JULY 1 REFERENDUM VOTE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Everybody knows about the big Wyomissing REFERENDUM VOTE on JULY 1. There's that school thing, but the most important VOTE is if HHI stays with "Hoops" or switches to "Wiffleball"? Wyomissing Protestors wanting Wiffleball stained the backboards & loosened one of the rims. Hoooo Shot JR also stopped by to lobby for Wiffleball as he has already told his Wife (& Rader) that he's not coming back for Hoops after his latest surgery. Jack Strap isn't a registered Wyomissing VOTER, but Your Athletic Supporter endorses "Hoops" as much as I have fond youthful memories of Wiffleball. So Wyomissing, VOTE "Hoops" on the JULY 1 REFERENDUM.

And Hoops it was today with (16) Hoopsters in action for a Round-Round Robin Goes Hacker Bob-Bob Bob'in Along Tournament with these virtual franchises:
* Kenny's Cluster = Captain Who Killed, Boo-ooo, Pat Steaks, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Bowers Em-Bank-ments = Captain Paul/Mike, Quick Mike, Scholesinator, and Bad Day Bales
* Hackers Crackers = Captain Sheriff Hacker Bob, What the Heck, Iron Mike, and Gary US Bonds
* Mighties Whities = Captain Kerry, EX-Smoker Bob, Swoop, and Radon Rader

Almost all the games in this 4x4x2 Tourney were close starting in Round 1 when Kenny's Cluster defeated Mighties Whities on a tough Pat Shot while Iron hit the game-winner for Hackers Crackers over Bowers Em-Bank-ments.

I haven't gotten to type this HHI Classic saying for awhile "the Stink'in Losers then switched courts for Round #2" which saw a reversal in fortune as Pat Steaks had (3) too easy shots to win it for Kenny's Cluster, but cluster-fuk'd it & then watched the Em-Bank-ments score the win at the other end to even both teams at 1-1. Elsewhere in a hard fought battle, "Tomb" Rader (see his namesake & Bales Ex-Girlfriend below) also reversed fortunes with a winning putback for Mighties Whities which also left them & Hacker's Crackers at 1-1.

On to Round 3, where Pat Steaks sizzled in a high degree of difficulty deuce for Kenny's Cluster's victory over Hackers Crackers. On the flip side in a Quick game it was Quick Mike & the Em-Bank-ments defeating Mighties Whities.

On to the Daily Championship Dream Match-up: Bowers Em-Bank-ments Vs. Kenny's Cluster (with the Richard Pryor named Crackers & Whities in the meaningless Stink'in Losers bracket). The DC was "worth the price of admission" as the teams "heated it up" until they were tied at 10, but the Em-Bank-ment Defense held back (pun intended) the Clusters & Scholesinator then hit the DC-winner for Captain Bower's squad.

CLASSIC SUMMER MATCH-UP

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Coach Bill has been Ducking me for weeks (including last Saturday when he knew I'd be in Duck, NC), but today I "called him out" for us to Captain this CLASSIC SUMMER MATCH-UP:
* Stoppable Forces = Magnum, Mighty, Swoop, Bank'in, Stay-Puff Marsh-mellow, and Captain Jack "Will Get You High Tonight" Strap
* Movable Objects = Iron, Big Boo-ooo, EX-Smoker Bob, Bad Day Bales, DJ Jazzy Jones, and Captain/Coach Bill
* 13th Man = Triple R--Roving Radon Rader

Swoop didn't hear me announce his name as a Stoppable Force, but after seeing the rest of my squad--he hugged me when he found he was on our Team. This worried me as HHI is littered with stink'in losers who supposedly had the best team on paper. At HHI, the certain is uncertain and the expected is unexpected and the impossible is possible and the cola is the uncola--you get my point. But Swoop was right in Game#1 as the Stoppable Forces Stopped the Movable Objects with "locking all windows & doors" defense which created offense & resulted in a 15-6 slobber-knocker win.

Between games, the HHIers were treated with a visit from Commissioner Emeritus Collin & Old School Bruce which is always fun. Just before game-time Swoop put The Commish in the Upside-Down Tickle Rack with Your Athletic Supporter supplying the tickles and then they were going to do the same to EX-Smoker Bob, but the "whistle blew" for Game 2. This is when CLASSIC HHI unexpectedness kicked-in on this CLASSIC SUMMER MATCH-UP as the Movable Objects turned it completely around while laying the 15-9 Smack Down on the Stoppable Forces who were certainly more Stoppable than they were Forces.

There were (2) Theories about the dichotomy of Games 1 and 2:
(1) it related to Roving Radon Rader who was 0-2
(2) it was due to the pavilion-side basket which was 0-2

Both of these theories didn't bode well for the Movable Objects who had Rader & the win-less basket in Game# 3. But it was a CLASSIC SUMMER MATCH-UP and remember what I said about certainty turning to uncertainty at HHI. Still it looked bad for the Movable Objects when they fell behind 4-1 and then lost one of their top scorers DJ who called it a day at that point. But to their credit they battled back only to later see the Stoppable Forces' Jack Strap hit a couple of deuces down-the-stretch for a seemingly insurmountable 14-10 lead.

But then Rader, desperate to avoid 0-3, scored on a put-back and next Coach entered the game and impacted with a steal & a deuce. Suddenly the impossible seemed very possible as the score was tied at 14 with the Movable Objects' EX-Smoker shooting from the short-corner. But But (the dreaded Double But) Bob's shot went half-way down & out and then at the other end Magnum made everyone forget all about his rusty shooting (which is why I mention it) with the CLASSIC SUMMER MATCH-UP Daily Championship winning shot for the Stoppable Forces.

"OFF" MEANS "BANK" IN POLISH

Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Jack Strap is Back from Berlin where at 8am last Saturday I was taking a Walking Tour of the history-making city. Of course that was 2am HHI time, so you were nuzzled all snug in your beds. But today @ 8am I was back at Da HHI Historic Hills with these (14) players split up by Captains Hoooo Shot JR & Stay-Puff Marsh-mellow Man into these "School's Out" franchises:
* JR High = Captain JR, Bad Day Bales, Mighty Kerr, Quick Mike, Scholesinator, Sheriff Hacker Bob, and Yours Truly
* Ele-Marsh-ery School = Captain Marsh, Swoop, Iron Mike, Who Killed Kenny, Bank'in Bowers, Alan "The Question" I-Vath-son, and EX-Smoker Bob

Game 1 saw JR High start with a series of turnovers which Ele-Marsh-ery School had trouble capitalizing on although they did take the lead. Ele-March-ery School, being well versed in recess, continued to hold that lead despite JR High "learning" how to get off some shots at the basket. Finally (& I mean Finally) it was 14-11 with Ele-Marsh-ery School seemingly in control, but were they? JR himself (playing against DR's orders) nailed a deuce to make it 14-13 and after yet another JR High defensive stop--JR again fired from long-range under duress for the win. But it didn't sound like a win when Hoooo Shot yelled "OFF" but as the ball Banked majestically through the net for that win, Bales pointed out that "OFF" MEANS "BANK" IN POLISH.

Since JR is soon going under the knife again, we'll give him some PR repeating what his Wife told Bales "Big Brown always delivers" although it wasn't crystal clear which Big Brown she was talking about:
ORSpeaking of the "Big Brown" Truck, JR told us that up on Skyline Drive (which is near Commish Collin's Ballers Field) he ran over (2) Chickens which again begs the question "Why did the Chicken cross the street?".

On to Game#2 which appeared to be deja-vu all over again as JR High started with turnovers, fell behind, battled back futilely, only to be on the precipice of defeat again at 14-11. But then Hoooo Shot JR nailed a deuce to again make it 14-13. JR High then recorded multiple defensive stops but neither Bales nor JR could get a deuce down and then Ele-Marsh-ery's School's Swoop won it with a put-back to tie the series. So another POLISH Miracle wasn't to be which reminds me of a POLISH Joke: Why wasn't Christ born in POLAND? Because they couldn't find (3) Wisemen and/or a Virgin.

So that just left the Daily Championship Game in the sweltering heat of Da Hills as players started departing as the Shore Bus across the street slowly (& I mean slowly) packed up. JR High lost JR early & then Quick went off looking for a bathroom for #2 as he was potty trained upon graduating from Ele-Marsh-ery School. After Quick finally (& I mean finally) returned, Hacker sped off while his opponents: EX-Smoker & Bank'in were already gone. So that just left (10) Iron Men who deserve their own paragraph.

This sweaty battle of attrition was yet another down-to-the-wire game with Ele-Marsh-ery School coming from behind this time to take a 14-13 lead on a Vath 2-ball. After JR High scored on a European style fastbreak to tie it, both teams had chances to win but it was Scholesinator converting his for JR High's Daily Championship.

Note that even after a long post-game in the "air conditioned" pavilion, the Shore Bus still hadn't taken off. Speaking of taking off, Your Athletic Supporter will be vacationing in the Outer Banks (OBX) next Saturday, so Swoop is the HHI Key Master in Charge.