HHI 150 FAMILY TREE

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

With help from Swoop, Lipper, Quick & the HHI Archives, we identified the HHI 150 FAMILY TREE. This prestigious list of 150 contains mostly Hoopsters who have played with HHI, but also Honoraries like Commishes Collin & Wojo-Mojo, #1 Fan Sandy, and Ace Reporter Rippey. Another "Honorary" listed as Unlucky #13 on the HHI 150 FAMILY TREE is the "Body Zone Squatter". For those who weren't around several years ago, after we decided to find an Indoor option rather than playing outside @ Da Hills year-round--the Body Zone was our home for a short-time until the Squatter decided he wanted to shoot on one basket while leaving the other basket to our 14 or so guys. This then prompted us to find another indoor option which Thanks to Magnum was Ozzies for a number of years before they put artificial turf on the court to be used for soccer & such, at which time God & Bank'in Bowers led us to Grace Church. Speaking of Magnum, he knew who the "Body Zone Squatter" was & years later advised me of this related story at this Reading Eagle link.

PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

[If you're here for the "A FEW GOOD MEN" Story, page down]

The PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN, started in 1847 & was the largest circulation newspaper in PHILADELPHIA for 76 years only to ultimately go out of business in 1982, is now back in publication. The lead front page story of their triumphant return being Hills Hoops Inc. as they scooped the Reading Eagle who have been covering the HHI Story for weeks. The PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN stretched this story by also reporting on HHI in the Sports, Entertainment, and Business sections. Regarding the latter, they have created the GHP (Gross Hoops Product) economic indicator which has been on the rise including a surge in Hoopsters this AM @ Da Hills with 26 players requiring 5 Teams.

President Obama quickly took credit for this economic growth noting he's an old guy who luvs hoop'in it too (just like the HHI Founding Fathers) and HHI is part of his economic stimulus program. Barack went on to say in the PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN that what he did was take young former basketball players who were no longer playing hoops (thus basketball-unemployed) & gave them "shovel ready" jobs with HHI. Yours truly thus decided the President needs an HHI Nickname & dubbed him Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong.

In other unbelievable news (not yet reported by the PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN or the Reading Eagles), the PHILADELPHIA 76ers new President (not to be confused with Obama) Rod Thorn announced that he's trying to sign Free Agent William "Coach Bill" McAllister for the upcoming season. Thorn plans to offer Coach Bill, who has reportedly (per his Facebook page so it must be true) been tearing up the Hills Tuesday Night League, a contract paying $6/game for the Indoor Season whereas HHI requires Coach to be pay a $6 donation during their Indoor Season.

In response HHI Commissioner Wojo-Mojo, who made an HHI appearance this AM with "Alexa the Original Cleveland Cavalieri" (who unlike Lebron won't be leaving her hometown), advised that we should let Coach go & predicted that many of the "New Obama B-ballers" @ HHI would follow him to PHILADELPHIA thus Andre Iguodala would be the guy who was sitting out every other game because there were too many players. Genius--that's why we pay Commish Wojo the big HHI bucks.

A FEW GOOD MEN

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Way back in 1992, the Classic Film "A FEW GOOD MEN" came out while at the same time A FEW GOOD MEN, a.k.a. The HHI Founding Fathers created what is now known as Hills Hoops Inc. It also took A FEW GOOD Women, a.k.a. Our Wives who were Cool with us playing every weekend (although I'm not thinking they were expecting it to last for 18 years) even after watching "Get It" Reitzy go down with a bad knee in that Inaugural Labor Day game. I'm biased, but the Coolest of the Cool is my Wife Karen--the Baked Goods Queen who also was the one who secretly let the Reading Eagle know about the area's best kept secret--HHI. Even then after being advised HHI was @ Da Hills--Ace Reporter Brian "You Bet Your Sweat Bippy" Rippey had trouble finding us.

A FEW other acknowledgments by A FEW GOOD MEN, first we also consider Knee Scab/Floor Burn Phil as an HHI Founding Father who started back at Cornwall Terrace 18 years ago & still plays on occasion. In addition, HHI went from half-court to full-court there by adding players from the old MPC Flying Hills League including Hey Suess Sammel & Muggsy Raihl to name just a few. The rest is His-tor-y.

CANCER BATTLERS' BEST HHI

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

With the Reading Eagle's Paparazzi snapping photos from a variety of vantage points on both Hills courts, there were 20 players looking for their 15 Minutes of Fame (that's 300 Minutes Total). When the Photographer told us that he was trying to get pictures of the "important" people, Swoop said "I hope he gets my good side". When I asked Swoop how he knew he was important? He replied, important?, I thought he said "impotent".

Speaking of Fame (I was a couple sentences ago in the last paragraph), Your Athletic Supporter was advised by an unnamed source that Ace Reporter Brian "You Bet Your Sweet Bippy" Rippey also broke the Berks stories on Taylor Swift and Jon or Kate Plus 8 when nobody knew any of them. So HHI could be "The "Next Big Thing", although that seems like a bit of a long shot (not a Pat Steaks deuce) now that they've actually seen us play.

But even to a hack reporter like myself, it was very clear this AM @ Da Hills that there were not one but 2 "Next Big Things" that finished the day as the undefeated (& untied) Daily Champions: The Giant Lipper & Free Ride Todd--Two CANCER BATTLERS' BESTING all HHI had to offer.

Unfortunately I was on the opposing team vs. Free Ride Todd in Round 1 of the Round-Round Robin Goes Hacker Bob-Bob-Bobb'in Along Tourney. CANCER BATTLER Todd was a force that wasn't reckoned with on Defense (i.e. blocking & altering shots, making steals, and rebounding) & Offense (i.e. great outlet passes leading to missed Junior lay-ups, nice assists, and scoring inside & out), but it was disappointing he didn't sell any popcorn because I would have liked some, although he did get the "W".

In Round 2, CANCER BATTLER Lipper joined our team late like Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers, and he led the "Boys from Hickory" to Victory vs. a previously undefeated team coached by the Legendary in-his-mind Sheriff Hacker Bob. Lip not only scored in the "weight room", but brought the ball up court & took care of it like a good "Point Center" should.

CANCER BATTLER Free Ride Todd also was victorious in Round 2, but after his departure his squad floundered without him in Round 3 & stink'in lost. Thus as I said above, but it's worth repeating and I quote: "there were not one but (2) Next Big Things that finished the day as the undefeated (& untied) Daily Champions: The Giant Lipper & Free Ride Todd--Two CANCER BATTLERS' BESTING all HHI had to offer". Next up for the CANCER BATTLERS is to BEST cancer and all of HHI is behind them.

HHI DISCOVERED

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

After almost 18 years, The Greater Reading Area's Best Kept Secret--Hills Hoops Inc. (HHI) was DISCOVERED today by Reading Eagle Sports Reporter, Brian "You Bet Your Sweet Bippy" Rippey. Brian took the scenic walking route into Da Hills, thus missing all the hoops action but the HHI Founding Fathers (Swoop, Lipper, Reitzy, Mighty & Jack Strap, although unfortunately Scholesinator was at his Father-in-Law's bedside vigil) along with our #1 Fan Sandy from Shamokin filled him in on the following "Plays of the Day":

• Swoop went to his left dribbling with his left hand and dunked left-handed
• Lipper sprinted deep on one of his famous fly patterns, caught the long "Alley" pass, and in one motion "Ooped" it in the basket
  
• Reitzy, who hadn't played since the Labor Day Opener almost 18 years ago, snuck off the bench in his street clothes & nailed a corner deuce
• Mighty Kerr set a court sharp-shooting record by hitting everyone of his shots
• Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap wind-milled in a dunk that reminded many of his PSU "Ram-Jam" Days
  

In addition, Sandy appeared to choke up as we talked about his HHI Retirement Ceremony last year when he decided at 85 it was time to hang up the Chuck Taylor's & become HHI's #1 Fan which has included learning the "fist pound". We also told Sports Reporter Brian about how "Back in the Day", Iron Mike used to bring in his snow-blower to clear the court for "Hardcore Hoops". Although we didn't tell him that a la Broadway Joe Namath, Steve-Roller What the Heck had guaranteed a Sweep this AM if he Captained against Gary US Bonds. Then the Bonds Squad went out & defeated them in Game #1, although his Hecking Crew including Who Killed Kenny, Everybody Knows Joey, Diggetty Doug Bails, and Swoop did come back to decisively win the Daily Championship (DC).

So HHI DISCOVERED will, According to Brian, continue next Saturday @ Da Hills when a Reading Eagle Photographer will be on the scene to try to capture the True Meaning of HHI & Celebreality is sure to follow, so you'll want to be there.

RWE CAPTURED THE ESSENCE OF THE 3P

By Your 3P Supporter, Jack Strap

Whose RWE you ask? Ralph Waldo Emerson of course & it was he who CAPTURED THE ESSENCE OF THE 3P with this quote "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them". And as Forrest Gump said "Stupid is as Stupid does" and we says & does a lot of stupid stuff year-round, but we especially look forward to saying & doing it at the 3P (Poletti Pool Party).

Old School Bruce & Commissioner Collin were the 1st to arrive at the 3P at which time I got a call from Bruce, as I was on my way, asking if he had the right party time as nobody was there. Surprised that the always early Scholesy hadn't arrived, I called him & unfortunately found out he wasn't there because his Father-in-Law was being released from the hospital into 24-hour hospice care, so our thoughts & prayers go out to the extended Phillips Family & Friends. Also not at the 3P was the 'lligerent Lipper who was just getting back from another in a long line of memorable College Road Trips, this one with Son Joe(y) all the way to FL during which he taught his oldest son about one of my College favorites lessons "Low Budget" to which you can sing-along at that link.

So the 3P really missed Lipper & Scholesy, but we had plenty of stupid old friends to fill the void. Along with stupid old friends, as always the 3P had all the elements to make for a fun in the sun-saturday with Thanks to Mother Nature for the really nice weather. As all the participants arrived, the Social Hour or so included "stimulating conversation" in (3) main areas: Guido's Wine & Spirits Lounge, the Shaded Patio Area, and the TCFL Draft Table which was evidently reserved early on for a NOW (National Orgaization of Women) Meeting & even Nick Springs could have scored there (Note if you are offended by this SNL reference, re-read Ralph Waldo's quote). The NOW also commandeered my favorite 3P snack--the Soft Pretzels with the dips, so we sent in our oldest stupid friend--Sheriff Hacker Bob (SHB). When I say "oldest", it's not that we've known him that long, it's that he's 63 which also was (as noted later that 3P night), the distance of the longest NFL field goal kicked by Tom "Club Foot" Dempsey who was also born in the same year as SHB (see what I meant by "stimulating conversation").

A new paragraph to highlight that my pre-3P HHI Daily Champion Captain, Sheriff Hacker Bob chickened out before he got to the NOW, but instead brought back some dipping chips which ironically were then later used with the chicken dip that I believe Ross & Karen and their 4 or 5 kids brought to our Shade Patio Area. In between the chickening out & chicken dip, Swoop Poletti tried to liberate those soft pretzels but he came back empty-handed after offending the NOW, thus adding insult to injury. Note any NOWers offended by the P.I. Stevey P should re-read Ralph Waldo's quote.

Next up was the Washers Championship, with not 1 but 2 versions to choose from, with the Swoop-Strap Team entering as the 2010 Relay for Life Washers Champions of the World. Always the opportunists, Mike & Mike (Iron & Quick) challenged the RfL Champions while Poletti was multi-tasking on the Grill-Master 5000 & thus distracted from the competition and M&M also insisted they play on the Quick Washers version rather than the one on which Swoop-Strap won the RfL Title. Still with the deck totally stacked against The RfL Champs almost pulled it out, but Iron & Quick sweaked by 15-14 to take the 3P Title, although can you say "tainted". Other notables Washers performances were Karen the Marathoner carrying Ross on her back to a win and my lovely & baked goods-talented Wife Karen scoring in competition and unlike Iverson--in practice.

The food came off the Grill-Master 5000 in mass "conehead-like" quantities with Swoop & "Get It Right" Reitzy manning up on the grilling assembly line. The 3P menu included not 1, not 2, but an unprecedented 3 types of Brats (I ate 2 types, but then was too full to go for the "Hat Trick"); along with burgers, dogs, sweet deserts, and a variety of snacks & side dishes including Deviled Eggs. Regarding the latter, Pure Carbon Corinne (assured her name spelled correctly via Albright site) referred to the deviled eggs-maker as Deviled Eggs Bob (DEB), thus allowing me to extend his HHI longest nickname Sheriff Hacker Deviled Eggs Notorious B.I.G. Little Yao Sponge Bob Square Pants. As an added bonus at this 3P, we got to meet Mrs. Hacker and the Sheriff's sidekick, the Deputy B.C. who will now be attending (We Are) Penn State after his stint in the Navy. Thanks to everyone who contributed to the more than substantial 3P spread, but especially to The Hostess with the Mostess: Diane-dretti Poletti & the Boss without the Applesauce (saw everything but that at the 3P): Steve "Swoop" PO-letti.

The Pool was also a popular place for some adults & all the Kids including Commissioner Collin who had a master plan to throw his arch-nemesissy/baby Quick Mike in the pool after Quick physically pilfered & chucked Da Commish's shoes with the stink-holes. Collin's plan was (like Schultz's TCFL Teams) good on paper, but it was back-firing on the Pool Deck, but but (the dreaded double but) Super-Hero Swoopman came to Da Commish's rescue & knocked Quick Mike into the pool before he could drop Collin there. Speaking of Super-Heroes, Craiger & Lauren's boy Connor made like Aquaman as he was in the pool for hours before finally coming out to bring me up-to-speed on the latest shows on the Cartoon Network.

I love that my Daughter Britty looks forward to 3P Volleyball just as much as I do and this year she was "chosen" by the "Host Team" which in Game #1 also included Swoop, Quick, Bails, Guido, and Sheriff Hacker Bob & the Deputy B.C. vs. "The Designated Stink'in Losers" = Mighty Monica, Mighty Kerr, Brother Craiger, F'in Ross, Iron Mike & Your 3P Supporter. Despite being short-handed The DSL jumped to a big lead before they let, I mean before the Host Team made a great comeback to win the game "fair & square" in overtime 16-14.

In Game 2, the teams were evened out when Ross controversially got a "red card" for trash-talking while neither the Host Team's Quick nor Britty got even a yellow card for trash-talk nor cursing (i.e. S-h-i-t). Then in an unprecedented move the man who took on Chet "Mr. Mylec" Parlavecchio back in 1980, Guido-meister defected from the Host Team to The DSL. To make it look good (if you know what I mean), The DSL fell well behind in this game only to make a mirror-image of Game #1 great comeback before believably losing at the end, again by 16-14 as the Host Team took home (it was a short walk for "The Cobra" Swoop) the 3P Volleyball Championship.

After an old stupid friends break for The DSL to replenish fluids & for the Host Team to allegedly (I said "allegedly") take some more steroids, Game #3 commenced with expanded line-ups. Bolstering the Original DSL were Jenn "Reading Royals Girl" White & "Cool E", but The DSL started to quiver when they saw who the Host Team had recruited, none other than Diane-dretti Poletti who on that very court--legend has it that she once killed a man (Harvard Dad who has never been seen at another 3P) with a lightning bolt serve that struck him right in the chest. This game was the best of the day with some stupendously exciting volleys that allowed the physical action to match the verbal ESSENCE OF THE 3P. But at the end, it was The DSL who were literally singing "We Are The Champions My Friends".

Over the next hours, participants intermittently filed out of the 3P until at the very end as the clock "on the wall said" 11 o'clock--it was just The Poletti's, The White's, and Bails & me. There was a lot of left-over/wasted 3P food, but nobody could say Bails wasn't doing his adult beverages part up to "last call, for alcohol" (meanwhile I'd been drinking gatorade since Volleyball Game #2) & then to finally CAPTURE THE ESSENCE OF THE 3P, Diggetty Doug offered me a ride home. No Thanks Bails who then left just before me, but appreciated the thought & also that I didn't see any flashing lights or hear any sirens on my way home.

Finally with or without Ralph Waldo, there would be no ESSENCE OF THE 3P without Diane & Steve and I really appreciate being your Old Stupid Friend.