3P's in a POD

By Your 3P Supporter, Jack Strap

3P's in a POD is the heart-warming story of a group of friends, most of which go back over 30 years, who re-connect each year at the Poletti Pool Party (3P) which inspired yours truly to create (i.e. pirate from the internet--argh) this lovely 3P logo:

And this 3P logo can be yours for the low-low price of $19.99 or if you order now, 3 easy payments of $6.66, $6.66, and $6.65 which is a savings to you of 2 cents because frankly we don't want your 2 cents, but we do want your $19.97.  So don't delay, order now.

Now Holiday Bill Ruth, who has bequeathed his HHI play on holidays role to Jack Strap, once said that the Title Themes of my stories are loosely held together by chicken wire & duct tape.  So you understand the 3P part of this one, unless you're an idiot & according to our wives most of us are, but let me tie-in the POD part directly.  The Poletti's company IEC (which probably has been writing-off the 3P for years, although Obama is sure to get more tax money from them now that he's been secretly reading Steve's emails) is into equipment & tools and one of the definitions of a POD is:

1. The lengthwise groove in certain boring tools such as augers.

2. The socket for holding the bit in a boring tool.

Note some of your wives, also say your "boring tools", but I digress and there's yet another 3P tie-in to a POD:

A school of marine mammals, such as seals, whales, or dolphins which is how I'll lead into this year's 3P.

Scholesy, who is "old school" and hasn't yet found facebook which is where most people post pictures and then show them to their friends at parties (like the 3P) using their iPad, brought pictures from the Lipper, Iron, Poletti, Reitzy & Scholesy (see acronym below) FL Fishing Expedition where I'm sure they saw POD's of seals, whales, and/or dolphins.  This expedition will heretofore be known as LIP-R'S Big Adventure which judging from the pictures was even better than PeeWee's.  Actually now that I look on Reitzy's facebook page, they may have been his pictures which I was thinking looked familiar as that's where I first saw them, but Scholesy did bring pics of his recent Canada camping trip with Papa Cass who has never choked on a ham sandwich.  Speaking of a ham sandwich, Chris "Trick Shot (more on that later)" Schaffer reported that Guido had screwed up her Wawa sandwich order--that idiot.  To conclude this paragraph, "Best Picture" went to Commish Wojo-Mojo's Gilbert's Softball Team pic featuring  a young Reitzy, Mighty, Dal, Keith O, Wojo, etc.

Anyway, I left my house when I always have for the 3P, but with my much longer commute arrived when the 3P's in a POD were already looking through the aforementioned pictures.  Should have done this earlier, but let me now warn you that I'm writing this 3P's in a POD story in the genre (a good word to use in the iPhone's "Words with Friends" app regarding which I challenge any of you to a game) of Tarantino's Pulp Fiction which means it's not in sequential order, but rather in the infamous Jack Strap "stream of consciousness" style.

Something that perplexed me about yesterday's 3P was that although one of the P's is for Pool and it was a prototypical pool day, only about a half-dozen of the 3P's in a POD actually entered the Pool.  I was one of them & let me report (i.e. rat out) that Quick "immaturely" threw a ball that hit a Poletti "Big Bad Wolf" House window, and then tried to "pin the rap" on me.  The only thing I can figure on why Quick gets invited back to the 3P each year is that he must have compromising Florida pictures of the Poletti's that would otherwise be distributed to the 3P's in a PODsters and/or posted on facebook.

Steve "Swoop" Poletti was in the Pool briefly, but exited as I entered either because he was intimidated by my guns/pythons or he had to fire up the Grillmaster 3P,000 which then produced mass quantities of brats & chee-burger, chee-burgers for the 3P's in a POD.  Note there were also a wide variety of side dishes including deviled eggs and in a related 3P Trivia tid-bit, this reporter learned that "Uncle Bails" has never eaten an egg in his life.  Speaking of Uncle Bails, he teamed with Mighty Kerr (who received his 3P RfL Poker Championship "Trophy" yesterday) to win the Day-Time Washers Championship by defeating Quick Iron & then Swoop Strap in the Finale.  The more prestigious Night-Time Washers Championship was won by Diane-dretti Poletti (who biggest win before this was over Juice & Jam at the Relay for Life) & Your 3P Supporter over her "worser half" Steve & Rookie Chris Schaffer who "Wow'd the 3P Crowd" with not one but two trick shots (you old guys probably don't remember I mentioned this above) "banked" in off the "luscious" Poletti grass.

Speaking of that grass, the 3P's in a POD Volleyball Championship of the Whole World, Yea (say it like the late great Macho Man Savage) was the Main Event, so let me try to remember the virtual franchises:

• Team Poletti with their Henchpersons = Hostess with the Mostest Diane (who I would be remiss if I didn't mention that 3P Lore is that she "killed a man"--Harvard Dad with her serve on that very grass), Figure-Head (as opposed to Boss) with the Applesauce Stevey P, Iron Mike, Cool E, Reitzy, Wojo-Mojo, and "Bud Light Lime Drunk" Uncle Bails
• The Assassins (or was that Assinines?) = Brother Craiger, Scholesinator, Mighties Monica & Kerry, Quick Mike, Guido-meister, and Your 3P Supporter

The Assassins spotted Team Poletti with their Henchpersons a 6-0 lead in Game #1 before coming roaring back for the decisive win and then repeated this same comeback formula in Game 2 to take home the "3P's in a POD Volleyball Championship of the Whole World, Yea".  Then in Game #3 for Team Poletti Pride, The Assassins assininely "laid the smackdown" (and with that WWF quote, I'll allow Swoop to save face by mentioning he won the HHI Daily Championship earlier in the day by teaming with "Can You Smell-l-l-l-l-l-l-l What the Rock is Cook'in") on Team Poletti by a 15-2 "behind the woodshed butt-whooping" (that was Quick who said that, not me).  Also after the Poletti's said their team was "on a run", Quick whispered to our team that it was (& I quote) "more like a fart" (potty humor).

So then it was time to rehydrate with electrolytes from our 3P's in a POD Sponsor, Gatorade which was brought to the 3P by Iron Mike in his little red wagon.  

Warning: Now time for the scientific content of this 3P's in a POD report:

Everybody loves Gatorade, so let’s talk about if it’s fluff or is it actually good for you.
All you hear about is “rehydrate” this, and “electrolyte” that…is it for real?   Your body has a balance, and has “ionic solutions”(boring term, don’t worry about it) called electrolytes that keep your body, muscles, and nerves functioning properly.  Your kidneys exist to help keep your body in balance by regulating the fluids and electrolytes in your body.  Your kidneys make pee–they basically filter your blood so you can get rid of waste products like urea and ammonia.  When you are dehydrated, your kidneys make your pee as concentrated as possible to keep water in the body.  When you are well hydrated, your kidneys let more water leave with the waste.  Now, there’s all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important ones are: Sodium, chloride, potassium, bicarbonate, calcium, and phosphate (ironically Iron Mike isn't an electrolyte). Your kidneys have specific transporters to regulate the concentration of each of these electrolytes in your blood.
When you work out, you sweat (yup, four years of college taught me that).  When you sweat, you lose fluids and electrolytes – especially sodium and chloride (which is why your sweat tastes salty…stop tasting your sweat you idiot).  Now, when you’re lacking fluids and electrolytes, your muscles suffer and your performance suffers (reference Team Poletti with their Hechpersons).  Can’t be having performance issues can we now (does this have anything to do with those pictures Quick Mike has?)? 
So let’s talk about why Gatorade works.  Water will get into your blood stream faster (and to the right places) when it’s part of Gatorade because water follows electrolytes.  Gatorade has electrolytes: your body soaks up these electrolytes quicker because your electrolytes are depleted from exercise, and they soak up the water right along with it.  Regular water works just fine too, it just doesn’t get absorbed as quickly.  Gatorade has a good amount of sodium and glucose (sugar).  Do you love your small intestines?  Well, your small intestines love glucose, so get over it.  The little transporters in your small intestines pick up that glucose, and in turn pick up the sodium.  If they ‘re picking up glucose and they’re picking up sodium, they’re also grabbing the H20, and you’re getting rehydrated faster.  Win Win Win! in 3 straight games.

The above reminds me that there were a lot of really-really good 3P's in a POD desserts including Balls made by My Wife using Pete Schweddy's SNL Recipe.  I got in trouble with My Wife (who for the 1st time missed the 3P) when she texted me "how's it going?" & me being the idiot-savant of the short text message asked Guido for a very concise response and he said "Bad", you know because "Bad is the New Good".  Well My Wife evidently isn't as up on the new lingo as Guido & Me so she thought something was wrong and after that I changed into my swim trunks and my phone went into my bag without response to her subsequent texts & phone calls.  Finally she got a hold of Reitzy who assured her everything at the 3P's in a POD was fine.  Today I asked her what she thought could have been "Bad" and she gave some examples including "somebody could have keeled over on the volleyball court", and now that I think of it Uncle Bails went "down goes Frazier" at one point there & I didn't know if he was going to get back up or not, so duly noted.

No segue but some discussion topics I heard at the 3P's in a POD included an NCAA football playoff, politics (noting Craiger & Poletti actually agreed on something), the finale of Friday Night Lights which came up after I called Alexa "the Original Cleveland Cavalieri"-Wojo "Tammy Taylor", stories of Guido's PSU classic car "Betsy" (thought it was Bessy, but called Guido to get it right as "Accurate Reporting" is Jack Strap's Middle Names), and books.  Who knew that Scholesy & Poletti read books & then share them with each other like 2P's in a POD?  I was multi-task listening to this books conversation while making up with My Wife since "I'm Bad, I'm Bad, I'm Really-Really Bad ("btw" which means "by the way", the Weird Al concert the Miller Family recently saw was "Phat" which is more of that new lingo culture that Guido & Me are part of) by playing "Word with Friends" with her even though we were 69 miles apart (how romantic).  Note I recommend Harlen Coben books to the S&P Book Club, especially those featuring Myron Bolitar & his P in a POD, Windsor Horne Lockwood III (a.k.a. Win).

Speaking of Win, the Poletti's have Zero/Zip/Zilch of them on the volleyball court at this point of the Strap Report which left Volleyball Commissioner, The Giant Lipper so disgusted with the Assinine Assassins that he departed the 3P without his innovative "Cooler on Big Wheels".  So to end this on a high note with the hope that the 3P's in a POD Tradition will continue in 2012, let me tell you about our Early Evening Volleyball Iron PODsters Finale (IPF).  The temp was volleyball-perfect for these squads:

• White Millers (those racists) = Mike White, Pure Carbon Corinne White, Craig Miller, Glenn Miller, Cool E, Guido, and Uncle Bails
• Team Poletti with their Henchpersons = Steve & Diane Plus 5 (not to be confused with Sue Reitz's Stalking targets: Jon & Kate Plus 8) including Mighties Monica & Kerry, Quick Mike, and The Scholesinator whose Wife MJ had departed by then to feed "Little Steven"noting this was the 1st Kid-less 3P in history.

Game 1 of the IPF saw Team Poletti dominating for the win and in the 2nd game the White Millers made it look better (I mean they played better), but Team Poletti pulled it out at the end for the prestigious IPF Title.  So the Poletti's are again the 3P VB Champions My Friends (a.k.a. PODsters) and all that's left to do is THANK them for yet another Memorable 3P. 

THE RARE HECK SWEPT

By Your Mighty Kerr

 

We had a turnout of 11 players this morning at the Hills.  The courts were a little wet with a puddle at the foul line.  But thanks to "sneaker" squeegees, an old shirt and a beach towel, the court was playable to start and soon dried out with the sun and wind.

 

Coach Bill and Mighty chose sides.  Coach B's squad: What the Heck, Iron Mike, new guy Fran, new Kenny, and Coach.  The Mighties: Marsh-mellow, Quick Mike, Rock, new guy Scott and Mighty.  Bump was the rover, playing game 1 with Coach.

 

Although the final score of 15-8 didn't reflect it, Game 1 was a hard fought, long battle won by the Mighties.  It was either tough defense or lousy offense (let's say tough D) as the game took a long time to complete.  In Game 2 Heck took charge and led the Coach Bs to a commanding 11-5 lead.  But the Mighties slowly fought back into it and won 15-14 on a Marsh basket.  Again Game 2 was a marathon match.  Due to the length of the first 2 games, game3 was a combination game 3/iron man game to 11.  Again the Coach Bs had a lead but lost at the buzzer 11-10.  A rare sweep of a Heck-team or as Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap titled it "THE RARE HECK SWEPT".

A couple of Jack Strap observations from Mighty's Story:

* An amazing amount of new players in the HHI line-ups above; i.e. (5) new or semi-new joined only (6) HHI Regulars

* Luv the HHI court crew's ingenuity in getting it ready for action (this has been a hallmark of The League for years)

NEW MILLER FAMILY ADDRESS & HOUSE TOUR

Personalize your own photo slideshow