MIKE STINKS, YEA-YEA, MIKE STINKS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

First a big shout out to Commish Wojo-Mojo who was hospitalized for a few days with colitis which per Wiki is a chronic digestive disease characterized by inflammation of the colon.

Second I understand that after last week's HHI games, Scott the Shot has been re-named "Scott the 10% Shot & D" as X-Smoker Bob's hand-picked team including Marsh beat Shot like he stole something, although it wasn't from Marsh. It could be worse Scott, they could have made like the J. Geils Band & sung "Scott STINKS, YEA-YEA, Scott STINKS".

I showed up at today's games at Grace with my score-book as the "Magnificent" Seven waited for Quick who had allegedly told Bails he would be there, so I called Quick who advised that he told Bails he had a finger injury but "might" be there. Anyway Quick agreed to come over as quickly (pun intended) as he could and in the mean time Jack Strap covered for him playing in flip-flops with Swoop, Iron, and Car-Marsh-mellow vs. X-Smoker, Mighty, Bails, and MIKE "Radon" Rader. This Game #1 saw Iron MIKE Not STINKING as he hit 3 straight shots to start the game & 3 more later which along with a Jack Strap deuce & 4 or 5 "jump-less rebounds" (which were my speciality before the knees went), led to a 15-8 beat-down of epic proportions.

Quick sub'd in for Game 2 and after a few "trades" it was X-Smoker Reunited (& it feels so good) with Marsh like Peaches & Herb along with Bails & MIKE Rader vs. Mighty, Iron, Swoop & Quick or MISQ (a.k.a. Miscue). My score-book reflects that Marsh scored 9 of Peaches & Herbs 15 vs. 8 from the Miscuing MISQ. It was more of the same for MISQ in Game 3 as you could have said Quick MIKE STINKS but that wouldn't be fair as his whole team STUNK while scoring only 5 points, which was matched by D.D. Bails who also had teammates who scored 10 more.

So since the teams had been switched around, the Daily Championship was going to be determined by individual Winning % thus with Marsh & Strap undefeated & therefore tied, Jack joined MISQ for the Iron Man Finale (IMF) vs. Marsh's "Peaches & Herb" squad. This game featured a Heckler named Drew with a shirt that said "Winning is Sweet, but I'm Still Hungry", which "fit well". Drew's favorite heckle was MIKE (Rader) STINKS, then I'd sing YEA-YEA, and Drew followed again with MIKE STINKS. This was funny, although it was also funny when Drew inexplicably fell off his chair.

The IMF was the best game of the day as MISQ used their 4-1/2 vs. 4 advantage while passing crisply vs. Peaches & Herb's zone and trying to tire out Marsh, although he was indefatigable (good word). So at the end with the score knotted at 13, Heckler Drew was Coaching MISQ & screaming that MIKE STINKS, so they left MIKE Rader open & he shut up the Heckler with a game-winning deuce that gave Marsh the DC.

50 & 85 ARE JUST NUMBERS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Swoop turned the Big 5-0 this week & came to Da Hills this AM determined to show that's JUST A NUMBER. But in a tribute to his old age (even if it's JUST A NUMBER), we called today's HHIers the Neanderthal Nine & categorized them as follows:

• V-Raptors = Swoop, Car-Marsh-mellow, Mighty Kerr, and Radon Rader who is turning 50 on September 1
• T-Rex = X-Smoker Bob, Quick Mike, Iron Mike, and Pat's Steaks whose Wife called during the games & told me Pat "might be" in trouble
• Rover = Bailsasaurus, the beer guzzling dinosaur with the small feet

In Game# 1, Swoop was making believers out of the "50 IS JUST A NUMBER" doubters as he got out of the gate & on the scoreboard quickly & effectively, but some said (I don't want to mention any names) he would fade in the back-stretch. In the mean time Swoop's Veloci-Raptor-mate Marsh started filling up my box score & it was looking like extinction for T-Rex especially with their Biggest T-Rex (again, don't want to mention any names) on the bench, but that's exactly when they started their comeback & it continued until they were up 14-13. Then just like that Marsh nailed a deuce for a dramatic V-Raptor "W". Leading Scorers with 7 apiece were Marsh & Swoop, so maybe 50 IS JUST A NUMBER?

Swoop & Marsh continued to score in Game# 2, but T-Rex countered with a Big 3 scoring attack led by Pat's Steaks 7 (who got hot after his wife called), Iron 4, and Quick 4 in their 15-11 series tying victory while dealing their former teammate Bailsasaurus his 2nd straight defeat.

So it came down to the Daily Championship (DC) Game & right on cue Commish Wojo-Mojo & #1 Fan Sandy showed up. Wojo noted that HHI's Neighbor, the Wyomissing Hills Pool was just about bankrupt & was hoping for an Obama Bailout. Equally interesting, #1 Fan Sandy informed us that he's 85, but it's JUST A NUMBER JUST like Swoop's 50. After the DC, he also told Iron & I that he had his appendix taken out when he was only 5 (i.e. 80 years ago) and they didn't put him under--those old Shamokin guys are Neanderthol.

Anyway back to the DC, this was another close game because I once again picked good teams. Swoop continued to score like he was 49, but X-Smoker Bob (whose Scoring NUMBER was a lonely 1 thru the 1st 2 games) countered impressively. This stellar play must have reminded #1 Fan Sandy of those great Celtic teams because he blurted out that they have always been his favorite team. Since he also likes the Patriots, too bad World B. Frito Ski (my latest Facebook Friend) wasn't around for them to bond. Anyway, the score was tied at 13-13 Mockingbird Lane (home of the Munsters) when Quick Mike abruptly won the DC for T-Rex (+ Bails) with a deuce & got so excited that he left without his Swiss Army Watch.

For the day, Swoop proved that 50 IS JUST A NUMBER (atleast until Rader turns 50) by leading all scorers with 18 which was 46% of the V-Raptors Total & 4 more points than the youngest guy (no names) on the Hills Hoops (HH) court. #1 Fan Sandy also proved that 85 IS JUST A NUMBER when he declined a ride & cane'd it down to his house where he lives with his single daughter who I think he's trying to fix up with Bailsasaurus.

But even if 50 IS JUST A NUMBER, it still invites gifts (i.e. abuse) from friends:
Swoop --- Happy 50th Birthday : My gift to you should arrive in the
mail sometime today. It is a Gift Card for the SRBA School of Hoops
--.....It entitles you to 2 hoops sessions with your mentor Stiff Rich
himself. I specifically requested :
1. The 1 hour left handed dribbling lesson coupled with
2. the 1 hour moving/slashing/driving to the left lesson
Once you master these lessons your game will be more complete.
Personally, I would then foresee you as a Top 3 draft pick on any given
Saturday....
ENJOY, Best wishes == Coach

MILLERS 3P INVASION

By Your 3P Supporter, Jack Strap

You've heard of the British Invasion, but yesterday the 3P (Poletti Pool Party) experienced the MILLERS INVASION. First to arrive at the 3P was Craiger MILLER with Laura & Connor who showed off some impressive jellyfish bites that he didn't get from the Poletti Pool. Then there was Brother Dave MILLER with Theresa and their volleyball stars of tomorrow (& current horseback riding phenoms)--Kristen & Lauren. All the way from Illinois, there was Jay & Merry MILLER whose Twins (nothing like the Twins in the HHI Story below) really liked the pool & did well on the volleyball court. And finally those 3P mainstays--Glenn & Karen MILLER with Brittany & her friend "Jump'in" James "Flash".

Although the MILLERS had 3P quantity, the quality of the 3P comes from the Hostest with the Mostest, Diane-dretti Poletti & the Killer Non-MILLER Griller, Steve "Swoop" PO-letti who are willing to open up their palatial estate for the 3P to almost anybody (hence the MILLERS INVASION). Steve had the best 3P line which was actually weeks before the 3P when he was having trouble getting responses from some 3P Invitees: "it's not like I'm asking them to come over to clean out my septic tank". But I do ask that you watch closely for your upcoming Poletti Septic Tank Clean Out (PSPCO) invites and respond quickly & affirmatively, although don't expect a MILLERS INVASION for that extravaganza.

So this year's 3P had all usual elements needed for a successful Polletti Pool Party. There were the Poletti's, although my Team Poletti Relay for Life (RfL) teammates Lauren "The Pummeler" Poletti (nickname reference in February 24, 2007 Stanley Cup of Poker story in this BLOG's archives) & "Kick Save" Christine Poletti (nickname reference in 12/31/2006 Rewriting Olde Time Hockey History" story in this BLOG's archives) were away "selling seashells down by the seashore" or whatever it is the younger generation does at the beach these days. If I was to see any beach stories on facebook, I would certainly hold them in the strictest "facebook friends" confidence. Speaking of facebook friends, my young RfL teammate Dominic Viola quickly accepted my friend request as did 3P'ers Sue Reitz as one of my 1st friends & Brooke "Knows Best" Reitz who is my latest facebook friend. So what was I talking about before that tangent? Oh yea, 3P critical success factors (csf's) which I'll regroup on with a new paragraph.

So the 3P had the Poletti's (the ones nearing 50 anyway) and we also had the Pool which many young & old alike enjoyed on a hot day. Then there's the Party part, which its success was driven by a number of elements (does this sound like a Party 101 lecture? Pay attention as there could be a quiz at the end) including the camaraderie. 3P camaraderie is enhanced by the several areas carefully party planned for sub-groups to participate in conversations--some meaningful (primarily the women, although did overhear them talking about Jon "&" Kate Plus 8) & some meaningless (vast majority of "guy talk"). During the hottest period of the party I observed that the women had totally commandeered the shade patio area, leaving their men sweating under the hot Les Portes sun. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.

The Party part also included an almost infinite volume & variety of foods (to what one stomach can handle including Bails). There was Swoop on the Grill-Master 5000 producing mass "Conehead" quantities of cheeseburgers & hot dogs like an assembly line with the help of "Got It Right" Reitzy. Those made up the main courses along with pulled pork sandwiches & Karen MILLER'S crock-pot meatballs. There were many tasty appetizers (my fav--those dipping pretzels) & side dishes including a couple cutely labeled by my Britty. And the desserts would have made for a good Food Network show including the "Surprise Big 5-0" cake for Stevie P. There were also Washers that many enjoyed tossing with the tag-teams of Quick & Iron and Swoop & Magnum named the 2009 3P Co-Champions.

But my perennial favorite is the Poletti Pool Party Invitational Volleyball Tournament (3PIVT) which a couple of bad knees wasn't going to keep me away from this year. We had our largest teams ever (i.e. 9 vs. 9), including a MILLERS INVASION of players, as follows:

• Host Team = Swoop Poletti, Your 3P Supporter MILLER, Britty MILLER, Jay-Bird MILLER, Quick, Cool E, Amanda White, "Not So Little" Steven Scholes, "Jump'in" James "Flash", and the incomparable D.D. Bails
• Designated Losers = Magnum, Brother Dave MILLER, Haley & Carly MILLERS, Craiger MILLER, Jenn White, Iron Mike, Mighty Monica (note Mighty Kerr decided to sit out this year's 3PIVT), and Scholesinator

Now remember until last year, Swoop had never lost his own 3PIVT Championship (reference the Bails-Beer-Mr. Mom Incident documented in this BLOG's archives from 8/9/08). We thought the outcome of last year's "Incident" would be that Bails & Quick would be scratched off the 3P Invite list, but in a stroke of "if you can't beat'em, join'em" genius, instead Poletti drafted them on his Host Team. PO-letti also brought in his old PSU Roommate Wojo-Mojo (with his Wife Alexa, the original Cleveland Cavalieri, way before Lebron) as 3PIVT Commissioner to make any partisan rulings necessary to restore the 3P Volleyball Universe to its proper state (if you know what I mean). Furthermore this 2009 Host Team was determined (we had 2-a-day practices for the last month) to bring Steve back his 3P World Title.

But in Game #1 everything was going wrong for the Host Team & right for the Designated Losers as they jumped to a big lead with Magnum's mouth running as fast as Track Star Usain Bolt (the best thing Magnum was called by the Host Teamers was "Sassy" by Britty MILLER). But the Host Team finally got their act together & made a great comeback to tie up the score late. But (the really dreaded triple "But") the Host Team got distracted by the motorcycle entrance of another Track Star Connor Magnum who the stink'in losing team thought they could draft & the Host Team knew his play could shut-up Magnum Magnum. Then while they were distracted figuring out what to do, they ended up losing this 1st game of the Best of 3 Series to the Designated Losers.

Then to add insult to Host Team injury, it turned out that after Connor Magnum transferred to Wilson for academics, SVHS had obtained a PIAA ruling precluding Connor Mags from playing any sports games in Leesport which would include the largest sporting event of the year: The 3PIVT. Another Host Team problem was that as Game 2 was about to begin & Bails was in the bathroom throwing up under the weight of massive 3PIVT pressure to win. So the Host Team looked around desperately for another player and of course they saw a MILLER because the MILLERS INVASION was ubiquitous & omnipresent. That MILLER was Jay MILLER all the way from the Illini State.

Jay MILLER sparked the Host Team in Game 2 with a good overhead serve & they jumped to an early lead, then only looked back once or twice in tying up the series in fine fashion. I would also be remiss if I didn't point out that Quick's constant badgering of his Host Teammates was a motivating factor as you want to hit a good shot just to shut him up and of course we also had The Host's dangerous Cobra Serve to garner us points in this big win.

So it all came down to the 3PIVT Championship Game #3 which saw Steven Scholes (who played well in Game 2) having to depart with the 3P's MJ--Mary Jo. This allowed us to put Bails back into the Host Team line-up and he was playing it loose at this point as the game out watching did him good & gave him time to down a few beers. Last year you might remember that he innovatively brought the 3PIVT the "Blutto/Olga Serve" & this year it was the "Hock-a-Luggi Serve" that nobody wanted to return. Game #3 saw some long & exciting volleys as both teams elevated (spiking pun intended) their games, but at the end it all thankfully turned out A-OK with the Host Team's 3PIVT Championship.

So that just left hours of 3P chill'in out, maxing, and relaxing ala the Fresh Prince of Bel Air before the final 3Pers departed including Britty (who then told me not to take fashion advise from Bails--what's wrong with the unbuttoned PSU Hawaiian shirt look?) & James who were utilizing the pool & hot tub, "The White Family" (& hear me saying this like the Host of the Family Feud)--Iron Mike, Pure Carbon Corinne, and Amanda & Jenn White!!!!, Scholesinator (who has an upcoming camping/hiking expedition in Canada, eh), and Your 3P Supporter who was really tired & achy but didn't want to miss anything.

So I know I speak/write/type for all the 3Pers, especially the MILLERS INVASION, when I convey our Thanks for yet another fab-tastic 3P!!!

BLOWOUT SPECIALS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

I was lounging on my couch free from knees pain, ex the occasional twinge, when Commission Wojo-Mojo called on the "bat phone", reminded me I'm still under HHI contract (a 30 year deal that I'm 17 years into), and dispatched me to Da Hills to cover this AM's games. I do have to commend the Commish for the courts' paint job including the "HH" for Hills Hoops. Things haven't changed since I've been on I/R as they couldn't get the games going because nobody wanted to be a Captain, so I picked the Teams as follows:

• Jon & Kate's Sixtuplets = What the Heck, Quick, Swoop, Gary US Bonds, Mighty Kerr, and D.D. Bails who isn't pregnant with sixtuplets
• Twins = X-Smoker Bob (Schwarzenegger), Hacker Bob (DeVito), Magnum, Car-Marsh-mellow, Radon Rader, and Iron Mike
• Lucky 13th Rover = Kenny who is planning to move from Da Hills to Reinholds

In Game 1, Twins took advantage of bad parenting by Jon & Kate, as well as the legendary "Hacker-Smoker Twins Connection" who combined for 3 deuces & 9 points total in their 15-6 BLOWOUT SPECIAL win. After the game, I interviewed myself & said "I picked that Team".

Game #2 saw the Sixtuplets ditching their parents & shutting down the Hacker-Smoker Twins Connection while scoring on 5 deuces (2 by Swoop) & 5 other baskets in their 15-5 BLOWOUT SPECIAL win. After the game, I interviewed myself & said "I picked that Team".

The Roving Kenny was undefeated heading into Game 3 & thus was guaranteed at least a share of the coveted Daily Championship. He appeared to want the DC for himself as he scored half the Twins points, but unfortunately the Twins only totaled six & lost Hacker Bob to a dislocated finger adding injury to insult. Meanwhile Quick finally got untracked with 3 deuces in leading the Sixtuplets to the DC in another BLOWOUT SPECIAL. After the DC, I interviewed myself & said "I picked that Team".

The Iron Man Finale (IMF) got more interesting for me when #1 Fan Sandy & Connor Magnum showed up, thus we had 3 generations at the Scorers table. Connor was already having a good week becoming "facebook friends" with yours truly (a.k.a. Uncle Glenn), but he got a bonus with Grand Pappy Sandy spinning tales including being back stage for a 1977 Doobie Brothers (fitting considering our team names) concert. Note that Sandy shielded us by ducking my questions regarding how the band got its name, drugs, and groupies.

Anyway there was IMF basketball (or the closest thing they all could muster) and as you might have guessed, it was yet another 15-6 BLOWOUT SPECIAL as "Marsh Gone Wild" exploded for 9 points despite missing a couple of easy layups as Twins captured the IMF Title. Of course I interviewed myself after the IMF & said "I picked that Team".

The Totals for the day were Sixtuplets 42 Twins 41, which was ironic considering all the BLOWOUT SPECIALS. Also interestingly (to me anyway) it was Deuces 42 Non-Deuces 41. Marsh (who was held to only 2 points/game in the 1st 3) was the day's leading scorer with 15, followed by Gary's 11, and Quick & X-Smoker each scored 8 points.

It should be noted that afterwards, DD Bails did his "good deed for the day" (so don't expect any at 3P) by driving the cane-wielding #1 Fan down Valley Road to his home.