ELITE ELEVEN WOOZY-PALOOZA

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

HHI Madness was down to an ELITE ELEVEN who were Welcomed this AM by a Grace Kids/Parents Sleepover/Breakfast which reportedly included none other than Mrs. Radon Rader. Everybody wanted to pick Davidson including today's Special K Captains Kenny & Kerry who settled for these ELITE ELEVEN WOOZY-PALOOZA squads regarding which any Bracketologist will recognize the Team names:
* Mighty's Majors = Captain Kerry, Swoop, Quick Mike, Gary US Bonds, and Magnum
* Kenny's Mid-Majors = Captain Kenny, EX-Smoker Bob, DJ Jazzy Jones, Iron Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Da Rover = Floor Burn Phil

Unlike any of last night's March Madness blowouts, HHI's 1st Game was "high & tight" just like Freeb's haircuts (for those of you who don't know Freebs, he's the guy that lost his house to yours truly on a basketball trivia bet & then was too scared to go head-to-head when offered a chance for redemption in our Relay for Life Pool). DJ Jazzy Jones played like Curry (the player from Davidson & the Spicy Indian Dish) while scorching the nets to not only keep Kenny's Mid-Majors close all game, but also took it upon himself to win it with a deuce at the exciting 15-14 end.

Game #2 didn't disappoint either as the extremely evenly matched ELITE ELEVEN Teams were always within a few points of each other with the lead changing hands multiple times. Then with the scored tied at 14, Mighty's Majors' teammates Gary & Swoop collided which left Swoop WOOZY on the floor & then out of the game. Da Roving Floor Burn Phil who up to that point had played very well for Kenny's Mid-Majors then had to Transfer to Mighty's Majors after which he hit the WOOZY-PALOOZA game-winning shot for them to tie the series.

So the HHI Brackets were down to two teams playing for the ELITE ELEVEN WOOZY-PALOOZA Daily Championship. Again this was a very close game & looked like it could go either way. Mighty's Majors finally took a 14-13 lead, but Kenny's Mid-Majors had a couple of deuce-looks to win it not go down before play was stopped with Swoop PO-letti saying he felt WOOZY again. But it was just one of the "oldest tricks in the book" as "WOOZY" Swoop then swooped by an unexpecting yours truly for the ELITE ELEVEN WOOZY-PALOOZA DC-winning lay-up.

HHI MADNESS

By Your HHI MADNESS Supporter, Jack Strap

HHI MADNESS' Eastern Regional tipped off this AM with some March snow & the Top 14 Seeds in action. The 15th & 16th Seeds, Heck Tech & Magnum University boycotted HHI MADNESS as a protest against Commish Wojo-Mojo's Seedings which they claim are Penn State-biased. Note the Top 4 Seeds were Penn St. Grads who are also HHI MADNESS Founding Fathers, so how can you argue with that? Setting a better example were the Belmont Bruins who didn't boycott their March MADNESS 15th Seed, but rather they went out & gave Duke the game of their lives. And 16th Seeded, Mississippi Valley State showed up & took their beating from UCLA like Men.

Today's HHI MADNESS Captains were Iron Mike & Bank'in Bowers (who also have purely coincidental ties to PSU) and they recruited these "Upset Special" squads:
* W.KY Hilltoppers/S.D. Toreros = Captain Bank, Bursich Burt, Floor Burn Phil, Mighty Kerr, Gary US Bonds, EX-Smoker Bob, and Swoop
* Villanova Wildcats/Siena Saints = Captain Iron, Quick Mike, Scholesinator, Bad Day Bales, Radon Rader, DJ Jazzy Jones, and Your HHI MADNESS Supporter

Game 1 started with Radon Rader coming off of I/R just for HHI MADNESS & making like Central Catholic/Siena's Alex Franklin while hitting the opening shot which resulted in streamers streaming on to the court from the 'Nova fans. Then supporting the principle of primacy & regency, the other thing I remember about Game #1 was that same Radon Rader hitting the game-winner for Villanova/Siena.

On to Game #2 in the HHI MADNESS Bracket with the Hilltoppers/Toreros playing like 12th/13th seeds should as they battled hard until the "Upset Special" squads were tied at 14 and their Bursich Burt was leading a last minute fastbreak with a feed to "Somebody" for what looked to all like the game-winning lay-up. But "Somebody" missed the lay-up & then Somebody's Brother-In-Law DJ showed him how to do it at the other end for Villanova/Siena's bracket-busting win.

The Hilltoppers/Toreros were stunned, but with HHI MADNESS they had another chance to redeem themselves in Game 3 and made the best of it while jumping to a big lead over Villanova/Siena. Only to see Villanova/Siena come storming back as one deuce after another went up and "down it goes" (as Mark Zumoff bellows) until it was tied at 14 and the Hilltoppers/Toreros called a "time out" to quiet the raucous Nova/Siena crowd. But Captain Bowers evidently drew up a great play as it worked to perfection for the Hilltoppers/Toreros upset win.

This pushed this HHI MADNESS Series to a Game #4 and make no mistake about it the Wildcats/Saints responded as a total team effort led them to the Daily Championship capped by a Bad Day Bales DC-winner. And then it was that same Bad Day Bales having a Good Day while hitting the Iron Man Finale Title-winning basket for the Villanova Wildcats/Siena Saints as they moved on to play another HHI MADNESS day.

CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUN-ISHMENT

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Mohatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet--he suffered from bad breath. This made him (wait for it) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Now that was CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUN-ISHMENT, but simultaneously entertaining. And if you want true entertainment--go to Wilson Southern tonight for their production of "Hello Dolly" co-starring Andrew Miller as Ambrose Kemper. Also entertaining this morning was HHI's production of CRUEL & UNUSUAL Hoops starring:
* The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck = Captain Steve-Roller, Quick Mike, Scholesinator, Iron Mike, and Bursich Burt (who in this "small world" we live in turns out to have worked with my Wife Mrs. Strap at Bursich Associates in Pottstown way back before HHI)
* MagnaVision = Captain Magnum, Swoop, "Bad Day" Bales, Who Killed Kenny, and Floor Burn Phil
* Emergency Room (ER) = Captain Gary US Bonds, DJ Jazzy Jones, Mighty Kerr, Radon Rader, and Your Athletic Supporter

After an HHI Draft that even Mel Kiper would have loved, Heck's Rambling Wreck was confident coming into their Opener vs. Emergency Room (ER) but you never know because that's why we play the games. Early in this game, ER's Radon Rader went down in pain with a leg strain & then left in his car reminding me of that Movie: Pains, Strains, and Automobiles which is CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUN-ISHMENT. Anyway, Emergency Room somehow recovered from that led by DJ Jazzy Jones to get to the verge of victory over The Rambling Wreck only to miss like 8 game-winning shots before losing on Iron's short corner shot.

So after that long game, MagnaVision finally took the court, only to be given the bum's rush off the court by The Rambling Wreck who prevailed 9-3. But MagnaVision stayed on to defeat ER who added to their injury list with Mighty falling hard on his hip & Your Athletic Supporter tweaking his chronically bad elbow.

On to the Final Round which saw The Rambling Wreck sending ER to the Emergency Room where they belonged to set up their Daily Championship Game vs. MagnaVision. Early in this game, Magnum hit his 1st shot in 2 weeks, was then presented with the "game ball", used it to score again, and later even came "out of the closet" but it still was not enough as Heck's Rambling Wreck had too much fire power & took home the DC on a Bursich Burt shot.

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) with yours truly playing hurt for The Wreck & Mighty doing the same for MagnaVision. This was a timed game to 10am with a "buzzer beating" layup by Jack Strap breaking the tie & giving The Rambling Wreck of What the Heck the 8-7 IMF Title Win.

So we need to end this with a CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUN-ISHMENT, but I'll keep it short & sweet: 2 fish swim into a concrete wall & one turns to the other and says "Dam!!!".

BASKETBALL BREAKFAST BUFFET

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Marvin "Bad Day" Bales (name variation of that 70's ABAer out of Providence) asked if Pastor Ray's BREAKFAST BUFFET came with the $6 BASKETBALL Fee. The answer was "No", but a good question nonetheless, although it was still a bargain to play with HHI at Grace Fellowship Church this morning.

Today's Captains were Gary US Bonds, DJ Jazzy Jones, and Swoop but it was the latter who pulled off "The Sting". This con had Quick Mike sitting out in the parking lot until all (3) Teams were selected & Swoop purposely missed the "who plays 1st" foul shot (I mean I haven't seen that guy miss a HHI foul shot for a long while--think about that) and then "radioed" Quick to come in to join his squad in the supple-mental patient draft. This completed the BASKETBALL Squads as follows:
* Bonds, Gary US Bonds = Captain Gary, Iron Mike, Bank'in Bowers, Hoooo Shot JR, and Your Athletic Supporter
* DJ Jazzy Jones & the Fresh EX-Smoker Prince = Captain DJ, EX-Smoker Bob, Radon Rader, Scholesinator, and "Bad News" Bales
* Swoop's Sting = Captain Swoop, What the Heck, Magnum, Knee Scab Phil, Who Killed Kenny & Quick

Like they say--BREAKFAST is the most important BUFFET of the Day and Game #1 is the most important BASKETBALL Game of the Day as Bonds, Gary US Bonds and DJ Jazzy & the Fresh EX-Smoker Prince went at it tooth (remember when Swoop bit Magnum's head?) & nail (somebody scratched up Iron's arms today) until Jack Strap won it for Bonds with a "Doc-to-pussy" Deuce.

Swoop's Sting then took the court with Heck & Magnum (a poor man's Redford & Newman) to take on Bonds & Co. with the Co. including the talented (although not lovely) Hoooo Shot JR who shot with "Goldfinger" touch in leading Bonds, Gary US Bonds to their 2nd straight victory.

Round 1 ended with controversy as Swoop's Sting's Subs called not one but two EX-Smoker two-balls ones (read that again slowly) by claiming his "foot was on the line". DJ Jazzy needed those 2 extra points (note his Nephew is a Kicker) as they were the difference in the Swoop's Sting win.

On to Round 2 with the Game#1 combatants back on the floor & Quick holed up in the bathroom with what I believe was Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). What Quick missed was DJ Jazzy & the EX-Smoker Prince acting like Roger Moore & Sean Connery while beating "The Living Daylights" out of the Timothy Dalton's Bonds.

It was then time for "Thunderball" featuring Bonds vs. Swoop's Sting in a knockdown drag out physical & verbal battle. With score tied at 8, it was Heck who had "A View to a Kill" from the corner for a big Sting "W" shot which instantly turned The Bonds into big DJ Jazzy/Fresh EX-Smoker fans. And Jazzy/Fresh didn't disappoint, but it was their "Bad News" Bales who bellied up to the BREAKFAST BUFFET and hit the game-winning deuce that tied all the BASKETBALL Teams at 2-2.

This just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) with The Bonds + "Hacker" Kenny vs. a Jazzy/Fresh/Swoop "All-Star" Team that didn't include Heck or Magnum who left grumbling about HHI Politics with the unsubstantiated claim that under the Commish Wojo-Mojo reign you have to have Penn State ties to get ahead in HHI. Anyway, it was Bonds, Gary US Bonds winning the coveted IMF Title (which will look good next to the 2008 RfL Poker Championship Plaque) on a Hoooo Shot JR deuce.