COMMISH COLLIN: BALLER

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

This is the 150th Story in this HHI BLOG Series (all of which are available in the BLOG archives) which started on December 24, 2005. When COMMISSIONER COLLIN Retired into the HHI Hall of Fame, we knew he was moving on to bigger & better things and the latest of those is that he has become a BALLER (a Base-BALLER that is) in the Challenger League. Yes, our Buddy COMMISH COLLIN plays for the Reading Purple Team and since he cheered us on for so many years at HHI--it would be great if you could cheer him on at one of his upcoming games as follows:

• Thursday, April 24 @ 6pm @ Conrad Weiser Elementary on Lincoln Drive
• Saturday, April 26 @ 10am @ Reading's Rotary Park (near Camp Lily)
• Thursday, May 1 @ 6pm @ Rotary Park
• Saturday, May 3 @ 10am @ CW Elementary
• Thursday, May 8 @ 6pm @ Rotary Park
• Saturday, May 10 @ 10am @ Boyertown who are known for BALLING
• Thursday, May 15 @ 6pm @ Exeter's Memorial Field (Little League Complex)
• Saturday, May 17 @ 10am @ Rotary Park
• Thursday, May 22 @ 6pm @ Rotary Park
• Thursday, May 29 @ 6pm @ Exeter
• IKF (Iron Kids Finale) on Thursday, June 5 @ 6pm @ Rotary Park vs. Reading's Green Team

RETURN TO DA HILLS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

With HHI Director--Bank'in Bowers' sweetly negotiated inside-outside deal with Grace in place, we were set for a RETURN TO DA HILLS on a glorious day for Hoops. This RETURN TO DA HILLS saw our 1st games there since November 3, 2007 (unless the Boni Good Friday Games actually happened?). EX-Smoker Bob was so psyched he arrived early on a vintage (i.e. old) bicycle & caught up with his brother-in-law DJ Jazzy Jones who has dropped 20 pounds on the "DJ Diet" of fruit & Lean Cuisine. After the Bo Derek "10" players had arrived, Captains Swoop & Chris Shiery the Science Guy-ry created these virtual franchises:

• Frog Dissection = Captain Science Guy-ry, EX-Smoker, Who Killed Kenny, Quick Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter
• Swoop Party Boat* = Captain Swoop, Iron Mike, What the Heck, Mighty Kerr, and DJ Jazzy Jones

* Welcome Aboard The Swoop Party Boat!
Reel in the Time of Your Life - In the World’s Luckiest Fishing Village aboard SWOOP Deep Sea Fishing Boats. With a history largely built upon the famous fruitful waters, Destin is known as the “Worlds Luckiest Fishing Village.” Destin features the widest variety of catches in the Florida Gulf with 20 species of edible game fish.

Game 1 saw Frog Dissection feeling a bit queasy while the Swoop Party Boat (SPB) was having fun playing fast & loose as they sailed to a victory. During this game, Bad Day Bales showed up with his new doggy Brandy "You're A Fine Girl" as leave it to Bales to name her after an alcoholic beverage. In Game #2, the SPB hitched their boat to DJ Jazzy Jones who impressively reeled in 4 deuces for another win.

By Game 3, the Frog Dissection lab was complete but Science class was still in session with a Chris Shiery lecture that inspired his Team and put SPB's DJ to sleep as he "hit the wall" at which point Quick quickly volunteered to guard him. Class was finally dismissed after Frog Dissection sunk the Swoop Party Boat by a 15-7 score. Then on to Game #4, where Who Killed Kenny made (almost) everyone forget about his 0 for 6 shooting in Game 1 while sharp-shooting Frog Dissection to a series tying victory.

So the sub-less & tired 10 were forced to play a "RETURN TO DA HILLS" Daily Championship Game which saw the relatively young What the Heck take the boat wheel and maneuver the Swoop Party Boat to the DC.

INSIDE OR OUTSIDE?

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

"To be or not to be", that was Willy Shakespeare's question but HHI's question is "INSIDE OR OUTSIDE?". A tough one, but let me help you break it down by focusing on the positives of each:

* OUTSIDE @ Da Hills

• HHI Tradition dating back over 15 years
• The Place to be on a nice day
• Two (2) Courts allow Round Robin Tourney
• Free (Coach came up with that at HHI Brainstorming session)

* INSIDE @ Grace Church

• No Worries about Weather (i.e. rain, wind, etc)
• Surface easier on aging legs & if you fall
• Don't wear out sneakers so fast offsetting court fees
• Assures you get to Church every week

So that's a tough question, but the real answer isn't INSIDE OR OUTSIDE, rather it's INSIDE & OUTSIDE (like Ebony & Ivory, together in perfect harmony). Thus our Director of Indoor Basketball (DIB) Bowers is going to try to negotiate a year-round deal with Pastor Ray to allow us to just show up and play INSIDE when we need to & OUTSIDE whenever the weather permits.

So Swoop (AWOL today) is waiting patiently (probably not) for me to tell him the Teams so he can predict who won the Daily Championship. He's probably figuring my Team lost since I'm procrastinating getting to the games. But perhaps I'm just using reverse psychology?

The Captains this AM were Radon Rader & Your Athletic Supporter and they drafted these squads:
* Doppler Rader = Who Killed Kenny, Floor Burn Phil, DJ Jazzy Jones, Scholesinator, and Captain Radon
* Jack in the Box = Mighty Kerr, Quick Mike, Iron Mike, Bank'in Bowers, and Captain Jack "Will Get You High Tonight" Strap

Encouraged by a Rader Air-ball to open Game 1, Jack in the Box got out of the box quickly and appeared in control with a 12-7 lead before Doppler Rader reeled off eight (8) straight points with unconscious shooting to win it. In the post-game interview, Rader noted that he purposely shot that air-ball to take the pressure off his team early & it paid off late.

Rader continued his superior Captaining in Game#2 as he separately told each of his players that they were his #1 Pick and they all played like it (although I have to single out his real #1 Kenny for his shooting) as Doppler Rader won rather easily to clinch the Daily Championship (so Swoop, did you get it right?).

Before Game 3, Captain Jack realized he had to think Outside the Box for Jack in the Box and he did so by changing 4 of the 5 Match-Ups. Although Rader scoffed (since he probably doesn't know what that means: To mock at or treat with derision) at the moves, they turned to be "just the ticket" in JitB's prideful 15-8 victory.

That just left the Iron Man Finale Title which Jack in the Box wanted, but the Doppler Rader was forecasting a 60% chance of taking. This was the only real close game of the day as it was tied at 12 before DJ (he of the "heavy" sneakers which he had used to slow Quick down by stepping on his feet) swished in a deuce and then somebody else (I don't know & I don't care who) scored the game-winner for Doppler Rader's IMF Title.

PANDEMANIAC CELEBRATION

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It is the 25th Anniversary of arguably the greatest upset in Hoops History when Jimmy V's Wolfpack defeated Phi Slamma Jamma with Akeem the Dream & Clyde the Glide, and the PANDEMANIAC (just invented word) CELEBRATION afterwards was equally memorable. We should also remember Jimmy V's "never give up" attitude while later battling cancer & his establishment of the V-Foundation that along with Team Poletti is leading the fight to beat cancer.

Today HHI welcomed back Pat's Steaks who it turns out was down & out with Influenza B, Vertigo, Walking Pneumonia, and a 4th illness he couldn't remember, which of course means erectile dysfunction. He was on (8) different medicines including seven with long names that he reeled off and one he couldn't remember, which of course means Viagra.

The Captains EX-Smoker Bob & Magnum Mike then selected these squads:
* Fi Damma Hamma = Captain Big Bob, Quick Mike, DJ Jazzy Jones, Scholesinator, Bursich Burt, and Pat's Steaks
* Coyote-Crowd = Captain Mag, Iron Mike, Swoop, Bank'in Bowers, Who Killed Kenny, and Your Athletic Supporter
* 13th Man = Roving Radon Rader

Game 1 saw the favored Fi Damma Hamma taking it to the Coyote-Crowd with a balanced scoring attack and seemingly good defense - either that or poor Coyote-Crowd shooting. The result was a Coyote Ugly loss for the Coyote-Crowd and thus a win for Fi Damma Hamma.

On to Game #2 which was closer, but Fi Damma Hamma appeared to have things under enough control to capture the Daily Championship, but not so fast my friends. The well-coached (in the spirit of Jimmy V) Coyote-Crowd just hung around long enough for Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap, to win it with a deuce "at the buzzer" which set off a CELEBRATION, although not of PANDEMANIAC proportions.

That set-up the Daily Championship Game which saw Fi Damma Hamma jump to a seemingly insurmountable 9-3 lead at which point Quick was getting cocky (he also mentioned something about getting his penis shortened) and Bob had that smug little smile. But the Coyote-Crowd then remembered Jimmy V's famous words "never give up", so they began to slowly claw back in the game until they were down just 14-13. Then divine coaching wisdom came from above as the Coyote-Crowd drew up a play for their cancer-beater Swoop whose top-of-the-key deuce went down as a buzzer-beater, Fi Damma Hamma-beater, and Daily Championship-winner which set off a truly PANDEMANIAC CELEBRATION.

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) with the embarrassed Fi Damma Hamma seeking vengeance & then getting it while jumping to a 14-2 lead. Then the "never give up" Coyote-Crowd reeled off 10 straight points if you count a couple of those that Magnum stole from Quick like it was his lunch money, before Captain EX-Smoker Bob said enough is enough (via his actions, not his words) while hitting the IMF Title-winning shot for Fi Damma Hamma, although they were too disappointed for a PANDEMANIAC CELEBRATION.