GETTING UP FOR THE BIG GAME

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

After an HHI week filled with innuendo regarding Sgt. Carter's prowess (Note to Colonel Mrs. Carter: 2 minutes & 13 seconds is a bit better than Not GETTING UP FOR THE "BIG GAME"), the Hoopsters were ready to get back on the court with a Down & Dirty Dozen having no problems GETTING UP FOR THE BIG GAME @ Ozzies. The Captains today were Coach Bill & Sheriff Hacker Bob who selected these virtual franchises:
* McAllister Deuces (who unlike their dyslexic namesake, are not out for the season) = Coach Bill McAllister, Knee Scab Phil, DJ Jazzy Jones, Who Killed Kenny, Energizer Boni, and Quick Mike
* Hacker Aces (the sequel to Stroker Ace starring Burt Reynolds & Gomer Pyle whose boss was Sgt. Carter) = Coach Sheriff Hacker Notorious B.I.G. Biggy Smalls Sponge Bob Little Yao Pants, Radon Rader, Gary US Bonds, Mighty Kerr, Iron Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter

GETTING UP FOR THE BIG GAME started with Game #1 as Hacker Aces got out of the gate quickly (although not within 2 minutes & 13 seconds) to take a 3-0 lead only to see McAllister Deuces pass them on the outside like Secretariat who was in his prime at around the same time as most of HHI. But Gary US Bonds kept Hacker Aces in it with Deuces and they rewarded him with a 15-14 victory while he was in Quick's bathroom.

GETTING UP FOR THE BIG GAME# 2 appeared to be easy for Hacker Aces as they jumped to a seemingly insurmountable 11-4 lead before for the stink'in losers woke from their nightmare and turned things around as Knee Scab Phil became Floor Burn Phil, Kenny-mania was running wild, Boni was Energizing, etc, etc. as they made a great comeback for a 15-14 win to tie the series.

This set up THE BIG GAME FOR the Double Daily Championship (DDC) since last week's DC was a push, thus nobody had trouble GETTING UP FOR it. It was yet another hard fought battle, but a key "4th quarter" deuce by Iron Mike (who takes them very selectively) followed by another by Gary sparked Hacker Aces' DDC.

HHI may be aging, but the (12) Hoopsters GOT UP FOR THE BIG Iron Man Finale GAME as McAllister Deuces played like they had something to prove, although Hacker Aces wasn't going to give them anything. But with the score tied late, Quick Mike stepped into the passing lane for a steal & layup for the IMF Title which he celebrated with Oooey Gooey bars from Confectionately Yours.

So that brings us to GETTING UP FOR THE BIG GAME tonight in Happy Valley (a.k.a. Paternoville). HHI is represented there by Swoop & Commissioner Wojo-Mojo who were GETTING UP FOR THE BIG GAME by throwing beer on Corso Sux after he picked the buckeyes---WE ARE!!!!! PENN STATE!!!!!

ONCE I WIN...

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

With Tsunami Swoop in FL, I had to rely on weather.com who forecast 100% chance of thunderstorms & flood warnings last night, so I skipped the Wilson game & moved Hoops to Ozzies. The actual weather was just some much needed rain, so I guess weather forecasting is a little like predicting how many will show up for HHI as today there were only Seven Up for hoops. Those (7) split as follows:
* White Rain = Magnum, Bank'in Bowers & Quick Mike
* Blue Thunder = Iron MIke, Mighty Kerr, Scholesinator & Yours Truly

Now you might think those team names are weather-related, which they are but the urban dictionary always has a different slant on everything (and if you don't believe me--check it out for yourself):
* White Rain = to cum into a fan so the cum will spray everywhere
* Blue Thunder = fuck-off

In Game 1, White Rain was so hot that they needed a fan as they sprayed shots in from all over the court. Meanwhile, Blue Thunder was consistently finding the open man who consistently missed. The end result was an impressive White Rain WIN after which the quotable Magnum said "it's easier to be on the 3-Team" and "ONCE I WIN the 1st game, I don't worry about the rest". Blue Thunder didn't reply, but I'm sure they were thinking "fuck-off".

Before the second game, the Stink'in Losers took extra shooting practice which paid off as Jack Strap started Game #2 off with a patented bank shot which opened the flood gates for Blue Thunder marksmanship that was much more accurate than the aforementioned 100% weather forecast. When the dust settled, Blue Thunder had an easy WIN after which I quoted myself as saying "it's easier to be on the 4-Team" and "ONCE I WIN the 2nd game, I don't worry about the rest". I forecast that White Rain's Magnum was then thinking "fuck-off".

Game 3 was unfortunately marked by injuries as Magnum had to retire with a hyper-extended knee and Quick was a bit hobbled with a bad foot. At the end, we were just trying to finish 3-on-3 without anyone else getting hurt. So although there was no official Daily Champion, I'm going to give an unofficial DC to the White Rain "Cum-Sprayers". And if Blue Thunder doesn't like it, they can "Blue Thunder".

A TRIBUTE TO COMET

By Your Athletic & Animal Supporter, Jack Strap

With a heavy heart, I want you to know that our family's best friend COMET passed away this past Tuesday night. Thus this is the 1st Strap Report that I've ever written without COMET having greeted me enthusiastically at the door upon my return from Hoops, then me giving COMET a treat after he looked at me with those hopeful eyes, and finally COMET finding a comfy spot nearby to lay down while I pounded the keyboard. COMET gave so much to our family & also to the Spruce Manor Nursing Home where he was a Pet Therapy Dog for many years, so the least I can do is dedicate this as A TRIBUTE TO COMET.

HHI moved inside to Ozzies this nippy albeit sunny morning as we are years removed from our Hardcore outdoors year-round days. There were (9) Hoopsters in action with Yours Truly & Mighty Kerr squaring off as Captains in a Preview of their TCFL battle tomorrow. Although not as rich with talent as the TCFL Draft, they did manage to select these HHI squads:
* Your Legion Of Doom (LOD) = Swoop, Magnum, Coach & Your Animal Supporter
* The Mighties = Quick, Scholesinator, Gary US Bonds & Mighty Kerr
* Blue-White Rover (Not to be confused with Red Rover) = Iron Mike

Game 1 saw Scholesy hitting early after arriving late for the 1st time ever (Note he showed up early @ Da Hills as he hadn't read his email) before Your Legion Of Doom got their Offense into gear. Your LOD's "O" featured Magnum & Swoop picking, rolling & cutting to the basket and scoring off Strap assists or when the Mighties "D" collapsed to deal with that then Coach hitting dagger deuces. But of course, the Mighties made the obligatory comeback to within 13-11 when both teams finally realized that Your LOD basket was more than a foot too low. It was truly amazing that it took us so long to notice something so integral to the game of basketball. Iron then raised the basket just in time for Swoop to beat him & The Mighties on it with a deuce.

Game 2 saw Iron switching to Your Legion Of Doom & wanting badly to break his 5-game Rover losing streak just as much as Your LOD wants to get their 1st TCFL Win vs. The Mighties. This game was a close through out battle with the lead changing hands early & often. The teams saw themselves tied at 14 before Swoop won it inside for his neighbor & HHI driver--Iron Mike. This gave Your Legion Of Doom the Daily Championship & also hope for a TCFL Victory over The Mighties.

Game 3 saw The Mighties with Iron playing hard & well for pride led by Quick's marksmanship as they won easily which gave Iron Mike a 2-1 record and a share of the DC.