BATTLE OF PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It's CHEESE STEAK Season (actually, every season is really), so HHI Hosted the BATTLE OF PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS at Grace since Commish Wojo-Mojo was hogging Da Hills. Captains Pat & Swoop picked the teams and it was fitting that it was the BATTLE OF PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS because there were (2) Subs:
* Pat's STEAKS = Captain Pat STEAKS, Stay-Puff Marsh-mellow Man, Bad Day Bales, Quick Mike, Scholesinator, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Geno Poletti's STEAKS = Captain Swoop, Iron Mike, What the Heck, Mighty Kerr, FU Frank, and EX-Smoker Bob

These teams weren't battling for The Little Brown Jug or Paul Bunyan's Axe, but rather for the Title as "The King of STEAKS" & this delicious delicacy:
Pat's STEAKS came out "hungry" in Game 1 with "turn up heat on the grill" defense and unselfish offense while Geno Poletti's STEAKS "ingredients" (i.e. players) just didn't seem to melt (or meld) together. At the end, Pat's STEAKS' Bales back-doored Heck after a switch for the 15-10 winning lay-up.

In Game #2, Geno's STEAKS disdain for each other (verbal & non-verbal) was as blatantly obvious as that toward slow-ordering customers who can't decide if they want provolone, american, or CHEESE whiz on their steak. Again Pat's STEAKS Hoopsters came together like an award-winning CHEESE STEAK & their prize was the Daily Championship label as "The King of STEAKS".

Game 3 was for Pride and Geno Poletti's STEAKS did have that as they BATTLED through their personal differences with the help of counseling for the "W". In the Iron Man Finale (IMF) it was addition by subtraction as Geno's STEAKS EX-Poletti, Iron & FU took that "Too Little, Too Late" Title.

PLAN B

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

HHI geniously had PLAN B in effect at Grace this afternoon and the Fellowship included (10) players. It's always interesting who might show up when you schedule the games at an abby-normal time and we weren't disappointed with Pistol Pete (who said his Diebolt Landscaping http://www.dieboltlandscape.com might match Reading Hospital's $2500 sponsorship for Team Poletti at next year's Relay for Life) who brought Big Guy Bob, Adam Bomb whose now a College Grad in the real world, and Hacker Bob's 1st appearance at Grace (note the rumored return of FU Frank was not to be).

Today's Captains were Radon Rader who didn't show up for church at Grace this AM & #23 Bad Day Bales who selected these virtual franchises:
* Bales-Out Call = Captain Diggetty Doug, Swoop, Sheriff Hacker Sponge Bob Square Pants, EX-Smoker Bob, and Yours Truly
* Radioactive Radons = Captain Rader, Pistol Pete, Big Guy Bob, Iron Mike, and Adam Bomb

Game 1 saw Pistol Pete hitting a very high % of shots and Adam Bombing in deuces to lead the Radioactive Radons to the win. Bales-Out Call then went to PLAN B as they switched up their defense for Game #2, but the Radioactive Radons won once again with Big Guy Bob setting massive picks to free Pistol for shots as they captured the PLAN B Daily Championship.

Game #3 was for pride and Bales-Out Call went to a PLAN B-1 as they put Swoop on Pistol and he held him to 2 points while EX-Smoker Bob went inside & out to score, but it was Bales himself who buried the game-winning deuce for Bales-Out Call.

The Relay for Lifers Swoop & Jack Strap didn't have a lot left in the tank for the Iron Man Finale (IMF), but they battled anyway only to fall short as the Radioactive Radons also won the IMF Title, although everyone knows the DC & IMF Championships aren't quite as good as the Relayers' Volleyball & Tug-Of-War Gold Medals.

RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY

By Your RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY Supporter, Jack Strap

It was the Poletti Family & Friends' (alternately known as Team Poletti) FOURTH RELAY for LIFE and after a little nap, I don't feel too bad overall considering although my head is in a bit of a fog, so if I miss a few things or misrepresent them--I know my Friends will cover for me ("Comments" at the end of this our Welcomed).

As I drove over to SVHS Friday, I wondered if it was mystically possible that the inclement weather could turn to sunshine at 6pm for the 3rd time in our FOUR (4) RELAYS. It didn't, but the weather really didn't turn out to be that negative a factor as Friday's light rain/mist turned to brilliant sunshine on Saturday.

As always, our RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE started with the Survivor's Walk as we "Celebrated" (see I was paying attention) the Survivors including my Friends 4 LIFE: Diane-dretti & Swoop Poletti. As I was a few minutes late arriving to the RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE, I called Swoop & told him to stall which he evidently was doing as he finally passed our tent to a standing ovation far far back in the pack of Survivors (& Thankfully we had a large pack of Survivors).

I then hit the RELAY track as most of the rest of our Team was enjoying their chicken bar-b-ques and then they joined me, but after a couple hours of RELAYing I hit a snag as my lower back started hurting. I really started feeling old at that point, but my Friends helped me out when instead of "mocking me" (say that like Herman Munster from My Cousin Vinny) they admitted they had similar aches & pains.

By 9pm we were "Remembering" at the Luminaria Ceremony and when the stadium lights went out it hit me once again that My Dad is gone to Cancer and when we then took that emotional lap--I saw there were just too many "In Memory Of" luminarias and remembered why we do this RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE for this Cause.

During some needed R&R in the tent, I watched Young Justin show some very impressive sales skills while peddling lighting leis & jewelry for the RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE Cause. Then we were ready to do it OUR WAY as the competition portion of the program started with the Hula Hoop Relay. Poletti F & F entered (3) Teams in this new event and doing it OUR WAY finished with the Bronze, Silver & the Gold which was won when Young Justin hit the equivalent of a 3-Pointer at the buzzer to defeat the Team I was on including Reitzy & his "Little Brother" Nate as well as Craiger who somehow managed to throw an olde time hockey hip check during the exciting final leg.

After Midnight we let it all hang out OUR WAY at the Tug-Of-War as a united Team Poletti took on (7) other teams. On the way to the Tug, out of nowhere the Winner of the Silly Hat Contest (a non-participatory event in OUR WAY) started trash-talking us that we were "going down" to Reading Hospital who we had defeated for our 2nd Tugging Title the year before. Then we saw their Team and realized they were serious having "recruited" a very bulky & well equipped (most wearing gloves) team that outweighed us at every position including their only women exceeding the combined weight of Lauren & Christine.

After an easy Round 1 win we faced Reading Hospital and they "beat us up" pretty bad forcing us into the Stink'in Loser bracket where we won tug-after-tug before finding ourselves staring at undefeated Reading Hospital & having to defeat them twice for the Tug Title. Then from the peanut gallery, Silly Hat Girl again trash-talked us but Lauren coolly retorted OUR WAY. When the whistle blew we were determined but so were they, the Tug seemed to go on forever but somehow we gutted out an OUR WAY victory led by Young Dominic in the front & Craiger "Magnum Who?" Miller as The Anchor. Our "reward" was to have to do it all again, but in a new paragraph.

By then, Olde School Team Poletti was fatigued & visibly hurting from fingers to backs to shins but OUR WAY is to try to win baby--so we did. This was truly a Tug-Of-War that at one point I really started to think was going to last painfully for hours. But then scarily I saw Lipper fall in front of me with Poletti screaming from behind me for him to "Get Up!!!" (I didn't think to yell at him as figured he knew that). And "Get Up" Lipper did & it seemed like he did so with the strength of (10) Lippers because when he then pulled we didn't stop until Reading Hospital was across the line & we had the RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY Tug Title. The next day we found out that right after Lip got up, they had FOUR (4) Tuggers simultaneously fall for our "Miracle on Grass".

From there OUR WAY consisted of Poletti Teams dominating the Crazy (& "Kinky") Coconut Relay which besides the coconut the game included pantyhose, grapefruits, and gyrating hips coming together in a way I just can't describe with words. In The Final, Dominic & Justin defeated Reitzy & I. At some point--Team Poletti also managed to win some prizes in the Walking Bingo game, but my 2nd favorite (behind the Tug of course) RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY Moment was the Silly Outfit Contest which deserves it's own paragraph.

Team Poletti doesn't usually participate in RELAY events like this but I think Reading Hospital's "Silly Hat" got our Young Schoolers revved up and they got creative in creating a Silly Outfit worn by Christine. Now I'll honestly admit Craig & I thought Christine's wacky, last-minute, make-shift get-up had no chance to win it all, but much to our surprise & delight she unanimously won 1st Prize defeating Silly Hat & some other Reading Hospitalers. It was then that I really began to think that a lot of RELAY-ers may not appreciate RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY.

So as the Competitions go that really just left the usual Main Event--Rise & Shine Volleyball where Olde School Team Poletti came in as the 3-Time Champions "of The World" vs. Young Poletti II (who we defeated for the Title in a good match last year) & (5) other teams. We got a really big lift then by the arrival of Iron Mike who had just buried his Mother yesterday & I understand Cancer was involved, and also our Ringer--Reitzy's Nephew (nice kid, nice player) rised & shined to join us with Scholesy, Poletti, Lip, Craiger & me.

I don't know if this was purposely done & if so, so be it but the Volleyball nets were set very high this year thus taking away our spiking height advantage. But it really didn't matter as if I'm being intellectually honest (and why not be), we won without any great challenges (note the Reading Hospital bulksters were nowhere to be found at the nets) for RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY. The difference as I saw it between us & everyone else was that with our very balanced team we return serve very well & nobody else could consistently do that as we won so many "free points". The most exciting matches all included Young Poletti II led by their pregnant back courter Stephanie who showed great form & intestinal OUR WAY fortitude, as they battled thru the losers bracket to face us in The Finale but had little left by then.

The final theme as I remember it from RELAY FOUR (4) LIFE OUR WAY was "Doing the Right Things" not only to battle Cancer, but now I'm thinking that with OUR WAY (or more specifically Christine's WAY) this RELAY lesson is extended beyond that, so follow me on this. I'll admit now that this AM I thought Christine's attitude "around the tent" was a little rough & a bit disrespectful to her elders. But now somehow I'm seeing it a bit differently as "Doing the Right Things" extended to the RIGHT WAY to RELAY per the "Rules" & just because most all the other teams weren't walking the track, packing up early, not helping with general clean-up, etc. didn't mean we needed to do the same no matter how tired we were as this RELAY is for so many others who endure(d) so much much more than we had at this event. In fact, that's also the real spirit of RELAY FOUR (4) & FOR LIFE OUR WAY so Thanks Christine for that extended lesson (you really can teach an old dog new tricks) & lead in making OUR WAY the RIGHT WAY.

In closing (yes, finally) I'd like to Thank all my teammates & our Poletti RELAY Captains for another memorable experience. I also ask Diane & Steve to pass on to the RELAY MC Kevin that I was really impressed & moved by the way he handled his demanding role during the whole 18 hours. As for next year, let's all commit to be #1 in Fund-Raising which would not only be RELAY FOR (FIVE) LIFE OUR WAY but the RIGHT WAY.

POTATO CRIPS VS. WHITE BLOODS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

You could tell there was no love lost between these "gangs" as they entered the Grace Gym and went right to their side of the court without even acknowledging their opponents. HHI's version of gangstas represent'in & fight'in for respect was on tap this AM as follows, Dog:
* POTATO CRIPS = What the Heck, Pat Steaks, Mighty Kerr, EX-Smoker Bob, and DJ Jazzy Jones
* WHITE BLOODS = Magnum, Swoop, Iron, Quick, Radon Rader, and Yours Truly

It was physical (and I'm not talk'in Olivia Newton John "Physical") from the start as the POTATO CRIPS opened Game 1 like they still had a chip on their shoulder, from Dan Quayle disrespect'in them when he spelled their name wrong (POTATOE), as they jumped to an early lead. But the WHITE BLOODS then said "Yo Shizzle" and started capp'in the P-CRIPS assses (yes, with 4 s's total) with long-range deuces through out ultimately including the 15-14 game-winner by RR Cool Rader.

It was evident in Game #2 that the POTATO CRIPS hate to lose as they jumped to 5-0 lead after Heck negated a WHITE BLOODS Basket by calling a foul on offense on RR Cool Rader who disputed it profusely. But no one pulled out any blades and the gangs went to settling it on the hardwood, not in the back alley. It was another down to the wire, knock down, drag out battle but at the end Pat's Steak found Mighty open in the paint & Kerr didn't disappoint his P-CRIPS brothers with the 15-14 series-tying shot.

The W-BLOODS broke their "falling behind" pattern in Game 3 as Swoop Dog hit (2) deuces early & then thought I heard him tell the POTATO CRIPS to "marinate on that". But the POTATO CRIPS weren't "chickens" (3P Chucky Boy-Poletti reference intended) and they battled back into the game. Then all hell broke loose as on a fast-break, Magnum took it to the "Johnson" & the Jones--DJ that is, who ended up on the floor. DJ accused Magnum of an elbow and uttered some un-Grace-ful expletives. Magnum loudly denied the accusation, said DJ knocked it out, and demanded the ball. DJ then decided to depart & Iron was forced to change his colors
(and everybody knows that neither a BLOOD nor a CRIP wants to change his colors, Dog). So the Game #3 fight then continued until the gangs found themselves unluckily tied at 13 -13 before Heck abruptly ended it with a long deuce for the POTATO CRIPS' Daily Championship.

But it ain't over to the WHITE BLOODS say it's over which they did after they captured the Iron Man Finale (IMF) Title which left both gangs sporting some gold bling as they hit the Grace parking lot amongst heavy security.

Now as an HHI Founding Father, I'll ask BLOOD Magnum & CRIP DJ to publicly "bury the hatchet" (No, not in each other's skulls) in the spirit of good fellowship as best taught to us by our beloved Commissioner-Emeritus Collin.

BLOOD, SHITT, AND TEARS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The Wyomissing Hills Council worried about losing HHI to the "Grace Deal", again welcomed the Hoopsters outside this year with yardsales. Commish Wojo-Mojo, please let the Council know that people selling their SHITT (purposely spelled wrong to beat the Corporate Spam-Spam-Spam-Spam filters) has never been appealing to HHI (with the exception of those 6 Kids selling lemonade that one year) and actually creates massive traffic jammage that makes it very difficult for the players "Limos" to get in/out of Da Hills.

That being said, today's Captains were Giant Lipper & Swoop back from their Fishing Trip in time to create these virtual franchises:

• Stripers (not to be confused with "Strippers") = Captain Swoop, Iron Mike, Mighty Kerr, DJ Jazzy Jones, What the Heck, and Your Athletic Supporter
• Bluefish (ironically wearing White) = Captain Lip, Scholesinator, Quick Mike, Pat Steaks, Knee Scab Phil, and Stay-Puff Marsh-mellow Man

Game 1 saw the Stripers (also fittingly known as Moron Saxatilis) playing some intense team defense that created turnovers & made it difficult for the Bluefish to get any open looks. That along with featuring Steve-Roller What the Heck as the focal point of an offense built on good ball movement led the Stripers to an easy victory. To add insult to Game 1 injury, Bluefish's Pat Steaks then sat in bird SHITT that may or may not wash off of his shorts which begs the answer "it Depends" (Nick Joke--Arh, Arh, Arh).

It was more of the same in Game #2 as the Stripers who are known for being long-lived, voracious eaters, reaching sexual maturity in about 2 years and growing to 10-12 inches (Dick Joke not intended) continued to dominate leaving their opponents muttering "one fish, two fish, red fish, Bluefish". Actually it was "one loss, two loss" for the Bluefish.

Although the Daily Championship was in hand, the Stripers didn't let up nor did the Bluefish seek any help even though they could have picked up Stiff Rich who was apparently in the neighborhood looking for bargains. But even a nasty fall by Swoop couldn't stop the Stripers, although the resulting BLOOD (but let me be clear--there were No TEARS) was loosely reminiscent of the "O.J." crime scene. And like the O.J. trial, if the glove don't fit & you lose 3 straight, you must "A Quit" so the Blue-Fish did at which point I thought I saw TEARS in Quick's eyes (but maybe it was Sweat).