YOU NEVER KNOW

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

YOU NEVER KNOW who might Show at HHI, particularly when you change the time & venue and this 9:30am @ Da Hills was no exception. The court was wet & puddly, but Bank'in Bow-Bow-Bowers' magic brooming cleared the way for 7-on-7 action featuring:
* Hardcore Hoopsters = Mighty Kerr, X-Smoker Bob (who had to work overtime last Saturday which led to an S&P 500 rally surging 6.2% for the week), Bank'in, Alex "Prince Ali Wonderful He Ali A" Bowers, Free Ride Todd, and Your Athletic Supporter
* YOU NEVER KNOW = Rubberbandman Sean, The Amish Whopper Comic (who decided to Show after reading email that Swoop was in FL), Stone Cold Don, Six (6) Kids Chris, Backcracker Vinny (who Showed after reading about Magnum's achy breaky back), New Drew the Yardsale Broom Man (whose broom did not compare to the one used today), and Steve Roller What the Heck

Game 1 saw the Hardcore Hoopsters (H2) playing intense "D" like I haven't seen since Villanova (My Wife's 2009 March Madness Champion pick just like she called it in 1985) duked out the Dukies Thursday in the Sweet 16. What the Heck was upset that nobody on his YOU NEVER KNOW team would cut, but in fairness the court was a bit slippery. Meanwhile H2's "O" was led by Jack "the Waterboy" Strap who reminded X-Smoker of Ron Krick who played in the late 50's (when Big Bob was a Little Bob) for the old West Reading High School & scored over 3000 points. That makes Ron Krick the top high school scorer in Berks History and amongst the Top 10 all-time in PA--a list which includes Kobe Bryant, Billy Owens (who went on to play at the 'Cuse), and interestingly Joe Nastasi who is best known as the Penn State kick-holder who scored on a fake FG to beat Michigan in 1995. But I digress as Hardcore Hoopsters got the win.

Between games Coach Heck riled up his YOU NEVER KNOW squad and Stone Cold Don decided to set the tone early with his speciality, a hard foul on Free Ride Todd. But F.R. Todd responded with "that's not a foul, this is a foul" (kinda sorta like Crocodile Dundee's knife) as he dropped Stone Cold with a Flying Elbow & then hooked the leg for the 1-2-3. At that point, H2 appeared to have things under control, but YOU NEVER KNOW came back with "The Little Man" (6) Kids leading the break and the Rubberband-Rubberbandman finishing like that Spinners song said "this dude is outta sight, everything he does seems to come out right". But I digress as YOU NEVER KNOW tied the series with a victory.

So it (i.e. the Daily Championship) came down to a winner-take-all game and YOU NEVER KNOW how that will turn-out. This game saw H2's Ali A-Bowers (who got his 1st HHI career win in the Opener) playing with youthful exuberance, his Bank'in Dad like Mizzou showing how he got his name, Iron Mike making stationary "jumpers" to avoid a pratfall, X-Smoker working overtime (without pay) in the paint, and The Mighty Kerr taking the Amish Whopper to school (i.e. one of those old one-room schools) as the Hardcore Hoopsters took home the DC which YOU KNEW would happen.

I can't remember the last time HHI didn't play on a weekend and YOU NEVER KNOW, but I don't believe it will be next weekend with the time & venue TBD so stay tuned & don't miss it as YOU NEVER KNOW who will Show.

HHI MARCH MANIA 200

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

This is the 200th Report in this Blog (all of which are available in the archives) thus this AM, HHI's version of MARCH Madness was (rubba-dub) dubbed HHI MARCH MANIA 200. But many HHI Hoopsters were evidently left on the couch with rigor mortis after watching parts of 32 MARCH Madness games over the last 2 days while only moving to score their brackets. So HHI MARCH MANIA 200 wasn't exactly MARCH Madness or Hulka-MANIA for that matter, but we still had the Top 9 Seeds in action as follows:
* Morehead St. Eagles = Bank'in Bowers, Scholesinator, Iron Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Cleveland St. Vikings = Gary US Bonds, Pat Steaks, Who Killed Kenny, Mighty Kerr, and Sheriff Hacker Sponge Bob Square Pants

As Game 1 tipped off, Morehead St. was short-handed because the man who named the team: F'in Ross (former Phoenixville point guard except against Coatesville) couldn't get out of bed (no pun intended). So the Eagles came up with a Jimmy Johnson-like defensive scheme that confused Cleveland St. enough that Scholesy & Strap's run on the banks (shots), that had President Obama sitting by ready to sign another multi-billion $$$ bailout package, was enough for them to pull-off the upset which is what HHI MARCH MANIA 200 is all about.

But HHI MARCH MANIA 200 wasn't a single elimination tournament and in Game#2, Cleveland St. rebounded (& scored again & again) to "stomp a mudhole" in Morehead St. by an impressive 15-4 score as Vikings Coach Brad Childress must have made good adjustments on both offense & defense.

So now it was a single elimination, cinderella stories battle for the HHI MARCH MANIA 200 Daily "National" Championship. The Vikings of Cleveland St. appeared to have control for most of this game, but the Morehead St. Eagles kept scratching & clawing until they finally tied it late behind the shooting of Iron Mike including a key deuce. And then at the end Bow-Bow-Bowers finished nicely on the break to give Morehead St. the D"N"C as once again Swoop & DJ--the Eagles defeated the Vikings.

Quick Mike, who had arrived in time to fittingly "beg for Morehead" victory in the D"N"C, then joined their squad for the Iron Man Finale (IMF). This was a fun & entertaining game, which is what you'd expect for HHI MARCH MANIA 200, and it saw Cleveland St. take home the IMF consolation prize, although in MARCH Madness they have a shot at getting to the Sweet 16 on Sunday while all HHIers are on the couch getting rigor mortis.

Remember next Saturday, HHI can't be inside at Grace as they're re-surfacing the floor, so right now the tentative plan is to play outside at Da Hills @ 9:30am but stay tuned for a final decision next Thursday or Friday when MARCH Madness continues.

CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The HHI Tournament from the Grace Rectangular Greenhouse featured these Big East eliminated franchises:
* Shitt on Pitt = DD Bales, Bank'in Bowers, X-Smoker Bob, Who Killed Kenny, and Scholesinator
* I Think UConn = Floor Burn Phil, Iron Mike, Gary US Bonds, Sheriff Hacker Bob, and Your Athletic Supporter
* 13th Man Rover = Rookie Alex "Prince Ali Fabulous He Ali A-" Bowers

In Game 1, I Think UConn was the big engine that could as they chugged to a substantial lead before Shitt on Pitt with Ali A-Bowers got off the toilet & into the game with a great comeback although it was CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR because at the end I Think U Conn was victor-victorious.

Game 2 of the HHI Tournament found the Grace Rectangualr Greenhouse getting hot just like Shitt on Pitt who jumped to a substantial lead before I Think U Conn with Ali A-Bowers made a great comeback although it was CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR as Bank'in Bowers gave Shitt on Pitt the 15-14 win.

So with the Big East Daily Championship (DC) on the line I Think U Conn surged to a substantial lead before Shitt on Pitt with Ali A-Bowers staged a great comeback although it was CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR as Gary US Bonds' shot delivered I Think U Conn the coveted DC.

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) which of course (if you've been following the "deja vu all over again") saw Shitt On Pitt leapfrog to a substantial lead before I Think U Conn with Ali A-Bowers engineered (like Choo-Choo Charley) a great comeback although it was CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR as DD Bales (a.k.a. Doug Bailey) with his Pitt shirt made like DeJuan Blair without the asbestos in his lungs (Blair's high school Pittsburgh Schenley was closed due to asbestos) with a "point in the paint" for the IMF Title.

That left Ali A-Bowers CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR as he was winless in his debut, but utilizing the internet I found someone who was CLOSE & got the CIGAR:

SIX MORE WEEKS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Less than 5 weeks ago on Groundhog's Day, Punxsutawney Phil (not to be confused with Floor Burn Phil) saw his shadow & declared SIX MORE WEEKS of winter. But I'm here to tell you that it isn't winter out there today and furthermore it is Groinhog's Day. So this morning at sunrise, Qunxsutawney Quick's pee-pee peeked out, saw its shadow & declared SIX MORE WEEKS on HHI's Injured Reserve, but I'm here to tell you that I'm expecting he'll be back before then.

Speaking (typing) about being back, Magnum returned for Groinhog's Day as the 13th Man Rover playing for both of these teams:
* Hack-tastics = Captain Hacker Bob, Swoop, Scholesinator, What the Heck, Bank'in Bowers, and Iron Mike
* Ken-ificents = Captain Who Killed Kenny, Floor Burn Phil, Mighty Kerr, Gary Us Bonds, X-Smoker Bob, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 saw Ken-ificents jump to a 3-0 lead before Swoop hit a deuce starting a Hack-tastics run that put them in the lead which they kept until Ken-ificents finally tied it at 13. But then in a perfectly symmetrical climax (did that sound sexual?), Swoop finished it with a game-winning deuce.

Magnum roved to the Ken-ificents for Game #2 and was trying to get his money's worth by getting up as many shots as he could in the 20 minutes before he was departing for Groinhog's Day which he had "prematurely" celebrated with a pull on his 50th Birthday. Thankfully for the Ken-ificents he hit a good % as they jumped to a 7-1 lead before his departure and Captain Kenny himself took it from there as they tied the series with a 15-5 blowout (fitting on Groinhog's Day) win.

So on to Game 3 for all the mar-balls (fitting on Groinhog's Day) with Quick arriving to spectate in the latter stages when the Ken-ificents pissed it away (fitting on Groinhog's Day) as the Hack-tastics won the SIX MORE WEEKS Daily Championship (DC). After which Bank'in said to Hacker, loud enough for me to hear, that they had combined for 11 of their 15 points with Bowers scoring seven.

But that wasn't all she wrote so it isn't gonna be all I write as there was still a Double Secret Doubleheader Iron Man Finale (DSD-IMF) on tap for the capacity crowd (i.e. Quick). The entertainment value of this game went up when X-Smoker & Hacker got into a "battle rap" argument that would have made Eminem, I mean an M&M girl blush or at least turn her green with envy.From there it was less entertaining until right at the end when Captain Kenny won it with a deuce and then in the 2nd game of the IMF Doubleheader like Brittany Spears below, Oops Kenny did it again with a banker deuce for the DSD-IMF Title which has to be better than a DC since it's a longer acronym. But nobody (except possibly Quick, the M&M girl & Brittany Spears) will have to wait SIX MORE WEEKS for an HHI Title or Championship as The League returns to either Da Hills or Grace next Saturday (stay tuned via email).