HHI WEEKEND UPDATE

By Your HHI WEEKEND UPDATE Reporter, Jack Strap

Announcer: It's HHI WEEKEND UPDATE with Jack Strap & G-String
Jack: G, you ignorant misguided slut
{G-String walks off the set}
Announcer: It's HHI WEEKEND UPDATE with Jack Strap.
Jack: It was a great WEEK for HHI with the Fantastic News delivered by Susie Q. regarding Free Ride Todd's improving condition. Also HHI Founding Father "On the River" Reitzy "Beat Zeke", had his name selected, called in to win, and has a 50% chance for a trip to Hawaii. Look for Reitzy's picture wearing my PSU #12 jersey in Thursday's Weekend section. In addition this WEEK, HHI's Connor Magnum appeared on the "Wilson Bulldog Hour" TV show (I'm sure when he's an upperclassmen--he'll "shout out to HHI") and in the 'Dogs 42-0 "mercy rule" rout--the "best athlete in the family" blocked a punt & intercepted a pass that he almost took to the house (the one in Wilson of course).

Most HHI players slept in today with the exception of Kerry & Todd who missed the email noting the game time change, but they were back at 10am along with (9) other HHIers divided up as follows:
* God Todd Squad = Captain Free Ride Todd, Swoop, Quick, Floor Burn Phil, Scott from Hangover, and Your HHI WEEKEND UPDATE Reporter
* Buy US Bonds = Captain Gary US Bonds, Magnum, Iron, Mighty, and Everybody Knows Joey

The HHI WEEKEND UPDATE for Game #1 was that the God Todd Squad (GTS) worked very well together as a team like the Grace sign said "Together we can make a difference", but Captain Gary kept his Buy US Bonds squad fairly close with deuces before GTS pulled away for the 15-11 victory.

Game 2 saw the God Todd Squad having their prayers answered from long-range, mid-range (particularly Scott who proved they just don't play Walleyball in Hangover), and down low (i.e. Captain F.R. Todd) as they sent their inspirational Captain home with the Daily Championship.

Buy US Bonds showed their HHI Pride in Game #3 as they hammered the boards against the Todd-less GTS and hustled their way to the "W" (and I'm not talking George Bush). Speaking of bonds & stocks, after this game Quick told this joke which I didn't really think was funny Karen.
Quick: My 401K is worse than a divorce--not only have I lost half my money, but I still have my Wife

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) after Joey had to sit-down with ugly blisters on his feet from running around too fast and the God Todd Squad took advantage of his absence as they ran (OK, "jogged") to the IMF Title and that my friends is your HHI WEEKEND UPDATE.

LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL)

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Magnum came into Grace LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL) today after hearing a Howard Stern prank phone call where they called a Chinese Restaurant and placed a large order & then asked the China-man to read it back, which he did to another Chinese Restaurant they had on the other phone line who thought it was an order--genius. He was also LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL) last night while Wilson was mercy-ruling (& Magnum knows all about the mercy rule from his days in Leesport) Manheim Township 51-3, sparked by a Connor Magnum interception.

Today's teams were primarily selected via the shirt color method by Kenny & yours truly and here's what we came up with:
* Quick-num Mikes = Quick Mike, Magnum Mike, Boo Mike Tice, Who Killed Kenny, Mighty Kerr, and Diggetty Doug Bales
* Going to the Well-er = Floor Burn Phil Weller, EX-Smoker Bob, Bank'in Bowers, Iron Mike, Stay-Puff Marsh, and Your Athletic Supporter

Quick & Magnum (i.e. together as Quick-num, kind of like Brangelina) weren't LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL) about their team before Game 1, but that changed when Quick "cast the first stone" with a deuce and from there the Quick-num shots were raining down on Going to the Well-er like cats & dogs. When the "sun" finally came back out it was shining on the Quick-nums LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL) victory parade.

Early in Game# 2, Quick set the LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL) tone by chastising Big Bob for not having his shoes tied upon re-entering the game despite all that time sitting out. I countered that my teammate Bob had been in the bathroom, which Quick should be able to relate to, but Quick counter-pointed with "why didn't he tie them when he was sitting down peeing"--LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL). Magnum made the pivotal play of this game with a two-handed tip-in, which was the first in HHI History despite girls having played in the League (LOL). From there, the LAUGHS & good shooting continued for Quick-num until they took home the Daily Championship.

But not so fast my friends--the DC was decided, but it was far from time to go home as Going to the Well-er still had their pride for the 3rd game. This game saw the Quick-nums "going to the well" too many times in trying to out-shoot Going to the Well-ers who ended up smoking them 15-8 with some sharp shooting of their own.

So Going to the Well-er came into the Iron Man Finale (IMF), aka "The Most Important Game of the Day" (LOL) with the big "LAUGHING OUT LOUD" mo-mentum and they rode it all the way to the IMF Title, so everyone left LAUGHING OUT LOUD (LOL).

HOME & HOME SERIES

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It was supposed to be a HOME & HOME SERIES that HHI Founding Father Reitzy worked out with his Italy Buddy Jimbo. The Wisconsin Band (see photo below) was to play at Grace this AM & then next weekend--Reitzy, Swoop & Yours Truly will travel to Madison for the PSU Game. But unprecedentedly, the Wisconsin Band (the whole band) was suspended yesterday for alcohol abuse, hazing, and sexual misconduct. Our PSU Road Crew is getting Wisconsin Band T-Shirts made showing a drummer using 2 beer bottles & banging on a bare-ass co-ed, although we are against hazing.

So HHI settled for for a 4-on-4 HOME & HOME SERIES featuring these Blue & White teams:
* White Out = Magnum, Iron, Marsh-mellow Man, and Bank'in Bow-Bow-Bowers whose son Paul would never partake in such activities as part of the Pitt Band
* Blue Band = Swoop, EX-Smoker Bob, Who Killed Kenny, and Your Band Supporter, Jack Strap
* Da Rover = The Mighty Kerr

Game 1 of this HOME & HOME SERIES saw Blue Band jumping to a 4-1 lead with Big Bob coaching hard, but White Out was an intimidating sight and they came back to within 10-9 and then WO's Bowers & Iron hit back-to-back "well-timed" (quote the Magnum, nevermore) deuces to propel them to a HOME field victory.

The Blue Band had spent the evening drinking root beer, respecting the 24-hour rule, and getting a good night's sleep so they were ready for Game#2 while White Out had spent the night partying in Paternoville. Nonetheless, WO was within 10-7 when the Blue Band's Kazoo Player Jack Strap hit two (2) "well-timed" deuces in a row for a win at HOME that tied the SERIES at 1-1.

The winless Roving Mighty Kerr had something to prove in Game 3 for the Daily Championship and he started in the pre-game by nailing the flip (just like he did in 1982 photo below) and when he nails the flip the Blue Band always wins and this game was no exception as Mighty's Blue Band captured the DC.
That just left the Iron Man Finale, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention the "play of the game" in the DC when Kenny wrestled & outmuscled a rebound away from Magnum. But Magnum is a proud man and along with Marsh (who hit the "hang-time, double-pumping" shot of the day in the IMF), White Out came back strong to win the IMF Title as the HOME & HOME Series went back-and-forth all day.