GOOD DAY vs. BAD DAY

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It's a GOOD DAY when you win the prestigious 2008 Relay for Life Stanley Cup of Poker Championship as Gary US Bonds did last Saturday & then displayed the coveted Championship Plaque below (think he also received the Lip Dip & Wheat Thins pictured). See further below for a BAD DAY.
It's a BAD DAY when like Diggetty Doug Bales last Saturday:
* You are the stink'in losing Captain at HHI
* You are the 1st eliminated from RfL Poker for the 2nd straight year
* You lose out on adopting a new doggie to a NY couple
* You get propositioned by a She who is really a He (see picture below)

Hope you all have a GOOD DAY at this Saturday's Hoops & then I'll C YA next Saturday.

STANLEY CUP OF POKER

By Your Relay for Life Supporter, Jack Strap

The 3rd Annual Relay for Life POKER Tournament was held this afternoon, high above the Les Portes Strip @ the Poletti Brickhouse Hotel. This year's version was dubbed the STANLEY CUP OF POKER with fifteen (15) of the Top Players in the World who know where the Poletti's live, converging for this extravaganza. Forget those World Series bracelets, they're for "girlie men" as the STANLEY CUP OF POKER Prize is the coveted Championship Plaque plus the all important Bragging Rights.

There was quite the spread for the STANLEY CUP OF POKER including pulled pork sandwiches, soft pretzels with a variety of dips, beer bologna, a variety of beverages, and Confectionately Yours Ooey-Gooey Bars for dessert. This was enjoyed by the participants as Co-Poker Commissioners Quick Mike & F'in Ross set-up the STANLEY CUP OF POKER rules, chips distribution, and tables with the latter split as follows:
* Past Champions Table = 2006 Champion "Moneymaker" Bales, 2007 Champion "On the River" Reitzy, 2006 Runner-up Jack "of Hearts" Strap, Bet'in Bow-Bow-Bowers, Sheriff Hacker Bob, Giant Lipper, and Iron Mike
* Commissioners Table = Quick Mike, F'in Ross, Swoop, Guido-Meister, Scholesinator, Stevey "Wonder" Scholes, Mighty Kerr, and Relay for Life POKER newcomer: Gary US Bonds

It didn't take too long at the Past Champions Table for the betting to get fierce & when the betting got tough, Moneymaker Bales got going as he was the 1st out for the 2nd year in a row. Hopefully Moneymaker then had better luck at the Animal Rescue League as he was going up against a NY Couple (& you know how ruthless those New Yorkers can be) for a new Doggie. Next the Commissioners Table saw the highly touted F'in Ross going All In & out in his 1st Relay for Life POKER Tournament before trying to hustle some money at the pool table.

The STANLEY CUP OF POKER then played on as it was like Gene Hart used to say "there's a rugby scrum in front--they poke, they scramble" before youth hockey player Stevey Scholes was eliminated. The next two to go at the Past Champions Table included our 2007 Relay for Life POKER Champion "On the River" Reitzy & the Doyle Brunson of the STANLEY CUP OF POKER: Sheriff Hacker Bob. Then the Giant Lipper who at one time was as "big stacked" as Mutumbo picked too many fights with Bet'in & maybe Bluff'in Bowers before his chips disappeared leaving just (3) at the Past Champions Table: Bowers, Iron, and Yours Truly who made it to the Championship Table for an unprecedented 3rd straight year. Round 1 concluded with Guido-Meister dropping the STANLEY CUP OF POKER gloves with Gary US Bonds who did what Chet Parlavecchio couldn't do at PSU in knocking out the "Little Fucker".

So it was time for the STANLEY CUP OF POKER Survivor Merger with Gary US Bonds, Swoop, Scholesy, Mighty Kerr, and Quick Mike joining the aforementioned Past Champions Table Threesome. The big stacks were Bowers & Bonds with a smaller stacked Jack "of Hearts" Strap waiting for the right hand to go All In only to have his Kings & 7's bested by Gary's Kings & Queens "swingers" hand. Small stacked Mighty Kerr then took on Quick Mike for the "intercontinental title" and appeared to win with three (count them, 3) Aces only to have Quick pull a Straight straight out of his ass. But Quick had reservations pending for his 51st Birthday Dinner, which was announced on Thursday by Y-102 "from his friends at CarTech" (rumor has it that Quick called this in himself), so he started betting wildly before departing & turning his chips over to Stevey who followed his lead and wildly bet them all away. So that just left a STANLEY CUP OF POKER Fab 5.

[This Report was then delayed until morning as I finally got that dreaded but inevitable call from my Mom and went over there to arrange for the Hospice Nurse to come in to make my Dad's death official & then the Undertakers took away his body which was very surreal. The viewing/funeral services will likely be next Saturday, March 1.]

We now resume the STANLEY CUP OF POKER Report action with Gary US Bonds in the Chip Lead--Iron Mike, Swoop, & Bet'in Bowers with somewhat comparable values--and Scholesy was the Short-Stack. I have found in these Relay for Life POKER Tournaments that it comes down to one dramatic hand in crowning a Champion, but this year it wasn't the suspenseful final hand that did it. Rather it was a Triple Threat Match between "high-rollers" Gary, Iron & PO-letti. Ultimately Swoop & Iron were both "All In" and Gary Called them both--oh the drama. The combatants can fill you in on all the details of the cards (note anyone can make Comments directly to this BLOG as noted below), but what I remember at the end of the hand was that Gary really had a hard time raking in all his chips from that colossal pot & an even harder time stacking them.

From there it was anti-climatic as short-stacked Scholesy was just happy to have backed into a Bronze Medal and was quickly eliminated. Bet'in Bowers then tried to put up a fight, but Gary US Bonds played masterfully in taking home the 2008 STANLEY CUP OF POKER Championship. We took a picture of Gary with the coveted plaque that I wanted to include in this STANLEY CUP OF POKER Report, but need to figure out how to get that from my cellphone to my computer as it appears I would need Bluetooth technology to do that. Anybody with the know-how to do that, let me know.

So at $25/head x 15 POKER heads, we raised $375 less expenses (plaque, etc.) for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life (fittingly my Dad hung in there until that was complete) and managed to have a really great time doing that so it was a Win-Win.

CELEBRATING LIFE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The Compassionate Care Hospice Nurse Shirley told us Monday morning that Dad probably had only a day or 2 more to live after which their Chaplain Betty conducted a moving CELEBRATING LIFE bedroom service. He had really been suffering from the lung cancer that had spread to bone, so we were as ready as we were going to be for him to pass. But somehow inexplicably Dad has hung in there and maybe he just didn't want me to miss (2) straight weeks of HHI because he knows how much I enjoy playing Hoops with that group of CELEBRATING LIFE guys?

So I was CELEBRATING LIFE along with ten other Hoopsters today @ Grace with Captains Bales & Bowers selecting these pre-Relay for LIFE Poker "Royal Flush" squads:
* Moneymakers = Captain Bales, Quick Mike, Swoop, Iron Mike and DJ Jazzy Jones
* Poker Faces = Captain Bank'in, Hoooo Shot JR, Scholesinator, Radon Rader, and Your Athletic Supporter
* 11th Man CELEBRATING LIFE Rover = The Mighty Kerr

Game 1 saw the Poker Faces in control at the flop & turn behind the smooth moves of JR. But on the river the Moneymakers bet heavy on deuces which paid off for a 14-13 lead before Jack Strap CELEBRATED LIFE by arcing up a shot towards the heavens which swished in as a "Deuce for Dad" & the Poker Faces win.

The Moneymakers came back aggressively in Game# 2 and smacked the Poker Faces around before finishing them off in CELEBRATING LIFE Fashion as DJ was wipe open for the game-winning 15-7 lay-up. The Poker Faces then returned the favor in Game 3 with an I---dentical (reference "My Cousin Vinnie") beat down of epic proportions to take the CELEBRATING LIFE Series lead.

The Roving Kerry entered Game 4 for the Poker Faces winless & thinking he maybe should have trusted his initial instincts and stayed home. Maybe not as Mighty was CELEBRATING LIFE when Bowers hit a nifty reverse lay-up for the Poker Faces CELEBRATING LIFE Daily Championship (DC).

That just left the CELEBRATING LIFE Iron Man Finale (IMF), but just before "tip-off" my cellphone rang and the Grace Court got very quiet as I answered thinking it was my Mom with the inevitable news, but it was HHI's Brother Jay-bird checking in & becoming the 1st HHIer not playing to hear who won the DC in advance of the Strap Report. What he didn't hear at that point was that the Moneymakers would win the final IMF Title hand.

So it will be the same Bat time & same Bat channel next Saturday and until then I hope you're all CELEBRATING LIFE.

AMAZING GRACE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The GRACE Fellowship Church was filled with sinners (i.e. HHIers) for today's mass (i.e. games) which started with this AMAZING GRACE song:
AMAZING GRACE, how sweet thy sound
that saved wretches like you & me
We once were lost, but now we found
GRACE Church is the place to be

GRACE was AMAZINGLY filled this AM with 18 Hoopsters who generously donated to the "collection plate" resulting in $60 for GRACE Church & $48 to the Relay for Life. The AMAZING GRACE Captains were Hoooo Shot JR, Pat's Steaks & Your Athletic Supporter who created these cults/sects:
* Crusaders = Magnum, Floor Burn Phil, Bank'in Bowers, Gary US Bonds, What the Heck, and Jack Strap
* JR's Witnesses = Hoooo Shot JR, Scholesinator, Swoop, Mighty Kerr, Quick Mike, and Energizer Boni
* Pat-theism = Pat's Steaks, EX-Smoker Bob, DJ Jazzy Jones, Radon Rader, Iron Mike, and Who Killed Kenny

The Crusaders sat out first as yours truly had won AMAZING GRACE court-side seats at a Poker Game last night from Moneymaker Bales (who was absent again despite the GRACE court corner being Taylor-made for him). From the "front row" (say it like Uecker)-- the 1st game action was vast & curious (as opposed to fast & furious), but worth the price of admission (remember I won the tickets at a Poker Game) as JR's Witnesses got the "W" over Pat-theism.

The Crusaders then finished Round 1 by winning two (2) straight hard-fought battles over JR's Witnesses & Pat-theism that looked something like this:
This winning-stink'in losing pattern continued in Round 2 until the Crusaders were crowned the AMAZING GRACE Daily Champions and then celebrated by taking their court-side seats to cheer on winless Pat-theism vs. JR's Witnesses. Pat-theism jumped to an early 5-1 lead, much to the delight of the capacity Crusader crowd, but were quieted as JR led his Witnesses back to take an 8-7 lead. Although just after that the Crusader crowd erupted when Captain Pat banked in a long deuce for a dramatic 9-8 first Pat-theism win.

The Iron Man Finale (IMF) saw Gary US Bonds' exodus from the Crusaders to form a New World Order (NWO) that left the Crusaders lying in puddles of their own blood. Brian McNamee then came in to clean up the blood, which will be stored in his basement until the Congressional Hearings on HHI Steroids/HGH begin.

HOLY SUPER GROUNDHOG GAMES

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

HHI was on the road again to the very nice Grace Fellowship Church court (Great Job DINB Bowers) for the HOLY SUPER GROUNDHOG GAMES. Speaking of HOLY, HOLY NAME plays Wilson in the 1st Round of the County Playoffs on the strength of their Division IV winning victory last night over D.D. Bales' Wyomissing squad who now face undefeated Reading. Speaking of SUPER, the SUPER BOWL XLII injury report finds Tom Brady "Bunch of Crap" Questionable with a sore shoulder for the 19th straight week. Speaking of the GROUNDHOG, Punxsutawney Phil saw his Shadow which means (6) more weeks of Amazing Grace GAMES. And speaking of GAMES, HHI made like the "White Shadow" (remember Coolidge & Salami?) after selecting our (3) most spiritual players as Captains.

Then those righteous dudes: DINB Bank'in Bowers, Mighty Kerr, and Iron Mike selected these sanctimonious squads:
* Memory Bank = Captain Bank'in, What the Heck, Scholesinator, Pat's Steaks, and Religious Radon Rader (Triple R)
* The All Mighty = Captain Mighty, Swoop, Quick Mike, Who Killed Kenny, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Ironing Boards = Captain Iron, EX-Smoker Bob, DJ Jazzy Jones, Gary US Bonds & Floor Burn Phil

Round 1 started with The All Mighty clearly establishing themselves as the Grace Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight, but they did Remember to "D-Up" Memory Bank to stay in the game until a Bank'in shot beat them 9-8. Ironing Boards then hit the boards but couldn't hit the shots as Memory Bank won their 2nd straight. Next EX-Smoker Bob took charge in leading the Ironing Boards over The All Mighty.

On to Round 2 of the HOLY SUPER GROUNDHOG GAMES with The All Mighty vs. Memory Bank. What I remember about beating Memory Bank was getting The All Mighty's help while ironically Bank'in in a game-winning deuce. Next The All Mighty became big fans of the Ironing Boards but they were eventually quieted as Memory Bank prevailed for the HOLY SUPER GROUNDHOG GAMES Daily Championship. In the consolation GAME it was The All Mighty finishing 2-2 by beating the Iron Boards (1-3) sparked by Coast-to-Coast Kenny.

Before the Iron Man Finale (IMF) Title GAMES--Phil, DJ, and Quick (Starring in "Four GAMES and a Funeral") departed leaving this HOLY SUPER GROUNDHOG GAMES Match-Up:
* Leesport Car Pool = Iron, Mighty, Heck & Swoop with Kenny & Hybrid Strap
* Gas Guzzlers = Bank'in, Scholesy, Gary, EX-Smoker, Pat & Rader (who kept yelling "Sub")

Leesport Car Pool (LCP) proved that a Team who drives together, plays well together as they won easily in the 1st IMF GAME and then after a couple of Gas Guzzlers' 2-balls tied them at 14-14 in GAME #2--the LCP prevailed at the buzzer on a Heck "use all the rim" shot for the IMF Heavyweight Title.