly came out in Game 1 and quickly got hot with all of them hitting deuces except, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED, Coach Bill. When the Bill-abongs were done scorching the nets, they had a decisive 15-5 win. For those about to Rock, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED as the Kerr-angs turned it completely around in Game 2 with an impressive shooting display of their own while the Bill-abongs misfired left-and-right. When the Ozzies dust settled, the Kerr-angs had an even more decisive 15-3 victory.

With the squads having traded EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED blowouts, the Vegas Oddsmakers were at a loss in setting "the line" for Game #3 until they found (as Quick said) the Common Denominators: the "good" basket had outscored the other by an EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED 30-8 & The Rover--Iron Mike was 0-2. So they picked the Bill-abongs (without Iron) to win Game#3 shooting at the "good" basket and although the score was a little closer--that prediction was "money" led by Coach.

So you might have thought that the Bill-abongs were the Daily Champions with that Game#3 win, but EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED as that wouldn't be fair considering the Common Denominators needed to be evened out with a Game #4. And just when I have you conditioned (like Pavlov's Dog) to EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED which would be a Bill-abongs Daily Championship win on the "bad" basket with Iron Mike, you instead get exactly what you should have EXPECTED--a Kerr-angs victory to even eight (8) of the players at 2-2.

C is for COOKIE-THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

After forgetting the HHI 15th Anniversary cupcakes last week, I brought my wife's COOKIES out right away today after eating one on the way over because C is for COOKIE--THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. But THAT wasn't GOOD ENOUGH for others who were reluctant to eat them early on because it might slow them down--yea, like that would be noticeable.

Today's C is for COOKIE Captains selected these 3x5x1 virtual franchises:
* Bed, Vath & Beyond = Captain "The Question" I-Vath-son, Gary US Bonds, Shady Dan, Coach Bill, and Sheriff Hacker Notorious B.I.G. Biggy Smalls Sponge Bob Little Yao Pants
* Motel 6-1 = Captain Quick Mike Motyl (pronounced Motel), Scholesinator, "Holiday" Bill Ruth, Who Killed Kenny, and Diggetty Doug Bales
* Million Man Marsh (3M) = Captain Marsh-mellow Man, Iron Mike, The Return of The Microwave Ian , Mighty Kerr, and Your Athletic Supporter (a.k.a. M2)

Quick's Motel 6-1 = 5 players sat out the 1st game after he went 0-fer on the foul line shootout. Then 3M's M2 started that game by burying a deuce & attributing it to the "special ingredient" in the C is for COOKIE--THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. Having seen that--Quick's squad then went to the COOKIE bag; while Bed, Vath & Beyond didn't have any time to get COOKIES until Your Athletic Supporter swished in a COOKIE-enhanced deuce to beat them & THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

Motel 6-1 then entered the fray hoping they wouldn't toss their COOKIES as they had to battle both the heat & the Million Man Marsh. The COOKIES special ingredient appeared to give Scholesy stealthy power as he was undetected by the Million Man Marsh while scoring 2 or 3 easy layups. But Yours Truly still had the C is for COOKIE in his system while hitting a key deuce followed by a Microwave Ian game-winner as the Million Man Marsh earned the Daily Championship & THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

That just left the C is for Consolation game where I think Motel 6-1 defeated Bed, Vath & Beyond or maybe it was Bed, Vath & Beyond defeating Motel 6-1, but who really cared at that point as the DC's 3M were busy celebrating over COOKIES & THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

After some attrition, a dozen remained for the Iron Man Finales Tournament splitting up the COOKIES as follows:
* COOKIE Monsters = Mighty, Iron, Marsh, Kenny, Scholesy, and Jack Strap
* World Wide Web COOKIES = I.T. Guru Vath, US Bonds, Shady Dan, Coach Bill, Quick & Hacker who didn't make it to the end my friend

Game 1 of the IMF Tournament saw the COOKIE Monsters points being commentated by The Count: "that's one C is for COOKIE basket--ha, ha, ha, ha" and the final count saw the COOKIE Monsters prevailing & THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

The IMF Tourney's Game 2 saw WWW COOKIES tracking the COOKIE MONSTERS every move as programmed by Vath, but that invasion of privacy didn't deter the COOKIE Monsters too much. The teams eventually found themselves deadlocked at 14 when Marsh appeared poised to win it with a cutting lay-up, but he missed as the combo of Marshmellows & COOKIES threw off his equilibrium. The World Wide Web (which was invented by either Al Gore or Al Vath) then made no mistake with their COOKIES for the series-tying "W".

Although the IMF Tourney was tied, everyone decided THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME and promptly finished up Karen's C is for COOKIES before departing until next Saturday @ 8am, although HHI will then be without COOKIES & the Penn State Road Trippers: Scholesy, Swoop, Mighty, Lipper & Your Athletic Supporter.

FIFTEEN (15) YEARS AGO

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

FIFTEEN (15) YEARS AGO on Labor Day Weekend in 1992, a 3-on-3 half court hoops game after the Reitzy Road Rally (3R) started what has developed into the colossus that you now know as Hills Hoops Inc. (HHI). Some other things from this time way back in 1992: a gallon of Gas = $1.05; Dow Jones Industrial Average = 3300; Avg. cost of a New Home = $122K; Popular Films featured Aladdin, A Few Good Men & Wayne's World; Historic events included Bill Clinton elected President, Hurricane Andrew, John Gotti sentenced to Life in prison, and the FDA urged stopping the use of silicone gel breast implants.

To mark today's FIFTEENTH Anniversary of HHI, My Wife made brownie cupcakes in basketball-themed cupcake liners, but since my memory isn't what it was FIFTEEN (15) YEARS AGO--I forgot until I went back to my car after the Iron Man Finale, so only HHI Founding Fathers Swoop, KS Phil, Mighty & Jack Strap (along with Gary US Bonds who I felt bad for after Appalachian St. upset his Michigan team) got them.

Today's Captains (in draft order) EX-Smoker Bob, Your Athletic Supporter, Chris Shiery the Science Guy-ry, and Gary US Bonds selected these Not FIFTEEN (15) YEARS Ago, But Now Franchises:
* Fordham Father = Captain Big Bob, Magnum, Knee Scab Phil, and Iron Mike (playing with 4, but not short-handed)
* Founding Fathers = Captain Jack "Will Get You High Tonight" Strap, Swoop, Hoooo Shot JR, Pat's Steaks, and Sheriff Hacker Notorious B.I.G. Biggy Smalls Sponge Bob Little Yao Pants
* Scientific Method = Captain/Science Teacher Chris, DJ Jazzy Jones, Radon Rader, Who Killed Kenny, and Quick Mike
* Michigan Wolverines = Captain Gary "Appalachian St." Bonds, Alan "The Question" I-Vathson, Mighty Kerr, Bank'in Bowers, and Diggetty Doug Bales

Round 1 saw Scientific Method methodically defeating Fordham Father, but ESPN's featured game was the Founding Fathers (FF) making like Appalachian St. vs. the Wolverines of Michigan. FF-App St. came out with a chip on their shoulder & jumped all over Michigan for a 9-3 lead, but the Wolverines came back with "Chad Henne" only to lose 11-10 at the end after App St. blocked a field goal attempt, thus it was deja-vu all over again (as pictured below).
On to Round 2 after the Stink'in Losers (e.g. Michigan) switched courts. Fordham Father (FF) then took on the Founding Fathers (FF) in the FF Father Bowl which saw Fordham Father EX-Smoker Bob punting, passing & kicking his team to the win to even both squads at 1-1. At Michigan, Scientific Method proved that the Michigan Wolverine players didn't go to Science class as they were figuratively schooled by Chris Shiery the Science Guy-ry and his teaching assistants.

The Championship Round saw the geeks of Scientific Method rudely spoiling the occasion for the Found Fathers, who started all this FIFTEEN (15) YEARS AGO, as they prevailed for the Daily Championship. Meanwhile in the Stink'in Losers bracket, it was the Fordham Father himself backing up his word that Division 1-AA cannot only compete but beat the "big boys" as they defeated Michigan on a KS Phil field goal.

That just left the Iron Man Finale that wasn't even in existence FIFTEEN (15) YEARS AGO (invented years later as the League expanded) as Fourteen (14) players remained on a picturesque day which was much like FIFTEEN (15) YEARS AGO. The IMF squads were split based on shirt color as follows:
* Michigan (in Blue) = Gary US Bonds, Quick, Vath, Kenny, Bales, Mighty & Rader
* Oregon (with Pat in Yellow) = Pat's Steaks, Swoop, Iron, Phil, QB Magnum, Big Bob, and Yours Truly
Michigan did bounce back to take home the IMF Title, but is it enough to save Lloyd Carr's job noting that FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, he was the Wolverines Defensive Coordinator under Bo Schembechler's successor Gary Moeller?