HHI CLUE

By Your Board Game Supporter, Jack Strap

Many around the world who were good got the hottest new board game from Santa for Christmas, HHI CLUE. Since all the HHIers were very bad, you'll just have to settle for an excerpt below from Your Board Game Supporter of this detective game which requires keen observation skills. Here's how the HHI CLUE game is played--I observed Little Miss Mini-Gary wearing Magnum's glasses on the sideline (she told me she could see rainbows with them on--how cute is that), then I came in the game for Magnum, next thing I know is Little Miss' nose is bleeding, and Magnum is wearing his glasses. So for HHI CLUE, a winning accusation would be "Magnum on the Sideline with the Elbow".

So now you be the detective as here are some HHI CLUES from today's game & see if you can guess who won the Daily Championship & Iron Man Finale (IMF) Title:
* Gary US Bonds & Radon Rader were the Captains
* Gary picked Quick, DJ Jazzy, "The Question" I-Vath-son, DD Bales, Swoop, and Scott the Shot (who got some flashy sneakers made in China for Christmas rather than the All-American HHI CLUE)
* Rader picked Magnum, Heck, Mighty, Iron, Scholesy, and Yours Truly
* Colonel Mustard was never in the Grace Room with Miss Scarlet or Professor Plum noting that you have to consider everything in HHI CLUE including that Colonel Mustard could be a switch-hitter
* DJ was spotted numerous times open on the Court with Deuces that were as effective as lead pipes
* As we left, Your Board Game Supporter found a bloody glove that could have been O.J.'s

OK, I've already given you too many HHI CLUES, so now it's up to you to make the winning accusation & also to have a Happy New Year!

THE STRAPPIES

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

From the snowy peaks of Shiloh Hills, I bring to you the Jack Strap Awards--THE STRAPPIES for HHI-related Sports Entertainment:

College Football
THE STRAPPY goes to HHI's (once HHI, then HHI For Life) Brett "Follow the Bouncing Ball" Gaul who as a Senior DB (& blocker of punts) led Albright to one of their best years ever, and he shares THE STRAPPY with Steve-Roller What the Heck who recruited him to the Lions without any violations.

High School Football
This STRAPPY known as the "Bobby Boucher Award" is presented to HHI's Connor Magnum who led the perennially successful Wilson Bulldogs in tackling--from the Safety position which is most impressive.

Best Theme Party
THE STRAPPY will be earned today in Magnum's Gym where his Family Party will feature suicide runs, push-ups, and sit-ups followed by Full-Contact Anything Goes "Basketball". Nothing says Christmas like a flying elbow to the solar plexus.

Golf
HHI Hall of Famer Old School Bruce wins THE STRAPPY with another great Tournament hosting job to the benefit of the Relay for Life.

Baseball
No STRAPPY awarded as my Strike against baseball continues since their Strike in 1994.

Hockey
Christine Poletti (our Facebook Friendship is pending) who was a goalie at our last Olde Time Hockey game & played the same position this past year for Lebanon Valley College's Field Hockey team who made it to the NCAA's Elite 8 is the recipient of THE STRAPPY.

HHI Basketball
Only HHIers who braved the snow this AM are eligible for STRAPPIES & they are as follows:

• "Aesop's Latest Splinter in the Foot Story" STRAPPY goes to Swoop who had to fly home to PA to get it removed because the FL "doctors" couldn't do so. Swoop stopped by HHI to show us his spike which is as good as a Dr's excuse for missing basketball.
• "Humanitarian" STRAPPY goes to Lipper who came to Grace today to amuse Gary's mini-daughter & make a donation to the Cancer Fund.
• "Best Daddy" STRAPPY goes to Gary US Bonds who promised his daughter he'd play in the snow with her while DJ plans to tell his daughters to ask their Mom to go out with them.
• "No Chance of Sex" STRAPPY goes to DJ after his wife finds out about his "no snow for him" plan.
• "Welcome Back" STRAPPY goes to Ian Rocks who has been playing regularly after being gone from HHI for a long-time.
  
• "Never Left" STRAPPY goes to The Mighty Kerr who has been playing HHI regularly for the past 17 years.
  
• "Duh" STRAPPY goes to Yours Truly for calling Iron this AM to see if he was coming with Grace key, this after hearing his wife's 'Iron is Survivorman' snow stories at the 3P.
  
• "Grace Key Master" STRAPPY goes to Iron Mike although traveling from the greatest distance, Iron was there well before me this AM.
  
• "Daily Championship Deuce" STRAPPY goes to Quick to win it for his team also including Your Athletic Supporter, Ian Rocks & Bales.
• "Messing with Mini-Gary" STRAPPY goes to Bales who was persuading her to bring all her Christmas toys to Grace next Saturday & distribute them to all the HHIers. Honorable Mention to Jack Strap for asking her if she was good this year & when she said she was good one day, he replied "anybody can be good for one day, even Bales".

So that's it for THE STRAPPIES and I sincerely wish all of you a Holly Jolly & Merry Christmas, and then we're hoping for a huge HHI turnout on 12/26.

TODD FUND & COMEBACKS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Before we get to the basketball (or reasonable facsimile thereof), Hills Hoops Inc. wants to announce that their HHI Foundation is establishing the TODD FUND. As you all know, HHI's Free Ride TODD Painton has been battling cancer for the last 2 years (see http://www.paintonfamilyfund.com/), and this is a chance for all of us to help him & his family. For the next weeks in addition to your $6 Grace fee, any extra money you can afford to contribute will go to our TODD FUND which will then be donated to the Painton Family Fund. Also anyone who can't make it to Hoops in the next weeks, but wants to contribute can send your donations to Quick or me & we'll put them into the TODD FUND. Thank you in advance.

Although HHI is most looking forward to the COMEBACKS of TODD & Lipper, today featured the COMEBACKS of Magnum & Scholesinator who have been on extended leave & injured reserve. Teams Organizer (the real "T.O.") Gary US Bonds thinking they were rusty put them on the same team:

• Rust Never Sleeps (RNS) = Scholesy, Magnum, Quick, What the Heck, Iron, Mighty, and Your Athletic Supporter Vs.
  
• Phat Not Fat = DJ Jazzy Jones (who was dubbed Fat on Facebook, but some would is say he's Phat*), Ian Rocks, X-Smoker Bob, Alan "The Question" I-Vath-son, D.D. Bales, Radon Rader, and Gary US Bonds

* the Urban Dictionary says "Phat" is "Cool", but also notes "the problem with Phat is that it is no longer in really. It has kind of phased out and is mostly used by wannabes."

Game #1 saw Phat jump to an early lead behind Ian who was Rock'in in the Free World (which for those that don't know is by Neil Young as is Rust Never Sleeps) & they held it all the way to a 15-11 win. But Hey-Hey, My-My Rust Never Sleeps will never die as their dramatic COMEBACK in Game 2 gave them the must-win to tie the series.

Game #3 saw Gary's cute little daughter "Mini-Bonds" trying to distract Rust Never Sleeps (RNS) by knocking down the partition, turning off the lights, bouncing on the "tomato" ball, and chatting it up. But they were pretty focused in this very tight game that looked like it could go either way until Iron Mike hit the game-winner for RNS' Daily Championship.

There was a max exodus (Phat DJ, X-Smoker, Rader & Scholesy) before the Iron Man Finale (IMF) as "Mini-Bonds" had invited everyone to the New Adventures of Old Kaely's Birthday Party at 2pm. The remaining players appeared in a hurry for the party too, especially RNS who raced to the IMF Title because although Rust Never Sleeps, they do need time for a pre-Kaely's Party Nap.

TOP 3 SPORTING EVENTS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The TOP 3 SPORTING EVENTS (too difficult to prioritize them so sorted by time) of this weekend are clearly:

• Boxing/MMA @ Sovereign Center or the so called Pain on Penn Street 2
  
• HHI Basketball @ Grace or the so called Old Guys on Old Lancaster Pike 50+
• Florida vs. Alabame @ the Georgia Dome or the so called Road to the BCS Championship Game 2010
  

Lipper, Scholesy, Iron Mike & I were part of the sparsely diverse crowd at "The Sov" last night. This event was a 1st for me so didn't know what to expect, but I thought the Mixed Martial Arts fights would be the most exciting. As it turned out there were moments of great excitement in those bouts, but invariably one guy would take down the other & then would just stay on top of him for most of the round. Now I don't want to offend any of your HHIers who are also MMAers, but this "mounting move" seemed gay-ish to me--not that there's anything wrong with that, but think it's best kept in the privacy of your own ring. More advise to MMA, don't call your submission move a "rear naked choke".

I think the Boxing stole the show even though there were 2 MMA fights for every boxing match. The most entertaining match of the night was Reading's Craig "CT" Tomlinson (who was making a comeback to the ring at 43) vs. the bizarrely animated
Willy "Mr. P" Palms. Mr. P seemingly said "I pity the fool" when he knocked CT down as he constantly played to/irritated the crowd, but the Reading crowd favorite came back to score a decision. Speaking of scoring, boxing has a bad reputation for that which they didn't dispel when one bout was scored a draw despite the fact that the Reading guy was clearly out-punched. We were also part of the Kermit Cintron's entourage/possy as his brother Jason won a tough decision.

So that brings us to HHI this AM with a Lucky 13 in action divided by Captains Swoop & Yours Truly as follows:
* Rhoids Hemors = Swoop, What the Heck (back from Coaching Kutztown U), Mighty Kerr, DJ Jazzy Jones, D.D. Bales, and Ian Rocks
* Say Hi to my Knees = Jack Strap, X-Smoker Bob, Iron Mike, Quick Mike, Radon Rader, and Alan "The Question"I-Vath-son
* Rover = Gary US Bonds

Heck evidently had the key to the Grace gym to practice during the football season as in Game #1 he hit a TOP 3 deuces and then added one for good luck in Rhoids Hemors win. Game 2 was hotly contested as the squads battled until it was tied at 14 when Iron Mike (who calls all his fouls & is a man of integrity) said he was hacked driving to the hole for the game-winner, but play was allowed to continue & the Rhoids Hemors won the Daily Championship at the other end noting uncalled fouls are HHI's unscrupulous boxing judges. Say Hi to my Knees later got some measure of revenge by capturing the coveted Iron Man Finale (IMF) Title. The post-game featured another party set-up for Grace after which we were offered a Brunch after Basketball at a TBD future date.

As for the TOP 3 SPORTING EVENTS, that just leaves that College Football #1 vs. #2 game which as I realize now really pales in comparison to the TOP SPORTING EVENTS above, so I'll leave it to all of you to watch that yourselves.