20th ANNIVERSARY DREAM TEAMS

By Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap

A lot of people don't know this, but there were two (2) different DREAM TEAMS formed in the Summer of 1992.  You had those NBA guys who the media made out to be heroes after they rolled over the Angolans & some soccer-playing countries to win the gold medal.  And then there were the Founding Fathers of what is known today as Hills Hoops Inc. (HHI) who have shied away from the limelight and are still playing today just for the luv of the game.  In fact there was only one reporter who was ever allowed to see HHI play which was Brian "You Bet Your Sweet Bippy" Rippey whose related story should have garnered him a Pulitzer Prize.  

So after 20 years of HHI trying to schedule a game against That Other DREAM TEAM, today on HHI's 20th ANNIVERSARY we were finally able to match up these two (2) 1992 DREAM TEAMS at Grace Church as they refused to play HHI on their Home Court @ Da Hills.  Today's 20th ANNIVERSARY DREAM TEAMS Line-Ups:

• That Other DREAM TEAM = Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, John Stockton, Chris Mullen, Scottie Pippen, Clyde Drexler, and the 12th Man Christian Laettner
• The HHI DREAM TEAM = Founding Fathers Mighty Kerr, Swoop POletti, Scholesinator, Knee Scab Phil, Reitzy (who Retired after HHI's 1st Game in 1992), Yours Truly Jack Strap, and The Man in the Middle now residing in Heaven: John "The Giant Lipper" Liptock.  Now it was very difficult to pick the rest of this DREAM TEAM even with Reitzy & Lipper not taking up roster spots.  Note there have been by now close to 200 players who have laced it up for HHI in the past 20 years.  The rest of The HHI DREAM TEAM: Iron Mike (who due to a very bad back couldn't play today so made an agreement with another good shooter with back problems, Larry Bird, that they would both sit out today's game and not take a roster spot), Magnum Mike (who took the "Open Mike" roster spot), Quick Mike, Swishy Kurtzy, Scott the Shot (who lobbied as hard for this roster spot as he does for the ball), X-Smoker Bob/D.D. Bails share this roster spot, Coach Bill, and our 12th Man Chucky "Boy" Barbera (who got one more vote than Energizer Boni as it was a popularity contest).  The Official HHI Commish for this DREAM TEAM match-up was "Da Dance'in Boy" Collin.

The opening tip was David Robinson vs. the Memory of Lipper (HHI Started with only the Four Founding Fathers with the most games played the past 20 years) and The Admiral did a very nice thing by purposely tipping the ball to the HHI DREAM TEAM.  HHI then established that this wasn't going to be a friendly exhibition by inserting Knee Scab Phil into the game as their 5th Man to box out David Robinson.

As you would expect with players of this DREAM TEAMS caliber, the action was fast & furious and the baskets filled up quickly with points.  Amongst the many highlight-reel plays was Scholesinator hitting a turnaround while kicking Karl Malone in the shins sending a message to the Mail Man that he didn't invent that shot, Swoop Swooping to his Right (Note That Other DREAM TEAM had no film of HHI to study) for a bucket, Mighty hitting a pull-up jumper, Jack Strap calling his banker shot from the wing, Phil diving to come up with loose balls, Quick Mike nailing a deuce before leaving to prepare for a meeting at CarTech tomorrow, Magnum Mike skying to the rim for a lay-up before everyone realized that the HHI basket was only set at 9 feet, Swishy Kurtzy passing up shots he would normally take to run the HHI Offense, Scott the Shot taking all those shots that Kurtzy passed up, X-Smoker Bob somehow getting a driving shot up & in with Patrick Ewing sweating all over him before giving way to D.D. Bails who found his 2nd favorite spot (#1 is at the Bar) at the foul line for a bucket.

So it was getting late in the HHI's 20th ANNIVERSARY game and the HHI DREAM TEAM finally opened up a bit of lead when Coach Bill called for the ball well beyond the deuce line as he was in Bermuda.  But you know Coach, he thought it was within his range so he fired & air-balled it into the Atlantic Ocean before going back on vacation.  That was just the opening That Other DREAM TEAM needed to comeback as Charles "The Round Mound" Barkley rattled the rim with a dunk off a be-a-u-tiful alley-oop from Magic and then Michael Jordan took over with a couple of spectacular moves for his DREAM TEAM--the last of which he scored while the Big 10 Officials whistled a controversial block on Swoop who then joined all the other HHI Founding Fathers on the bench as they'd all fouled out, so the HHI DREAM TEAM called a time out.

Suddenly we have a new paragraph & Gene "Hoosiers" Hackman appeared as the Coach on the HHI DREAM TEAM bench.  Gene called down the bench "We need you in the game Chucky".  Note Chucky Boy hadn't played since the 10th Anniversary of HHI, so when he got up off the bench, he left behind his cheeks' prints.  MJ then hit the foul shot to finish the 3-point play & pull That Other DREAM TEAM within one.  HHI's Kurtzy then dribbled time off the clock, but when he was double-teamed by Pippen & Jordan he found Chucky Boy wide open in the corner.  Chucky promptly dribbled the ball off his foot & out of bounds as he was a bit rusty after 10 years off.  That Other DREAM TEAM then took a play right out of HHI's playbook as put in there by Knee Scab Phil--the "{cough} give-and-go" which Stockton & Jordan worked to perfection to take the lead.  

HHI then called another time out with several ticks left on the 20th ANNIVERSARY clock.  HHI Coach Hackman then said "listen we're not going to run the picket fence because they've all seen the end of Hoosiers and will be expecting it plus Jimmie Chitwood isn't on this team.  Instead we're going to clear out for Chucky Boy to take Michael Jordan one-on-one, Mano-a-Chucko.  The HHI Founding Fathers think he's crazy, but hey--he's Gene Hackman.  So it all came down to that and the gym was totally quiet (because Gary US Bonds' kids weren't there) except for Chuck bouncing the ball when with 2 seconds left he makes his move just as Jordan goes for the steal.  There's a collision, a whistle and......................a foul on Jordan called by Hacker Bob!!

Time out by That Other DREAM TEAM to try to ice C-Boy.  Coach Hackman says "when Chucky hits the 2nd shot and (looks at Chuck) you will hit the 2nd shot, everybody get back on defense as they'll have time for a desperation shot".  Chuck goes to the line and then ala Wilt, under-hands in the 1st shot to tie the game.  After some trash talk in Chucky's ear from Jordan & Barkley, the 2nd shot goes up & looks to be off a little to the right when I swear I saw the long arm of Lipper reach down from Heaven & guide the shot in.  When MJ's desperation half court shot hits off the front of the rim the HHI DREAM TEAM took home the HHI Daily Championship on their 20th ANNIVERSARY.