THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK BRAWL

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Today at (Shit on) Pitt is the Backyard BRAWL Rivalry vs. the West Virginia Mountaineers, but HHI one-upped that this AM with THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK BRAWL. Scott the Shot was back, but without Alan "The Question" I-Vath-son's favorite SHIRT which he had "borrowed" a year or 2 ago. So that set them up as Rivalry Captains with the stipulations being that if Scott's Vagabond squad won then he would keep Vath's SHIRT forever, but if Vath's Vaders prevailed then Scott would give him THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK. So here were THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK BRAWL Starting Line-ups:
* Vagabond Pitt = Captain Scott (who is vagabondily relocating to the Pittsburgh area), Swoop, Scholesinator, Mighty, and Scott from Hangover
* W.Virginia Vath's Vaders = Captain "Call Him" Al Vath, Pat's Steaks, DJ Jazzy Jones, Sheriff Hacker Sponge Bob Squarepants, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 saw Vath's Vaders as the King of the Mountain-eers with some "sharp-dressed Vath SHIRT man" sharp-shooting that sling-shotted them to a victory over Shot's Vagabond Pitt. But the Vagabonds came back in Game #2 led by Scott the "SHIRT-Stealing" Shot's shooting, setting up THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK BRAWL Daily Championship.

The Daily Championship game was a BRAWL as the teams went at it tooth-n-nail with Vath's Vaders led by the Jedi-like long-range marksmanship of Pat's Steaks, but the Vagabonds didn't go quietly into the night or the day as they came back to make it interesting. But at the end a BRAWL-battered Jack Strap's putback in the paint was the DC-winner.

That just left THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK Iron Man Finale (IMF) as DJ "sucked it up" to not only play, but play well as did Captain Vath in W.Virginia Vath's Vaders Victory as the Force was with them even if Vath's favorite SHIRT wasn't.

MIGHTY'S MIGHTY WEEKEND

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

MIGHTY Kerr started his MIGHTY WEEKEND on Friday by taking the day off to kick-start the U.S. Economy with the purchase of a sofa & love seat. Then he scored tickets to the Big 10 Championship Game at Happy Valley after which he'll be bringing home the Land Grant Trophy and his son Joe B. Good for Thanksgiving break. Next MIGHTY was the "Ashton Kutcher" of the greatest TCFL "Punk" of all time at the expense of Chuck. But it would only be a truly MIGHTY WEEKEND if MIGHTY could win a HHI Daily Championship and that remained to be seen this AM at Grace as these MIGHTY Teams squared off:
* 13th Man MIGHTY Rover = MIGHTY Kerr
* Marsh of Dimes = Captain Marsh, Gary US Bonds, Swoop, Scholesinator, Bank'in Bowers, and Iron Mike
* Dollars & Sense = Captain Magnum, Floor Burn Phil, Quick Mike, Kid Safety, EX-Smoker Bob, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game #1 saw MIGHTY having the Sense to play for Dollars rather than Dimes, Dollars & Sense that is, and he was "picking up a lot of loose change" in the lane and depositing it into the bucket to spark his team. Then down-the-stretch Dollars & Sense Captain Magnum, knowing that the Marsh of Dimes "D" was keying on MIGHTY, called Quick's number for the game-winning deuce.

MIGHTY then switched colors for Game #2 and improved the health of all the "babies" playing for the Marsh of Dimes as his charitable donation to their cause was enough to give them their 1st win while he garnered his 2nd victory.

So it came down to the Daily Championship Game before which EX-Smoker Bob let down Dollars & Sense by leaving to go to a "Dog Show", which unlike "getting punched in the balls by Quick" isn't an HHI-approved excuse. Marsh of Dimes jumped to a nice lead, but thankfully Dollars & Sense had MIGHTY there to save the day as MIGHTY'S MIGHTY WEEKEND was capped with an HHI Daily Championship which is rare for a Rover.

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF), although by then MIGHTY was getting ready for his 'We Are!!!" "Penn State!!!" Road Trip regarding which PO-letti probably wished he had done the same as his Marsh of Dimes again lost by, as Swoop said, "snatching defeat from the jaws of victory" as Captain Magnum's fade-away gave Dollars & Sense the hard fought 15-14 IMF Title win.

BUCA/HHI/TCFL = PRICELESS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Ordering a 1/2 Pound Meatball hidden by Magnum = $4.99
Going to a BUCA Dinner in the Pope Room = $52/couple
Quick "1st impression" question to Chuck's new girlfriend Alison: "Have you guys had sex yet?" = PRICELESS

An Egg McMuffin = $2.29
Followed by HHI Basketball = $6
Quick "punching" DJ in the balls = PRICELESS

A TCFL Transaction = $2
Buying the Berks "Stink'in Loser" Breakfast = $42
Blockbuster Trade Offer from Quick that would shake the foundation of the TCFL = PRICELESS

BUCA/HHI/TCFL = PRICELESS

And so it was PRICELESS again this morning at Grace as Captains Kenny & Bank'in Bowers created these virtual franchises:
* Bank's Bailout (Not PRICELESS) = Captain Bank, Floor Burn Phil, Pat's Steaks, Magnum, Quick, and EX-Smoker Bob
* Kenny's Crisis (Not PRICELESS) = Captain Kenny, Gary US Bonds, Iron Mike, Diggetty Doug Bales, DJ Jazzy Jones, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 saw Bank's Bailout begging for a basket (& a government handout) while Kenny's said "What Crisis?" while sharp-shooting their way to a 15-11 victory that was PRICELESS.

Game #2 started with the Democrats taking power & evidently doubling the size of the Bank's basket while putting a lid on Kenny's rim. The result was a redistribution of points as Bank's created a Kenny's Crisis with an easy win that was PRICELESS or Not, depending on your party denomination.

Game 3 got ugly quickly as Quick allegedly dropped to one knee and "punched" DJ in the gonads so he had to go, which was a blow (no pun intended) to Kenny's and the resulting Crisis swept Bank's Bailout to a PRICELESS HHI Daily Championship.

Before the Iron Man Finale (IMF), Kenny's traded for Pat's Steaks who was Bank's "unconscious" leading scorer in the DC game, but Pat transformed from a fine filet mignon to dog meat (no offense to all of our dog fans out there) as Bank's collected big "Bailout" bonuses (Not PRICELESS) after winning the IMF Title.

HHI IS WORTH THE RIDE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Word of HHI has been spreading through out the land evidenced again by "Kid Safety Eric" commuting in from Baltimore to play today because HHI IS WORTH THE RIDE. Poletti coined the phrase and I quickly & shamelessly pilfered it, so I would have a "steal" in my HHI scoring line. This AM was HHI's tribute to Friday Night Lights PA High School Football Playoffs as Captains Mighty & Jack Strap represented the Muhlenberg Muhls & Wilson Bulldogs, respectively with these squads:
* Muhls = Captain Kerry, Free Ride Todd, Quick Mike, Boo Mike Tice, Iron Mike, Bank'in Bowers, and Kid Safety Eric
* Dogs = Captain Jack "Will Get You High Tonight", Magnum, Swoop, DJ Jazzy Jones, Pat's Steaks, Floor Burn Phil, and Who Killed Kenny

After watching hours of film, Captain Mighty came out in the 1st quarter with (9) Muhls in the box (i.e. stacked their defense in the lane) to take away the Dogs smash-mouth running game (i.e. points in the paint). But Captain Jack countered by opening up the offense and the Dogs went deep for 7 scores (i.e. deuces) and it looked like it could be another Dogs "mercy rule" rout, especially with the Muhls dissension with Quick dissing his Muhls "Big Men" and when Free Ride Todd was asked if he heard that he replied "I'm blind, I'm not deaf" (you have to admire his sense of humor).

But the Mighty Muhls woke up in the 2nd quarter with some razzle-dazzle offense of their own & stunned the Wilson defense by tying up the game by halftime. In the 3rd quarter, the Muhl's Kid Safety Eric (note not even Wilson "recruits" from out of state) shook off his "car lag", started hitting shots and also made the play of the game by diving after a loose ball & into the voting booths in the corner (because after all "Safety" is his middle name) while throwing a perfect "no look" pass to Captain Mighty for a lay-up as the Muhls took the lead.

But the Dogs held up those 4 fingers to signify their ownership of the 4th quarter (or maybe it signified Team Poletti's (4) Relay for Life Volleyball Championships?) and went out and took control on both the offensive & defensive ends. When the dust settled--the game was tied & heading for Overtime as HHI was clearly WORTH THE RIDE.

Before the Overtime, each team lost a key player as the Muhls Free Ride Todd & the Dogs DJ departed. The Dogs started the OT with some smash-mouth in the paint to take the lead, but the Muhls went long to comeback (just as they did in their dramatic playoff win last night). It was a crazy ending with both teams having their shots at the win but it was the Muhls Kicker Boo's extra point that was the difference for the HHI IS WORTH THE RIDE Daily Championship.

Now what this means for next week's playoff game is that the Dogs will Mercy Rule the Muhls--just kidding. Wilson has a very strong defense, but I don't believe they've seen a QB & WR's this year like Muhlenberg features in their passing game, so it should be interesting and will be WORTH THE RIDE to West Lawn.

GOOD VS. EVIL

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Today's HHI Captains were Mr. EVIL (note he quickly flunked out of his doctorate program) Radon Rader who came dressed in his EVIL Black Raiders jersey while Pat's Steaks represented GOOD in his White Kid's Football Coach shirt. They selected these squads:
* GOOD = Captain Pat, Quick Mike, Sheriff Hacker Bob, Bank'in Bowers, Scholesinator, and Your Athletic Supporter
* EVIL = Captain Rader, Gary US Bonds, EX-Smoker Bob, Iron Mike, Mighty Kerr, and Who Killed Kenny

Game #1 started with EVIL playing GOOD while GOOD was playing EVIL (this could turn into an Abbott & Costello bit) until they hit some deuces to get back into it. Down the stretch the game was tight until it was tied at 14 when GOOD's Quick won it with a lay-up, but wait--no basket as EVIL's Kenny was down with an "injury". Then GOOD's Bowers scored the game-winner, but wait--no basket as there was an EVIL foul before the shot. But GOOD persevered as Bowers hit a winning shot that not even the EVIL Big 10 officials could take away.

Things were clicking for GOOD in Game #2 as it was all GOOD while they clinched the Daily Championship with a 15-11 win and then GOOD came back in Game #3 with another GOOD performance for their 3rd straight victory.

Before the Iron Man Finale (IMF), I made like Count Da Money ("de Monet"--reference "History of the World: Part I), but we came up $20 short ($52 VS. $72) and accusations started to fly like it was the presidential election (note there were voting booths in the Grace corner). Meanwhile, EVIL proved they could be GOOD as Gary put in an extra $6 & Kenny an additional $2 to get us Grace's $60 donation.

So then I made like "Monk" and remembered Bowers had moved the money from the chair to the floor, but he had left early, so I called him and he checked his pockets & remembered that he had taken out four $5's as change for a $20 that he never put in--case solved. But by then the kharma was EVIL for GOOD and GOOD for EVIL who prevailed down the stretch for the IMF Title.