A GAME OF RUNS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

You saw the war of words in the press this week and I quote (i.e. cut & paste) Bales regarding Magnum "Rumor has it that a former badboy, musclehead, Hills Hoopster was banned from the league because of testing positive for steroids. He thinks he is now a famous fitness Guru in magazines and waiting for his own TV Show. I say he is a musclebound Beach Bum and Male Ho or maybe he was seeing Tiger Woods for the past year. Will Magnum ever return to the courts?". Magnum on the other hand took the high road (I know, I was surprised too) & just said he'd be there Saturday. So on Saturday at a little past 8am, my cell rings & it's Magnum who tells me he's running late. I ask him "Are you scared?" & he admits "yes, that's why I'm late, I was in the bathroom" as he had the RUNS, but as everyone knows basketball is A GAME OF RUNS.

When Magnum arrived him & Bales squared off to select these squads:

• Muscleheads: Magnum, Scholesinator, Iron Mike, Quick Mike, Radon Rader, and Your Athletic Supporter
• Guts of Steel = Bales, Gary Us Bonds, X-Smoker Bob, Mighty Kerr, DJ Jazzy Jones, and Pistol Pete

As I said earlier, basketball is A GAME OF RUNS and to start Game #1 Magnum showed that his PAP-SMEAR training (see Feb. 7 story in this very BLOG) is paying off as he scored 5 to "lift" his Muscleheads to a 6-1 lead before Bales played the oldest trick in the book--he changed the ball. And after that, it was all Guts of Steel who went on an epic RUN to an easy victory.

The GAME OF RUNS continued for Guts of Steel in Game 2 as Pistol Pete was particularly hot, but all contributed to the beat-down as you need Guts to get Glory which they got by winning the Daily Championship. The RUNS persisted in Game #3 as once again Guts couldn't miss (much) as they won going away with DJ adding insult to injury by hitting the game-winning deuce a few steps in from half-court.

That just left the Iron Man Finale (IMF) after Rader left the Muscleheads, but evidently it was addition by subtraction as the M-heads proceeded to lay the smack down on Bales & left his Guts splattered all over Manhattan (err Shillington) as he who has the RUN last, RUNS best.

HOOPS-OSCOPY

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Listening to the Lipper, I got a Colon-OSCOPY this week & thankfully everything came out (& I'm not talking about the day before) fine. If you haven't scheduled your Colon-OSCOPY yet, please don't delay as it could save your life. HHI had a HOOPS-OSCOPY scheduled for this AM & the 10 "patients" there for "treatment" were divided as follows:

• Quick's Halals Burgers* = Captain Quick, Radon Rader, Scholesinator, Gary US Bonds, and Iron Mike
• DJ Spooky** = Captain DJ, Swoop, Mighty Kerr, D.D. Bales, and Your Athletic Supporter
  

* Quick's, one of the biggest fast food chains in France, has provoked uproar by only selling Halal Burgers. Quick's 362 stores only offer Muslim-friendly products which contain no pork and are prepared according to ancient Islamic tradition. The ruling UMP party, wants a boycott of Quick and has called for a "freedom of menu choice" while one mayor called it "discrimination".

** DJ Spookyʼs new album "The Secret Song" is a groundbreaking meditation on hip hop and electronic musics relationship to philosophy, economics, and the science of sound in a world where the steady drumbeat of the financial meltdown has made music the last refuge of young people with less and less time and money.

The last refuge for old guys with less and less skills and baskets is HHI as was best evidenced in Game# 1 by the DJ Spooky squad who played and shot poorly while going down in defeat. But in Game 2, Spooky's Bales showed them the way with the D.D. standing for Defense! Defense! as the boycott of Quick included jamming his "muslim" thumb and tying up the HOOPS-OSCOPY series. But for the Daily Championship Game, Quick yelled Halal! Halah! & his Team played like Burger Kings as they "had it their way" in winning the HOOPS-OSCOPY D.C.

After Quick & Rader decided to rest on their D.C. laurels & depart, the Iron Man Finale (IMF) ensued & reminded some (i.e. the delusional) of the NBA All Star Game with some crowd-pleasing plays, except that the crowd was waiting to set-up for yet another Grace Party. So we finished up the HOOPS-OSCOPY and helped them get all the tables/chairs in place being the good samaritans that we are.

GOOD HAIR DAY

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Diggetty Doug Bails was having a GOOD HAIR DAY so he was named an HHI Captain this AM along with the Mighty Kerr & they split up an even dozen including Swoop who was stuck in PA after HHI cranked back-to-back storms out of their new weather machine. The resulting virtual franchises:
* SuperCuts = Captain Bails, X-Smoker Bob, DJ Jazzy Jones, Gary US Bonds, Radon Rader, and Swoop
* MightyCuts = Captain Kerry, Ian Rocks, Scholesinator, Iron Mike, Quick Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 was "high & tight" through out, but at the very end DJ's hustling save under his own basket turned into a "perfect" fast-break outlet pass to Scholesy who won it at the opposite end for MightyCuts. But SuperCuts isn't the #1 ranked HAIR Care franchise for nothing as DJ more than redeemed himself in Game #2 with some stylish play as they laid a "mullet" down upon MightyCuts heads to tie the series.

So it came down to the Daily Championship Game where Quick came out with a "comb over" to spark his team early, but Rader responded with a "ducktail" decoy cut. Although at the HAIR Salon a "Bob" is a short cut for the liberated woman, in this league it's an "X-Smoker" who was playing "Hot Potato" with Little Miss Cassy & yours truly when his brother-in-law DJ put in the 15-14 DC-winner for SuperCuts.

For the Iron Man Finale (IMF), "GOOD HAIR DAY" Bales made the gutsy move to "bench" his two big men and his small line-up "forced" (or was it "watched") a plethora (word of the day) of MightyCuts turnovers while also taking home the IMF Title to "cap" the GOOD HAIR DAY.

HHI SUPER SUCK-LESS SUNDAY

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Atleast (11) heard the HHI Radio announcement yesterday "HHI--29 hour delay--no morning kindergarten". Maybe not as many heard this commercial for Premier Athlete Performance--So Magnum Endorses Athletic Regression (PAP--SMEAR):
Magnum: I’ve been coming to PAP--SMEAR for over a year now… my vertical has gone from a credit card to a pizza slice… that’s a vast improvement, I should be dunking sometime soon! My stamina has gone from walking the court to a slow jog between the 3 point lines …just call me Coach. My eye hand coordination has gone from painfully slow to just slow, and core strength has increased to the point where I can thrust..…well just ask Quick Mike. I play in the HHI Professional Basketball League--solid skills, strength and stamina are essential as the competition is fierce, and the work I do at PAP has propelled me to be a dominating force within the league!

Luckily for the (11) HHIers in action, Magnum wasn't there today to dominate or be delusional, but Captains Lipper & Jack Strap still found players to draft on this SUPER SUNDAY:

• Colts = Captain Lip, D.D. Bales, DJ Jazzy Jones, Gary US Bonds, and Mighty Kerr
• Saints = Captain Jack, Swoop, Quick Mike, Iron Mike, and Radon Rader
• But then in a rare HHI draft day trade, Rader (& a player to be named later--let's call him "Magnum") who only had a Colts jersey was shipped to the Colts by the Saints for The Mighty Kerr
• 11th Man Rover = Coach Bill

The 1st HHI SUPER SUNDAY Quarter saw the Colts hammering the boards (especially Lipper) & scrapping to get almost every loose ball as they made their own breaks in proving they were in it to win it as they did.

Quarter #2 saw the Saints come marching back as Quick played like a man whose been going to PAP--SMEAR as he dominated at both ends in leading the Saints back to a halftime tie. I would be remiss (definition: negligent in the performance of work; e.g. Swoop missed the open fast-break lay-up, got the ball back & remissed it, and next he's skipping work for Florida) if I didn't mention that Roving Coach was undefeated at the half.

After The Who performed with Mighty doing Pete Jumps & Cassie knocking stuff over at the conclusion of the concert, the Saints came out for #3 with a new mantra courtesy of Quick "SUCK-LESS". "SUCK-LESS" took a little bit of time to kick-in, but when it did the Saints came back to tie it at 14-14 before Iron Mike broke it as he made like Drew Brees & threw one in for a score.

The Roving Coach then joined the winning Saints for the 4th & proceeded to show the long-baller DJ that he could light it up too, hitting 3 deuces on DJ as they opened up the lead. Then Mighty took over as he proved to be the best Saints trade since Drew Brees in leading the Saints to an HHI SUPER SUCK-LESS SUNDAY Championship.