LONGEST WINNING STREAK

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

As widely reported on Facebook (the definitive source for sports & entertainment news), Coach Bill came into this AM's HHI games with the LONGEST WINNING STREAK in all of Basketball at 9 games. To try to extend that LONGEST WINNING STREAK we made him a Captain so he could hand-pick his team; which Kenny, Mighty, and Sheriff Hacker also got to do leading to these rosters:
* Coach Wooden Wannabe = Coach Bill (who entered with "only" 80 games to go to best the Wizard of Westwood's LONGEST WINNING STREAK), Iron Mike, Quick Mike, and Young Guy Alex who only Coach Bill knew how good he was from Da Hills Tuesday-Thursday League
* Coach K = K is for Kenny the Captain, X-Smoker, Nelly Jr., Junior High, and Peter Pan-less who couldn't fly despite Junior's demand for him to do so
* Mighty Coach = Captain Mighty, Radon Rader, DJ Jazzy, Everybody Knows Joey, and the incomparable Diggetty Doug Bales
* Sheriff Coach Hacker = Captain S.H. Bob, Marsh-mellow Man (who told me he was playing at 75% & Joey that he was at 80%), Woooooh Nelly Sr., and Your Athletic Supporter

Round 1 of the Round-Round Robin Goes Hacker Bob-Bob-Bob'in Along Tourney saw Coach Bill trying to prove all the doubters wrong vs. Sheriff Coach Hacker, and like Perry Mason he made his case definitively with a couple of deuces in Coach Wooden Wannabe's non-lucky 11-1 victory to move Coach Bill within 79 games of the LONGEST WINNING STREAK. On The Far Side (without Gary Larson) it was Coach K & Mighty Coach battling it out until at the end Joey prodded Rader to shoot the deuce which he sink-sank-sunk for the Mighty Coach win.

The Stink'in Losers switched courts & shirts for Round 2 with the LONGEST WINNING STREAK again on the line for Coach Bill vs. Coach K in a Classic match-up that saw Kenny "Kill" the LONGEST WINNING STREAK in all of basketball. Meanwhile, Sheriff Coach Hacker bounced back with a nicely done 11-7 win over Mighty Coach which left all teams at 1-1.

Although Coach Bill's LONGEST WINNING STREAK was over, he could still capture the coveted Daily Championship (D.C.), but Mighty Coach's D.D. Bales had other ideas as he nailed three 2's (that will likely become 5 or 6 deuces by 3P time) for their triumph. While elsewhere it was Sheriff Coach Hacker gutting out a "Dubya" over Coach K.

So that set up the Daily Championship (D.C.) game, but first I need to report (before it gets on Facebook) that in the Stink'in Losers Bracket--Coach Bill started a New LONGEST WINNING STREAK as he avenged his loss to Coach Kenny. The D.C. saw Mighty Coach run & shoot their way to an 11-3 lead, but this game was to 15 & Sheriff Coach Hacker came back with all (4) of them hitting deuces to get right back into it. Then with Mighty Coach leading 14-13, 75%-80% Marsh hit a big-time deuce to win the D.C. and extend Sheriff Coach Hacker's LONGEST WINNING STREAK to 3 games which I'm now going to post on Facebook.

HHI PLAYED ON

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Swoop was out today with dislocated finger(s), but HHI PLAYED ON. When I was out a couple months last summer with knees surgery, HHI PLAYED ON. When Coach Bill saved his $6/week by not playing during the Indoor Grace Season, HHI PLAYED ON. While Magnum has been on his current Patriot & Ivy Leagues Tour with Connor, HHI PLAYED ON. And as the temperature climbed from the high 80's into the 90's & towards triple digits, HHI PLAYED ON this AM with these Teams who each had their own logo below:
* Hot-Hot Hotter than Hell (i.e. 4H Club) = What the Heck, Scholesinator, Pat Steaks, Mighty Kerr, Iron Mike, and DJ Jazzy
* Hot Tub Time Machine (HTTM) = Everybody Knows Joey who took X-Smoker Bob back in the HTTM to the days of the "Super Sub", and also Starring Sheriff Hacker Bob who agreed to disagree with March-mellow, plus featuring Diggetty Doug Bails & Your Athletic Supporter


4H Club vs. HTTM





HHI PLAYED ON in Game #1 with the 4H Club shooting relatively better than the how can they be that Cold on a Hot day HTTM and won somewhat easily. To the winner gets the spoils as during the cool-down, 4H shared their Motto "To make the best better" and advised their name represents four personal development areas of focus for them: Head (hard), Heart (beating), Hands (groping), and Health (appreciate it).

As HHI PLAYED ON in Game 2, it became apparent that HTTM had deleted the scenes that weren't working & started to score in the hot tub (i.e. the paint) as they raced (OK, walked briskly) to a 13-6 lead before 4H made the obligatory comeback to get within a point, but then Jack G. Strap (the G stands for Going for it all) swished in the series-tying deuce.

Despite the ever-rising thermometer, HHI PLAYED ON with the Daily Championship (DC) Game in which HTTM continued to play pretty well together (including "The Slasher" Joey hitting the first deuce of his HHI Career) until Hacker & Marsh had "artistic differences" after which Heck & his Ocean's 5 started robbing them blind through the front door, back door, side door, and trap door and didn't stop until they had theftly (as opposed to deftly) secured the D.C.

When it was all said & done, HHI had PLAYED ON & "nobody died" (X-Smoker correctly identified that as a line from Road House) & only Iron "had time to bleed" (Heck correct: derivative of Jesse Ventura line from Predator).

PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL, who correctly predicted eight (OCTO = 8) World Cup Soccer games including Spain winning the Final (see picture below), moved to the big-time today as he attempted to predict HHI's Daily Champion of the Round-Round Robin Goes Hacker Bob-Bob-Bobbin Along Tournament's which featured these squads:
* Boo Birds = Captain Boo, Smoker Bob, Wooooh Nelly, and Coach Bill,
* Swooping Cranes = Captain Swoop, D.D. Bales, Quick Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter
* Young Pups = Captain Heck, Young Guys 1 & 2 (both around 16 or so), Iron Mike (looks younger with his new haircut), and DJ Jazzy
* Peeing Dogs = Captain Tony Rhyme-or-Reason (who owns the Peeing Dog), Gary US Bonds, Who Killed Kenny, Pat's Steaks, and Mighty Kerr who like a Warrior (Not from Golden State) was there after spending 2 days in the hospital with a kidney stone.
Round 1 @ Da Hills was Hazy, Hot & Humid (the 3 H's) as the "Dog Day" fittingly started with the Young Pups vs. the Peeing Dogs in a frantically paced game. Every time the Peeing Dogs would lift their leg at the pole, the Young Pups would scamper down the other end of the court for an "easy peezy" bucket in an 11-3 win. Meanwhile, the Boo Birds & Swooping Cranes made like the Taxi episode where Reverend Jim Ignatowski took his driver's test -click this link for some classic laughs & to see why (besides the 3 H's) they decided to "slow down" in what ultimately, and I mean ultimately, was a Swooping Cranes victory.

On to the "Stink'in Losers Switch Courts" Round 2 where the question was Who Let the Dogs Out? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? as the Young Pups fast-breaked themselves to another 11-3 win, this one over the Boo Birds of Un-Happiness. Meanwhile the Peeing Dogs fell well behind the pack of Swooping Cranes before mounting a slow & steady comeback, kind of like the Tortoise but the Hare (aka Swooping Cranes) awoke from their naps just in time to prevail at the end.

So during a very long intermission, every one was asking who the PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL had predicted would win the DC which appeared to be coming down to the Young Pups vs. the Swooping Cranes? But the answer was in a hermetically sealed German Pilsner (note the PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL is from Germany) beer bottle being safely guarded by the cane-wielding #1 Fan Sandy. During the extended break, four players smartly departed (Boo, Tony, Pat & Mighty) leaving 14 which isn't enough for a simultaneous courts' relay so HHI went to an Iron Man Finale (IMF), thus there was No Official Daily Champion. Sandy then busted open the Pilner, chugged it, and the note remaining from PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL's Lackeys read "The PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL refused to choose a mussel from any of the 4 HHI tanks, thus predicting No Official Daily Champion". WoW!!!

Although anti-climatic after the PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL'S dramatic prognostication, the IMF was actually a very good game which was won at the end 21-20 by a squad including the Young Pups who prevailed despite dramatically increasing their average age by adding Coach Bill who had asked for some HHI Publicity (this was the best I could come up with Coach) after quote "Dominating his Tuesday/Thursday Night League" which not even the PSYCHIC OCTOPUS PAUL could predict.

THE DECISION & THE QUOTE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

THE DECISION by Lebron "the so called King" James to join the NBA Heat rather than jump to HHI was underwhemingly met with indifference by HHI Nation, but rather THE DECISION that had them on the edge of their seats was if this AM's games would be Out or In. So I was up early studying the barometric conditions to try to determine the weather pattern when I just decided to go out & get the paper at which time THE DECISION became easy because raindrops kept fall'in on my head. With time to spare, I read in the Reading Eagle that Wyomissing had overpaid their teachers in error which led me to check our HHI records & ironically found that we've been overpaying our Wyomissing Hoopsters (i.e. Quick Mike, DD Bales, Who Killed Kenny, and Coach Bill since this goes back years), thus THE DECISION is made that we need them to pay HHI back with interest based on the average loan shark rate or credit card rate, whichever is higher.

THE Next DECISION was this AM's Teams which were pretty much DECIDED by who was warming up on which basket as follows:
* An Average Team Without Me = What the Heck, Gary US Bonds, Radon Rader, Iron Mike, Marsh-mellow Man, and Scholesinator
* A Below Average Team With Me = X-Smoker Bob, Swoop, Mighty Kerr, Tony Rhyme-or-Reason, Diggetty Doug Bails, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 saw An Average Team Without Me winning big as you could argue the "Me" was Gary US Bonds who was a sizzling hot 100 degrees % from deuce-land. Gary felt so good about playing at Grace this AM that he paid ahead 2 weeks.

A Below Average Team With Me fell behind again in Game #2, but did manage a comeback to make it interesting--although they fell short at the end. Early in Game 3, Below Average synergized (i.e. the whole team was playing greater than the sum of its parts) into the lead when Heck from the bench gave me THE QUOTE "We're An Average Team Without Me". This turned out to be the best game of the day tied at 13 when Marsh, who felt slighted by THE QUOTE, swished in an Above Average deuce to win it.

The Iron Man Finale (IMF) was possible because of the amazing Bales-WoW which easily removed the slippery sweat drops from the court and to QUOTE Bob "Billy Mays" Dates from the Bales-WoW infomercial, "it holds 12 times it's weight in liquid just like its Inventor Bales & is available for the low-low price of $9.95. But that's not all, if you call right now @ 1-800-BAILS-WoW, Bails himself will personally deliver it to you at no cost & if/when he makes a mess of your house, you'll have the Bales-WoW to easily clean it up." THE DECISION is yours.

CLEARING CAP SPACE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

With (20) Hoopsters showing Saturday, HHI was at their Salary CAP limit, so they needed to CLEAR CAP SPACE for Free Agents' Lebron, Chris Bosh, and D-Wade to play today. Thus the AM vs. PM game time decision was purely based on Salary CAP considerations and we got DJ to play with that old "your check is in the mail" trick, although today is a U.S. Postal Service Holiday anyway. This AM's Teams were named based on the NBA teams pursuing those same Free Agents who are closest to HHI via geography & skill level:
* Knicks = Captain Swoop, Lebron, DJ Jazzy, D-Wade, Radon Rader, Mighty Kerr & Old School Bruce who was lured out of retirement to sign a 2-game contract which is all we could afford to pay him to stay under the CAP
* Nets = Captain Heck, Chris Bosh, Hacker Bob, Quick Mike, D.D. Bales, Coach Bill, and Your Athletic Supporter

Commish Collin was there wearing his crocks (i.e. those shoes with the stink holes) & took an inventory of players before the tip-off and found that James, Bosh, Chris Shiery the Science Guy-ry and Wade hadn't showed up, but HHI waits for no man/men & who needs those guys anyway. Well the Nets certainly didn't need them as they swept (3) straight games (note their NBA namesakes only won 12 games all year) from the Knicks for the Daily Championship (DC) and more importantly they have plenty of CAP SPACE to sign HHI Stars like X-Smoker Bob, Scholesinator, Iron Mike, Magnum Mike, etc, etc, etc.

ALWAYS SMOOTH LIKE.....

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

The billboard on the way to Da Hills this AM read "ALWAYS SMOOTH LIKE Keith Stone". I'm not sure who Keith Stone is, but I know the HHIers & you could call them "Old SMOOTHIES" with twenty (20) of them showing today with these Quick Captains: Quick Mike, Everybody Knows Joey, Stay-Puff Marsh-mellow, and Alan "The Question" I-Vathson, divvying them up as follows:
* Motel 6 -1 = Captain Q-Mike Motyl (pronounced Motel), Sheriff Hacker Bob, Tony Rhyme-or-Reason, Scholesinator, and the Return of Bank'in Bow-Bow-Bowers
* Friends = Captain Joey as Joey Tribbiani, Radon Rader as Phoebe, D.D. Bales as Rachel, DJ Jazzy as Monica, and Gary US Bonds as Chandler Bing
* Marsh Madness = Captain March, Swoop, Iron Mike, Mighty Kerr, Yoko Smoke-o who will be performing a Beatles Retrospective @ Community Days tonight before the big fireworks show
* Vath & Body Works = Captain Vath, Pat's Steaks, The Deputy BC, Coach Bill, and Your Athletic Supporter

Round 1 of the Round-Round Robin Goes Hacker Bob-Bob-Bobbin Along Tournament is ALWAYS SMOOTH LIKE Butter

Reference SNL'S Coffee Talk with Linda Richman



and saw Marsh Madness taking a big early lead over Vath & Body Works who were clunking shots on the clinketty-clanketty basket before they changed baskets at halftime in this changed HHI format of games to 15 (Note Quick that CarTech's new CEO Bill Wulfsohn might say "he who rejects change is the architect of decay"). Then Vath & Body Works came back, but couldn't finish at the end as Marsh Madness stayed in the winner's bracket. While on the other court with the other ball (Thanks to Iron & Gary for bringing your balls) Quick's Motel 6 - 1 lost Quickly to Friends who then had time to rest & get quoted:
Joey: Hey Chandler. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?
Chandler: Joey, homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey! I'm not judging here.

The Stink'in Losers then switched shirts & courts for Round 2 which is ALWAYS SMOOTH LIKE Rader & Pat's Heads and those two faced off in a game of "Mall Ball" which saw Friends take advantage of Vath & Body Works depleted inventory of made shots. Meanwhile, Marsh Madness bracket-slapped Motel 6 - 1 in a game that was closer than their team name indicates.

So it all came down to the Championship Round which is ALWAYS SMOOTH LIKE a Baby's Behind, especially in the Stink'in (poopy pun intended) Losers Bracket as it was Vath & BW 12 Motel 6 - 1 = 12 (the new math) before Bank'in "Kaka" Bowers became the "Man of the Match" (World Cup reference since Bowers was a soccer player) with a huge deuce leading Motel 6 - 1 to the Stink'in Losers Championship.

On the Daily Championship (D.C.) side, there were No Friends as Friends & Marsh Madness had this pre-game altercation:
Vinny Poletti: I'm here to collect the D.C.
D.J.: How 'bout if I just kick your ass?
Vinny Poletti: Oh, a counter-offer. That's what we lawyers call a counter-offer. This is a tough decision here. Get my ass kicked or collect the D.C.. Let me think... I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you... nah, I think I'll just go with the D.C.
D.J.: Over my dead body.
Vinny Poletti: You like to renegotiate as you go along, don't you? Well here's my counter-offer... do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you?
D.J.: In your dreams.
Vinny Poletti: Oh no no... in reality. If I was to kick the shit out of you, do I get the D.C.?
D.J.: You kick the shit, out of me.
Vinny Poletti: Yeah.
D.J.: Yeah. you get the D.C..
Vinny Poletti: So here are my options. Option A: I get my ass kicked or Option B: I kick your ass and collect the D.C. I think I'm gonna go with Option B.
And those last words by My Cousin Vinny Poletti proved prophetic as his Marsh Madness squad kicked ass & won the D.C.