HHI HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

It was an HHI HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY @ Da Hills this AM and there were a Magnificent Seven entrants, but one COSTUME especially stood out--this guy was dressed up like the infamous Nick Merolli. If you were at Penn State in the late 70's/early 80's, the man needs no introduction. Nick is best known for inventing the "Pogo for JoePa" on a cold day in Beaver Stadium. Many years later, I saw that Wisconsin students had shamelessly stole Merolli's idea with their Jump Around (click that link to see their lame version), so to avenge Nick--Reitzy, Poletti, and I flew to Wisconsin and with a little help from Daryl Clark, Derrick Williams, and "Reitzy's Boy" Chaz Powell we beat the Badgers so badly that the Wisconsin students didn't feel like jumping around at the end of 3rd quarter at which time we did the "Pogo for JoePa".

That Nick Merolli HALLOWEEN COSTUME also reminded me about the time at PSU when he had the Brilliant (click that link for another Brilliant idea that may have been Nick's too) idea to have a Bachelor Party for Mighty when Kerry didn't even have a girlfriend. We lived right across the street from Mighty and that night Merolli showed up at our apartment with some guys & a keg and asked for a piece of paper, a marker, and some tape with which he created the "Mighty Kerr Bachelor Party" sign that ended up on Kerry's door as we "crashed the party". From there it turned out to be a more memorable night than "Pete-Jump" Kerry's actual Bachelor Party years later.

The HHI HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY also saw Iron Mike dressed as Larry "The Legend" Bird & what made his 2nd place COSTUME great was that he shot like Bird too. Swoop got 3rd prize as the Vikings Brett Favre and he played it up between games by sexting pictures to the Daughter of #1 Fan Sandy (Note Sandy was reportedly out playing Beer Pong with Boo) that distracted her from her Love Rectangle partners Derringer, Quick & Bails. And then there was Marsh, who just uncreatively came as his basketball playing self which along with Swoop & Iron was good enough for HHI's Big 3 to take home the Daily Championship.

Meanwhile the HHI HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY winner dressed up as Nick Merolli was teamed up with (3) guys expertly masquerading as Bad Basketball Players--Mighty Kerr, Who Killed Kenny, and Your Athletic Supporter who were good enough to go home as Stink'in Losers.

INSIDE THE HHI

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

Hills Hoops Inc. announces they're newest program "INSIDE THE HHI" on HHI-8: The Ocho. This soon to be award-winning dramality's (drama-reality) inaugural episode saw Quick Mike (thus this AM's Love Rectangle was reduced to a Bermuda Triangle, so Derringer & Bails will never be seen again since #1 Fan Sandy was home with his Saturday Night Special, it has a barrel that's a blue & gold, ain't good for nothing, put 2 men 6 feet in hole) & Marsh-mellow Man as the Captains drafting these virtual franchises:

• The Quick & The Dead = Captain Quick (& Derringer/Bails & Marmalade/Niedermeyer--Dead!!), Swoop, Gary US Bonds, Mighty Kerr, Floor Burn Phil, and the Halloween Parade Candy-Stealing Boo
• Call Them Mellow Yellow = Captain Marsh-Mellow, Mr. Tuesday Night--Coach Bill, Radon Rader, X-Smoker Bob, Iron Mike, and Your Athletic Supporter

Game 1 of the Best of 5 Series was an Amish Barn-Burner (am I the only one who misses the Amish Whopper/Comic who was on the HHI 150 List) that was dramality tied at 14 when the Amish-hater Swoop took it strong to the hoop with a belt-high left-hand dribble & scored the game-winner with his left hand. OK, nobody's buying that, so the truth of the matter is that he rightly swooped to the hoop to win it for The Quick & The Dead INSIDE THE HHI.

The 2nd game was also Nip/Tuck & speaking of plastic surgery (if you ever saw that show), HHI is looking for a surgeon (not a tree surgeon) to provide discounted breast reductions, but I digress. The key to this game was that Call Them Mellow Yellow had the Iron Banker who declared "The Banks Are Open" and then Jack Strap & Coach Bill followed with a 2 (Million $) & 1 (Million $) deposits as they tied the series.

Game #3 saw Call Them Mellow Yellow changed their name to Call Them Awesome (even Rader scored) for awhile until The Quick & The Dead returned from the Hereafter (anybody see that new Clint Movie?) to make the obligatory comeback to get within 13-11. Then Big Johnson's worst nightmare: X-Smoker Bob looked up at the new video-tron scoreboard, calculated that a deuce would win it, and then shot his way out of a shooting slump with the game-winner.

So INSIDE THE HHI's Call Them Mellow Yellow led the Best of 5 Series 2-1, but Swoop, Mighty, and everybody else saw what the Yankees did against the Rangers when trailing 2 games to 1. Well it was no different for The Quick & The Dead as Call Them Mellow Yellow Captain Marsh himself closed the casket on their day with a Deuce for the Daily Championship, and then ran off to play Ultimate Frisbee.

DERRINGER & BIG JOHNSON

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

This Week @ HHI saw a couple of new nicknames & the beginning of the indoor season with mass/games @ our non-denominational church. The "BIG" nickname change was the "Artist formerly known as Magnum" after this facebook (note Hills Hoops Inc. is on facebook) recommendation by an HHI Fan:
Missy Heffner also commented on Michael Mathias' status.
"I'm thinking: Girly-Pants, Pansy-Pants, Tenderheart. I work with him everyday and I see this tender, sensitive side of him. He is more in touch with his feminine side then most. And don't get me started on shopping: Girly-Pants can shop!!"
But a Fan cannot change an HHI nickname, so Founding Father Swoop got involved:
I'm thinking that if someone who knows Mike that well would consider Girly-Pants, Pansy-Pants, Tenderheart appropriate, then we should reconsider "Magnum" - one of the largest hand guns available and consider "DERRINGER" - one of the smallest hand guns available. Since his manhood has seemingly shrunk considerably...
But But we always listen to our HHI Fans & Missy replied that DERRINGER was a good fit (no sexual innuendo intended):
Let's keep in mind, that is a very attractive unit. Used frequently by women and can still get the job done despite its little size.

So as I said earlier, HHI moved inside this AM where a crazy eight (8) players were in action including X-Smoker Bob's friend "BIG JOHNSON" which seemed to average things out after the DERRINGER decision. Thus to celebrate these new HHI Nicknames, the teams were as follows:
* BIG JOHNSONS = BIG JOHNSON, Mighty Kerr, Marsh-mellow, and Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap which was the original HHI "dick joke"
* DERRINGERS = Quick Mike, Who Killed Kenny, Iron Mike, and X-Smoker

Game 1 saw DERRINGERS getting the job done to quote Missy as Who Killed Kenny picked up where he left off last weekend when he won three consecutive games with 2-Balls (I could have said "deuces") to take the lead, but they found it "hard" to "hold" which really doesn't make sense with a DERRINGER. What did make sense was that BIG JOHNSONS led by BIG JOHNSON came back like a freight train speeding into a tunnel, and when they saw the light at the end of it--they had a decisive win.

On to the 2nd game, where BIG JOHNSONS was inexplicably having trouble getting up.....and down the court, and Quick Mike was playing like he wanted a new nickname as DERRINGERS tied the series. DERRINGERS continued to shoot accurately in the Daily Championship (D.C.) game while BIG JOHNSONS limply played like they needed a Viagra. The climax was that DERRINGERS' D.C. proved that size doesn't matter.

Before the Iron Man Finale (IMF), BIG JOHNSON left in humiliation so we changed the Theme to Olde Time Hockey with X-Smoker, Marsh & Jack Strap playing short-handed. This game also saw Quick hip-check X-Smoker, but DERRINGER & BIG JOHNSON's Friend didn't get mad, he got even as his Short-Handers took home the IMF Title.

WHILE WE WERE AT PSU with FLAT ROSS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

WHILE WE, The HHI Founding Fathers, WERE AT PSU with FLAT ROSS (pictures below), there evidently was a lot going on @ Da Hills. You already read about the Love Rectangle amongst D.D. Bails, Magnum, Quick, and #1 Fan Sandy's Daughter. A follow-up on that this AM was that when #1 Fan Sandy arrived on Da Hills scene, Bails quickly headed to Sandy's house where he not only found Sandy's Daughter, but also Magnum & Quick who were AWOL from HHI. When departing Da Hills I saw panties, underwear (boxers & briefs), a bra (& a bro), as well as Viagra scattered "orgy style" all over the Sandy's front yard. Luckily for the Love Rectangle, Sandy was walking home.

Also WHILE WE WERE AT PSU with FLAT ROSS (pictures below), one of Da Hills rims got torn down. As a psychic detective, here's what I think happened: like most white men Sandy couldn't jump & always wanted to Dunk like Daryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins (picture below). Bails thought if he could help Sandy dunk like Chocolate Thunder, then he could get the upper hand over Quick & Magnum for exclusivity with Sandy's Daughter. So he nicknamed Sandy "White Lightning", Bails helped him up a ladder, hooked his cane on Da Hills rim, and told him "I'll push you towards the rim, you dunk the ball & then grab on to your cane". White Lightning wanted to dunk so bad he listened & he dunked but not like Chocolate Thunder as pictured below because the rim held even with Sandy's cane hooked to it with #1 Fan holding on to it for dear life. But then Bails Leaped (if you weren't sure up to now, this is Fiction) to grab on to White Lightning Sandy & down came the rim.
So because of Bails, the (16) players @ Da Hills this AM had to break into (3) Teams because there weren't simultaneous courts for the Round-Round Robin Goes Hacker Bob-Bob-Bob'in Along Tourney and when the dust settled all the Teams were tied at 1-1, so we'll go straight to the "WHILE WE WERE AT PSU with FLAT ROSS" pictures: